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Arts & Entertainment
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„ Michael Weixel/Dally Nebraskan
Sniffling in the sun
Summer colds are for idiots
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Tara because that’s her real name)
recently came down with a sum
mer cold. I can’t say that her ill
ness made me laugh, but I didn’t
exactly feel sorry for her cither.
I probably threw out some sin
cere sounding platitude like, “Oh,
that’s too bad,” while inside, I
didn’t really care. Anybody who
catches a cold in the summer proba
bly deserved it, I reasoned.
At some point she said, “I hope
you don’t catch my cold,” a plati
tude equally sincere as my own.
Her actual thoughts were probably
more like, “Live it up, you smug
bastard — I’m going to lick your
toothbrush.”
Well, she didn’t lick my tooth
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catch her cold anyway (probably
from all that deep longue-kissing).
Now a cold in the dead of win
ter is bad, but at least you’re ex
pecting it. A cold in the middle of
summer is a flat-out nightmare.
It started as a tickle in my throat
on the evening of July 4.1 passed it
off as an irritation from inhaling
the fumes of too many smoke balls
and magic glo-snakes.
By the next morning, the virus
was in full swing. My chest ached,
- my tonsils throbbed and phlegm
flowed freely from my pharynx. I
woke up early, went to work and
silently cursed Tara to her own
special room in hell.
On Friday night, I, Jim Hanna,
The Swingincsl Cal in Lincoln,
collapsed into my bed and didn’t
, move for two da vs.
As per usual when something evil
happens in my life, I feel compelled
to share my lessons with you. Have
you ever read a self-help book that
told you how to cope with a summer
cold? Of course not — only idiots get
summer colds.
So, it’s only right that I label my
advice:
THE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO SUM
MER COLDS.
DON’T USE VAPO-RUB IN THE
SUMMER: Even as a kid, 1 knew
slathering mv chest with that vano
rub crap was pointless. It was just a
way for my mom to feel like she was
helping her child get better. Still, that
shimmering menthol had a hypnotic
effect on a sick little boy, an effect
that a sick little man was unable to
shake. In my agony and desperation
Friday night, I was throwing every
conceivable medication at my virus
rich body, including that insidious
rub. Nothing like smearing your chest
with a camphor salve and bedding
down in 90 degree-plus weather.
DON’T TURN ON THE TV: On
Saturday, when my cold’s fury was at
its peak, I made the error of clicking
on the television. Before I knew it, 1
was prone on the couch with a huge
glass of water, a pile of cough drops
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served as an umbilical cord, at
taching my disease-ravaged brain
to the video nourishment box. TV
can suck you in when you’re well
but when you’re ill, it will rob
your very soul and feed it to the
MTV gods. With the remote, I
could at least switch it to CNN
when my I.Q. plunged after the
eighth Street Block of the day.
Still I ran the risk that the virus
would rob my last bit of strength at
the beginning of Club MTV and I
wouldn’t be able to switch the
channel. Just play it safe and do a
crossword puzzle.
IF YOU HAVE AN AIR CON
DITIONER. . . USE IT!: My
apartment has a poor excuse for
central air that struggles 24 hours
a day to stay 10 degrees warmer
than the outdoors. Still, when you’re
stretched out recuperating for hour
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our parents insisted that we stay
warm when we have a cold but in
July, you have to make adjust
ments. In the winter, you need a
few thick quills to be comfortably
warm but in the summer, you need
an hourly ice bath and 36" fan to
stay comfortable, even when you’re
sick. The only bonus to the warm
weather is that you may be able to
suffer heatstroke, which is bound
to mute the unpleasantness of your
sore throat.
DRINK LOTS OF WATER:
See HANNA on 11
Movie created for laughs,
not Academy Awards
“The Naked Gun 2 1/2”
Starring Leslie Nielsen,
Priscilla Presley
gjjr- Rated PG-13
£T\v Grade: B
By Steve Pearson
Staff Reporter _
There are certain films that you
can tell were made in the hope of
winning the Best Picture Oscar.
