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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 25, 1991)
CHUCK GREEN Midwest needs speech lesson Feopie around here need to learn to talk gooder. Yes, even here in the Mid west, where speech is supposedly un obstructed by accents. No Southern drawl, no Boston or Brooklyn accents (except oyer at the Comhusker bas ketball office), and no California Val speak, so to speak. There are none of the annoying “eh’”s or nasal vowel sounds of Wis consin or Minnesota and there’s little of the jive found in bigger cities. No. People around here enunciate pretty clearly. It’s just what some people say that grinds like an electric carving knife on a cinder block. The problem isn’t hereditary, nor is it caused by the fluoride in the drinking water. It’s through repeated misuse and misdirected teaching by example that these offenses against the English language occur. Here are some of the worst: • “Excape” (escape). “The guy kicked me in the groin and excaped.” This begins in the early childhood years and testers like an open wound into a shocking display of stupidity among adults. Years of speech ther apy are required to right this wrong. Just don’t plan on getting that speech therapy at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. •“Expeshully” (especially). “This word is expeshully hard for a dolt like me to pronounce.” Obviously, this is a close cousin to the word you stuttered above it Again, it happens among little kids whose parents think it’s just the “cutest wittle thing” they’ve seen. But after their kids get their law degrees and lose cases over it, it’s not so funny. • “Hambooger” (hamburger). “I’d like a hambooger with my oatmeal, please.” I think this one came from the “Brady Bunch,” or some such show. Way to go, Marcia. When someone mispronounces this People gaiuud here need to learn to talk fooder. Kes. even hei& in the Midwest, whin speech is supposedly unobstructed bv asxenis, word in your presence, well, give them what they want. • “Youz” (you). “Youz guys bet ter not leave your car there.” I tell ya’z, television shows such as “Taxi* and “All in the Family” made thisone slick. • “Probly” (probably). “You’ll probly never talk gooder than I does.’ This display of laziness is inexpli cable. It no doubt is the product of a demented childhood and should be rectified with shock therapy. • “Strenth” (strength). r‘Washing ton’s defensive line had a lot of strenth.” This almost always spews from the mouths of moron athletes or theii coaches. Ridiculous. • “Ax” (ask). “I have to ax the coach when I get paid this week.” Sec ‘strenth.” •“Controvcr-seal” (controversial, sounds like “controvcr-shul”). “This is a controver-seal subject.” This is one of several almost uniquely Nebraskan slip-ups. It’s jusi because of, uh ... uh ... well, how would I know? I don’t do it. • “Crick” (creek). “Pull yer sis ter’s head out of the crick.” See “con trover-seal.” • “Warsh” (wash). “If you don’t stop putting yer sister’s head in the crick. I’m gonna warsh yer mouth out with lard.” See “crick.” •“Granite” (granted). “Don’tever take the existence of a college at UNL for granite.” Hmmm ... Is it just me, or do you almost always associate this one with allegedly well-educated politicians? • “Nookyaler” (nuclear). “It would suck to have a nookyaler war.” It is particularly scary when a high ranking government official — such as the president — mispronounces this word seven times in one speech. There are even a couple of mis guided phrases that wriggle into eve ryday conversations. Two that imme diately come to mind: • “Could care less” (couldn’t care less). “I could care less if you ran over my REO Speedwagon album, jerk.” This phrase was popularized by the “Peanuts” comic strip and televi sion cartoons in the 1960s. Some where along the line, it lost the “n’t” from “couldn’t,” transforming any one who says it that way into an oblivious ass. • “Intensive purposes” (intents and purposes). “For all intensive purposes, I talk pretty goodly.” This, like lots of other stupid things, evolved during the Reagan era. Al though it’s not clear who said it first, it is clear that Vice President Dan Quayle uses it more than a cat uses a litter box. America, it’s time to shape up. Don’t be like Dan Quayle. Leam to talk bettercr. Green is a senior news-editorial journal ism m^jor, the Daily Nebraskan’s assistant sports editor and a columnist Short-sightedness at UNL? Hmmmmm. Things that make you go, “hmmmmmm.” Like many who watched the Nebraska-Washington football game, 1 was disappointed in the outcome. How could a team play so well in the fust half and then crumble to pieces in the second? I have heard that falling to pieces late in the game is fairly common to Nebraska football teams. Why is this? Can’t we train our players to play hard a full four quarters? I do not blame the players. During the telecast of the game, there was a smal I piece on the streng th complex that the players use to get in shape. The announcer noted that the goal of the trainers was to use anaero bic, rather than aerobic, training. The idea, I guess, was that bigger, stronger and heavier players would play better. Good, strong hearts, I gather, are not necessary for winning football. But then these bigger, stronger and heavier players ran out of energy in the second half. How could the coaching staff have been so short sighted? Hmmmmmm. It is not so surprising that the coaches opted for strength over endurance. This seems to be a general problem for many people. In the short run, getting good grades is important; but getting a good education requires focusing on long-term goals. In the short run, cutting the classics and speech communication departments may help control spending; but en suring a high quality and diverse education for University of Nebraska Lincoln graduates requires long-term planning. Hmmmmmm. It is suddenly not so surprising that the team could not play the full four quarters with the desired intensity. That is apparently not our goal. We seem more interested in immediate results, rather than long-term impli cations. We may then rest in great confidence knowing that the gradu ates of this fine institution will be the biggest, strongest and best-looking patrons of the unemployment lines. Hmmmmmm. Douglas Weber graduate student philosophy 1 1 > I . ■ ... . .. „ _ ■ , , ■ . ■ - ■ — ■ ■■■ ■ ■■■■ ^ Student Health and Accident Insurance * If not done by 9/25/91, enrollees must wait untill 2nd semester (1/14/92) The insurance works in conjuction with your Health Center fees, so it is important to make sure you have paid your UHC fees as well. Please contact the UHC Business Office at 472-7435 for fee information or specific insurance benefit information. Dependent coverage is also available, 8/24/91-11/24/91 Sami-Annual* 11/24/91-2/24/92 Annual* 8/24/91-2/24/92 2/24/92-5/24/92 8/24/9^8/24/92 2/24/92-8/24/92 5/24/92-8/24/92 Sudani Only □ $340 00 □ $178 00 Q $03 00 Sudani A Spouaa □ $1203.00 □ $884.00 Q $336.00 Sudani. Spouaa. A Child LJ $1715.00 □$880.00 “$443 00 Sudani A Child (_) $762.00 Q $393 00 □ $20i 30 Each Addllionai Child_□ $422 00_□ $216.00_Q] $106 30 Payments may be made by check, money order, or VISA/ Mastercard. No cash payments please! You can mail them directly to GM Underwriters, or drop them by the Business Office University Health Center. If mailing your premium, you will need to have it post marked by 9/24/91. Basic benefit information available 24 hours a day by calling 472-7437. -1 ~ Cc _I ^ The Computing Resource Center is offering free microcomputers seminars to UNL faculty, staff, and students. 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