Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 29, 1991)
Big fuckin’ trucks duke it out at the Laid Center. Nobody got dirty. Crack Shot/ Daily Half-Asskin Bumbly gets Laid to draw monster trucks By Anybody But Jim Hanna Staff SometNng-or other Faced with a bigger than reported budget shortfall and rising discontent within the less sophisticated ranks of the Lincoln populace, The Laid Center for Performing Farts has announced a major overhaul of the 1991-92 season. Laid director Bobby Bumbly proudly un veiled a new season designed to generate more dollars and provide entertainment options for less artsy consumers. Among the new events scheduled for next season arc two appearenccs by The World Wrestling Federation, the an nual Toughshil Contest and a tractor pull. “As you can imagine, we’re beyond ecstatic to have these new events on our season,’’ Bumbly said. Laid planners realized they were not cater ing to enough sectors of the population to see real profits. After several weeks of planning, the selection team decided it was lime to re - i<--— Yeah, yeah, it’s really great to see some pussy tenor from Eu rope sing his sissy little operas or to have a bunch of fat thighed dancers from the Ruskie ballet twitter across the stage. But give me 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan whacking Hulk Hogan with a 2X4 any day. That's art, man. Bumbiy Laid director move some ot the more high-brow events from the calendar. “Yeah, yeah, it’s really great to see some pussy tenor from Europe sing his sissy little operas or to have a bunch of fat-thighed danc ers from the Ruskic ballet twitter across the stage. But give me ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan whacking Hulk Hogan with a 2 X 4 anyday. That’s art, man,’’ Bumbly said. 1 he major highlight of the new season will be the October presentation of the Butt-Kick in’ Monster Truck/DcmoliUon Derby Extra vagan/a. --—— TJ On October 13, the baddest monster trucks in North America will duke it out in a winncr take-all demolition derby on the Laid Center stage. “I can’t tell you how stoked I am that those babies are gonna go at it on my stage. When those big fuckin’ engines get to blastin’ and they start creamin’ the hell out of one another, I just get all riled. My blood pumps and my testosterone levels soar and I picture myself behind the wheel of one of those sweet beasts. .. god, I just go nuts,” Bumbly said, as a small bulge grew in his pants. When asked what his tavonte pan 01 me monster truck competition was, Bumbly nearly lost his mind. “When those big studs really open it up and those engines start firing. V VVVRRRROOOOOOOOOM!!! HUMMMM-HUMMMMM!!!! V V V VRRRRROOOOOOOM M M!!!! EEEEEEEERRRRRR! LOOK OUT! GOD, 1 JUST CAN’T FUCKING STAND IT!” Bum bly said before convulsing slightly at the hips and excusing himself. Bumbly relumed shortly with a protracted grin on his face. “Now, as I was saying, we are quite excited about this year’s season. We have still kept some of the sissy stuff like plays and sympho nies but we think everyone will agree that our new stuff can kick Loveshak Perlman’s ass any day. We hope it sells well.” For tickets to the artsy, boring shows, call the Laid Box office. For convenience, a hotline has been set up to take orders for the new macho series. Dial 1-800-GET-TUFF. f