Bob Nelson trains in his bedroom. The Norton Anthologies are on the desk in the bottom
picture.
igning away life for story;
raining to be Toughman
y Bob Nelson
Editor
The Punch came from nowhere
I in the second round. I assume it
a right.
rom the videotape of the fight, it
s like 1 walked into it Then I
iced off the ropes, twirled, stag
d, took an autonomic swing at the
nd fell to the canvas.
/hile all this happened and up
the count of five, I was some
re in my head enjoying the uni
e. At the count of six, I woke to a
yelling numbers backed by hun
s of bloodthirsty Neanderthals
aming “Get Up!” My right nostril
bleeding.
fy opponent, “Skid Row*’ Willie
'ard, said later that he had ex
ed me to continue fighting. The
cc said that he had called the
after he looked at my eyes, which
aid were staring at something in
ent Greece.
>ul all I remember is staring into
lights of Pershing Auditorium
king this: I never ever as long as I
want to be punched in the face
md more importantly:
want my mommy.
he Beginning
ipril 2, Paul Domcicr, sports edi
>f the Daily Nebraskan, posted a
:e to all staff members. In it, he
red S50 to anyone who would
r the 1991 Toughman/
ghwoman Contest April 18 in
hing Auditorium and write a story
it the experience.
4 the lime, I was in my third
th of karate. 1 was also close to
right weight, in passable shape
extremely gullible to get-rien
k schemes.
o, April 4 .a 3 p.m., I met with
Johnston, promoter and organ
3f the tournament, at his Toughman
[quarters in Room 142 of the
>ort Econo Lodge,
irst, he said that nobody ever has
i seriously injured in any of the
ghman/Toughwoman contests,
worst he had seen in 12 years was
3ken nose.
le said that my nose might cause
>blem because of its size, but that
uld win SI,000 and a black satin
ghman jacket if I outlasted 15
-44 -
Real fighters, including
the other light heavy
weights, had only their
pride. The 'Killer
instinct'the desire to
win’, seemed not like
the desire to be the
first, but the Instinct
not to be the last.
-ft -
other contestants in the light heavy
weight division. In theory, he said, I
had a chance, because none of the
other contestants could be too good.
Nobody could have more than five
victories in amateur boxing or kick
boxing matches.
Each contestant, he said, would
wear foot pads, a waist pad, a mouth
piece, 16-ounce training gloves and
headgear. It was the safest event in
fighting, he said.
Then he gave me an entry form. I
wrote down my name, address, phone
number and weight, which was 156
pounds, but 160 pounds to make the
160-175 light heavyweight division.
Then I wrote my last date of hospi
talization, doctor’s name, prior ill
nesses, interesting facts (I like pain),
preferred fighting nickname (Canvas
back) and previous fighting experi
ence (none).
Then, after signing my name to
what I thought was the bottom line, I
was given the second form, which
was:
The Release From Responsibility
For Participation In Inherently Dan
gerous Events, in which I promised
not to sue in case of “any damage ...
resulting in the death of releasor,
whether caused by the negligence of
releases or otherwise while the relea
sor is competing or for any purposes
participating in the said ‘Toughman
Contest.’”
Then Johnston offered me a Miller
Lite, which I accepted on the grounds
that he had to give me advice.
He told me that fighters jn
Toughman contests often wear but
quickly. He told me to jog a lot.
He told me 16-ounce boxing gloves
can get very heavy very quickly. He
told me to shadowbox while holding
some sort of weights. He suggested
books.
He also said it would help if I
learned how to fight.
Then he gave me the Fighter Fact
Sheet. It said I needed a mouthpiece,
handwrap, gauze, towels and to be at
Pershing Auditorium no later than S
p.m. Thursday, April 18. Johnston
wished me good luck. I had 14 days
and two hours to train, he said.
The Training
Overall Plan: Absolutely no more
smoking. Heavy eating to gain four
pounds. Beer drinking limited to one
12-oz bottle on weekdays, limit of
two on weekends. Training: Long
distance running, pushups, silups,
shadowboxing and kicking with
weights. Note: More than two 12-oz
bottles possible on weekends if weight
gain necessary. April 5: Rose at 6:! 2
a.m. to jog. Destination: Cooper Park,
0.4 miles. Goal: To start easy. Notes:
Strong pace to park, some shadow
boxing. One shadow kick.
April 6 to 13: Karate class Mon
day, Wednesday, Friday. log of 2.2
miles. Ate Godfather’s all-you-can
eat buffet four times. Notes: Jogging
is hard on the knees. Four 12-oz bottles
of beer necessary' Saturday night for
weight gaining.
April 14: Began serious training.
Jogged two miles, did three sets of 40
pushups, four sets of 50 situps.
Shadowboxed and kicked in room
for one hour. Shadowboxed for en
tirety of Faith No More’s version of
“War Pigs” while holding The Nor
ton Anthology of American Litera
ture Volume 1 in left hand and The
Norton Anthology of American Lit
erature Volume 2 in right hand. Notes:
There is a lot of American literature.
April 15: Went to karate. Jogged
one mile. Did three sets of 30 pushups
and three sets of 40 situps. Shadow
boxed and kicked in room. Shadow
boxed for entirety of Jane’s Addic
lion’s “Slop” while holding
“Khrushchev Remembers” in left hand
and “Khrushchev Remembers: The
Last Testament” in right hand. Notes:
Told karate instructor about fight. He
said that was ironic, since he was
doing a research paper on amateur
fighters killed in the ring.
The Last 48 Hours
My friends were planning to vide
otape the fight and show it at what
they were labeling “The Post-fight
Wake.”
Then they were going to plant me in
the backyard. They promised to wa
ter me.
But by Tuesday, the concept of
fighting another human being had
lost much of its humor. Kickboxing is
a violent sport. Violence and humor
only work together in cartoons.
But there would only be three rounds
of 60 seconds each. There was no
kicking to the head or below the waist.
Nobody had ever been seriously in
jured in a Toughman Contest.
More than the fear of pain or in
jury, though, was the fear of humili
See TOUGHMAN on 10