Delta Nu’er
Sub-rosa newsletter of the elite and privileged
SISTER HOSES
By Mickey Cock
Staff Squeezer
Hair Pi Omega
Good luck on the paternity
suits.
Havea Belta Pi
Jizz slinger ‘91 was the
success you thought it
would be. Tramps.
Alpha Omigod
Pi
Girls, girls, girls — you
can’t be dressing in the
windows, what would Sel
lick think?
Alphar Phree
Balls resting on chins? What
kind of philanthropy is that?
Allthe Zeros
Delta
Hugely Knockers; Hans
Christian Andersen. ‘Nuff
said.
Chi Omooga
All work and no play makes
your sweet pubies fray.
Felta Delta’s
Belta
Too too too much much
much oral oral oral sex sex
sex makes makes makes
you you you stutter stutter
stutter. At least that’s what
we heard.
Swelta Rama
Aerobic tongue exercises?
Gamma Vi
Brator
If a gamma’s vibrator needs
batteries, whose car hood
would you lift?
Kuppa Cocka
Theta
Apparently one of the “elite
and privileged.” The title
of “talented” also should
be added to the list, for the
masterful balancing of
drinks while on theirbacks.
Kuppa Dicka
Please don’t.
Kumma
Kumma
Getcha
Another of the “elite and
privileged.” Of course, their
parents and boyfriends
should receive the credit for
that. “Blessed are the cheese
makers.”
Phi Mousse
Your hair products and tail
pipes are killing the ozone
layers.
Phive Greata
Thighs
Nutlicking is philatio NOT
philanthropy.
Pi Bita Thigh
Pretty weak T-shirts. If you
aren’t “elite and privileged,”
then why be a geek organi
zation?
Browne Eye
Clube
Wee aree note ine ve olde
Englande. Leame howe toe
spelle.
Maybe
Pfhightya
Lata
Diamonds aren’t a girl’s best
friend. Pearl necklaces are.
FRAT RATS
Pflegm Men
Nice name. Where men are
men and sheep run scared.
Smegma Chite
See IfPhi Kuppa Thigh.
Trickangle
Do your mommies know
where you are?
* *■
r* *■ ' * - _ I
TheTextured Shirt. If you're fat and forty, forget it
Slick Snappar/Daily Halt-Asskin
The epitome of a geek. Many have tried, but few have achieved, the 70s macho look—the aura of a
management-lovingman.lt just cries out for a pocket protector... or some kind of protection.
mmmBmammmaammmmmaaaammm
Akakakakakcia
“W&ck Wack” is the sound
of the rejected effort of oral
sex. Or of brotherly love.
Or both.
Awlpfhal
Scamma Rho
Where men are men and
pledges run scared.
■■nHBMHHMHHMni
Awlpfhal
Scamma
Smegma
Giving the term “riding
dogies” a literal definition.
Gyratea
Theta’s Pi
If drugs were sex, these guys
would be raw.
Awlphal
Phucking
Awlphal
Is 69 really a favorite num
ber or a county in Nebraska.
Kuppa Lotta
Thighs
See Dicka Toucha Dicka.
mwniiBiiiwiiiMn wiihi in ■—) miiin ■miiiiii
Awlphal
Tautass
Omega
“Thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor’s pole.” Leviticus
something, we’re sure.
NOT!
Lame Thigh
Awlphal
Playing bury the pickle too
much, may put you in the
hole academically.
Thigh Phive
“Dicks for Kids?” Pedo
philia? These guys make
Plato look like a fairy god
mother. Don’t tell me you
run an all-night baby-sit
ting clinic.
Dicka Toucha
Dicka
Somebody here needs some
good head.
Dicka
• Oopsilon
Good thing the health cen
ter is so close. Gonorrhea is
not a Biblical city.
FarmHoser
“Little sister” to “sister.”
Who gives a fuck. We want
to know how their mothers
fit into all this.
Kuppa
Smegma
Let the squirrels store nuts
in their cheeks.
Phive Dicka
Theta
Being products of genera
tions of in-breeding, these
poor cross-eyed geeks
obviously had very little to
say in the matter. Don’t
blame them.
Phigment
Goober Dicka
Love your purple doors
almost as much as your
purple helmets.
IfPhi Kuppa
Thigh
Hazing? What hazing?
Electrical tape belongs on
genitals.
Pi Kuppa
Thigh
It’s really neat that your
house has stock in Dep.
Smegma
Awphu!
Hairsalon
Nice hair. Both styles.
Smegma
Awlphal Moo
Why is your theme song
“Love Shack?”
Smegma New
Here’s to keeping Little
Sisters little. What do yoi
mean, “keeping women ir
their place?” They are sis
ters, you know.
Smegma Phi
Hairsalon
How does it feel to live
with Opie, the ASUN won
der-dog?
Taut Kunta 3
Wetsilon
Nice hair. Maybe you could
get together with Smegma
Awpful Hairsalon.
Thicka Thigh
Up yours.
►
Thicka Eyes
Haven’t you learned any
thing? It’s not the meat, it’s
the motion.
i
! Delta Nu
)
Why are you all on the rag?
iMwiim ■■■ ii iiihi wimnir
Dicks!
Tri-Phis’penis extenders put them on top
By AI Koholic
Staff Cheezor
In an independent study conducted
by the Panthcllenic Board, the Tri
Phis were found to be the biggest
dicks on campus.
Tri-Phi president Peter Wacker said
the addition of a new penis extension
machine is what put them on top.
“Our members arc really devoted
to penis size. There isn’t a moment
during the day that one of our guys
isn’t putting in some time on the
Whack-o-Malic,” he ejaculated.
A Panthell delegate who wished to
remain anonymous concurred with
the study and said she also thought
the Tri-Phis were the biggest dicks on
campus.
Sig Sig was a close second in the
race. Sig Sig member Matt Surbate
attributed the showing to strong
membership within the house.
“Between ANUS elections and on
campus leadership, our members were
whacking each other off to get leader
ship positions from guys higher up in
the house. That came in hand — 1
mean handy,” he ejaculated.
Coming in the rear — last place in
the survey — was Smegma Epsilon
Chi.
Big dicks^n campus
In a campus-wide survey, the Tri-Phis Sil©t1C© Of th©
pulled out ahead of other fraternities. . ._.
Lambdas
Nearly all fraternities answered :
the survey. The Tri Phis beat
8 off other houses by answering
all questions while the Smegma
Epsilon Chis lost interest after
the first few questions. The
6 Delta Nus took the longest to
answer and the Lambda Chus
did not respond at all.
Tri Phi
4 ' ispent
■I 3 min.
Smegma Epsilon Chi
□10%
2 ■ 2 min.
Delta Nu
I 170%
■HTmin
^ Lambda Chu
Tri Phi Smegma Epsilon |||5min □ Total answered
Measurements In picas. Chl [I Total time taken
Source: A guy named Eddie. BIBB
Big Ben/Daily Halfaakin