“The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell
of Fear” is not one of them.
Directed by David Zuckcr, “The
Naked Gun 2 1 /2” comes from a long
line of films made for laughs, not
culture.
“The Naked Gun 2 1/2” continues
the story of Lieutenant Frank Drcbin
(Leslie Nielsen). Now in Washington
D.C., Drebin is involved in an effort
to save the kidnapped Dr. Mcinhcimcr
(Richard Griffiths), to whom Presi
dent Bush has assigned the develop
ment of a national energy policy.
As luck would have it, the love of
Drebin’s life, Jane Spencer (Priscilla
Presley) is Mcinhcimcr’s assistant and
has been dating Quentin Hapsburg
(Robert Goulet), the man behind her
boss’ abduction.
Zucker uses his usual barrage sight
gags, puns, and warped jokes to lam
poon everything from Washington
politics to Hollywood films, from
Dukakis to Diehard. This film is one
of those few sequels that out-distance
the original.
Zuckcr parodies Hollywood with
take-offs of the pottery scene from his
brother’s “Ghost”, the bicycle silhou
etted oh the moon from “E.T.” and
the rooftop battle scene from
“Diehard.” '
There are some terrific cameo
appearances to watch for by Zsa Zsa
Gabor and Mel Tormc. Additionally,
the film features look-alike actors
humorously portraying George and
Barbara Bush, John Sununu and Nel
son and Winnie Mandela. The run
ning gag involving Barbara Bush’
character is one of the movie’s funni
est. s
Nielsen and Presley have mastered
the delivery style necessary to pull
off the Zuckcr brand of comedy. Both
arc able to deliver their lines with a
melodramatic seriousness that adds
to the comedy’s punch.
The rest of the cast is solid through
out, but the real stars if this movie arc
the writers—director Zuckcr and co
writer Pal Proft.
Catch this movie while it is still in
the theaters. The Zuckcr movies don’t
play as well on video, because half
the fun is sharing in the hilarious
experience in a crowded theater. If
you go, be sure not to miss the funni
estcrcdilssincc“FcrrisBucllcr’sDay
Off’ and read carefully.
This won’t make anyone’s ten
best list or lake any Academy Awards,
but if you want a lot of laughs on a
summer evening, “The Naked Gun 2
1/2” will deliver.
“The Naked Gun 2 1/2” is playing
at the Cinema 1 & 2, 201 N. 13th
Street, and the East Park 3, East Park
Plaza Mall, 66th and O streets.
Dying Young spews
regurgitated themes
“Dying Young”
Starring Julia Roberts,
Campbell Scott
t BrrrrRated R
ljT\r Grade: B
By Julie Naughton
Senior Editor
Girl gets dumped on by old boy
friend. Girl meets new boy. New boy
has a baaaad disease. Bui love will
conquer all.. . or so the audience is
led lo believe.
Welcome to “Dying Young.”
This is not the masterpiece of the
20th century, bul ii is a good, tcar
jerking summer movie Starring 'Julia
Roberts as (surprise) a blue-collar babe,
Hilary O’Neil, and Campbell Scott as
Victor Geddies, her (surprise) upper
crust lover with a heart of gold.
While the storyline may sound like
anyoncofanumberofRobcrts’ films,
the acting makes up for the regurgi
tated themes. Scotland Roberts make
a tremendously likable couple, and
because of this, audiences will for- •
give the film’s occasionally convo
luted plot turns.
“Dying Young’’ is based — in this
interpretation, somewhat loosely —
on the novel by Marti Lcimbach. The
screenplay moves Victor and Hilary
from Massachusetts to California and
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novel.
In most respects, screenwriter
Richard Fricdcnbcrg has done a good
job of transforming a book of mostly
inner monologue into a tender, sad
and at times very funny film.
However, he makes two large cr
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* *■ <*-• See YOUNG on 11