Leg Hair Gods gain roaring devotee
as lost razor leads to new outlook
By Cinnamon Dokken
Staff Reporter
I don’t really think of myself as a
hard-core separatist-feminist. So not
shaving my legs thissummer didn’t
start out as a case of, “I am woman,
hear me roar, smell my sweat, feel
my leg hair.”
I honestly just didn’t get around
to it. My old razor had gone to the
Hair Forest in the Sky, and 1 couldn’t
seem to remember that I needed a
new one until I was in the shower.
Dripping to the IGA in search of a
new Daisy just didn’t seem like a
viable option.
So within a week I had stubble
that could have shredded anything.
My significant other (fearing for his
safety, I’m sure) prayed to the Leg
Hair Gods as a daily ritual. He
would wave his hands in the air
around my calves, close his eyes
and murmur, "Gro-ow, Gro-o-o-o
o-w!" (Thanks, I’m sure that did the
trick.)
I moved right along from stubble
to fuzz, and began to view such
progress as a kind of accomplish
ment. I even called home to tell my
mom, whose only reply was a
“Hmph! Gross, Cinnamon," before
moving on to more important top
ics of conversation.
I took it in striae, ay this time I
liked my leg hair. I could deal with
disapproval, with weed-whacker
jokes, and with my sister, whotook
one look, wrinkled her nose and
exclaimed, “Ooooo!” then shrugged
with a "Whatever.”
I was undaunted. I threw on a
pair of high-tops, and with my best
nairy-legged friend, went skipping
offtothebars. We sat in Cliffs, and
over kamikazes, discussed the
advantages to having leg hair.
“It’ll be warm in winter!”
“Yeah,” she nodded, “and no
more nicks and cuts!”
We ordered more drinks. A few
smooth-legged women sashayed
into the bar.
“Yeah . . . um . . . and our legs
won’t glare!”
The “smooth” women sat at the
next table and crossed their silky,
glaring legs, dangling high heels.
We crossed our legs. Their mouths
fell open in shock and disgust. We
laughed and took off for O’Rourke’s,
feeling powerful.
Maybe it was that moment that I
felt transformed, with newfound
strength — a tough chick. I began
to swagger. Sarah Connor became
my role model. Bring on the termi
nators!
- -I
Brian Shelllto/Dally Nebraskan
OK, enough already. You’ve
heard me roar. But at least I didn’t
ask you to smell my sweat.
Humdrum summer tops
what might have been
By James Raitt
Staff Reporter
Many articles in this section
will reflect on the things that the
writers did not do this summer.
These will probably be situations
where the writer was not able to
go on that dream vacation that
he/she wanted to go on or
something that came up that
ruined his/her summer.
In any event, I am not here to
look back on one of the most
boring summers of all time and
start getting depressed for the
enjoyment of you, the reader.
There were many things this
summer that I did not do, and I
am glad about it.
So this is a compilation, a Top
10 list if you will, of the things I
am glad I did not do or that did
not happen to me this summer.
In no way am I ripping off the
idea of a certain late-night talk
show host. Really, I’m not!
Here we go:
10. I’m glad I did not lose my
swimsuit while diving off the
high board at the swimming pool.
(It always seems to happen.)
9. I’m glad I decidea not to go
to Sturgis on my Honda scooter.
(Kind of a scary thought.)
8. I'm glad I did not go on that
Greek cru ise ship where theonly
lifeboat was outside the cap
tain’s cabin. (You know their
motto: Captains and stewards
first.)
7. I’m glad I didn’t accept that
vacation loan from waste dump
entrepreneur Ray Peery. (I al
ways had a feeling about that
guy)
6. I’m glad I forgot my new
video camera when I went to the
Guns & Roses concert. (I Con
sider myself very lucky about
that).
5. I’m glad that when we went
on the family vacation I did not
have to stay in the same hotel
room as my great-uncle Stan “The
Wind-breaking King of Milwau
kee’’ Black. tBut my younger
brothers had to. Heh! Heh!)
4. I’m glad I did not mistake
Crisco for my sun tan lotion when
I went to the beach. (With the
way the ozone’s going I would
have been a French fry.)
3. I’m glad I did not wear that
tiger-striped G-string that my
grandmother gave me in public.
(I know it sounds strange, but
she’s 142-years-old and is get
ting funny in the head.)
2. I’m glad 1 did not lake the
all-expense-paid trip to Moscow
that I won in a local cake raffle.
(They ran out of cakes.)
And . . .
1. I’m glad I did not take Pec
Wee Herman up on that, movie
invitation. (Pretty self-explana
tory.)
So there they are, the things I
am glad I did not do this sum
mer. Yes, it was a dull summer,
but I feel pretty darn good about
it.
Dcrit throw us away
arc
Association
for Retarded Citizens.
■p|||l|| iiillllii*
§ a w.c.'s i
B[Ȥ*
' $1.15 [»
Domestic Longnecks
Prices good all year lctftg!
1228 P' Street ^ ^ ^ ^ W^/s]
|posters
Check Out H
Our Great H
Selection! 1
AyartCard I
1325 O Street
