Spring Break in Lincoln offers possibilities
It's that time of year again.
For weeks, you’ve had to put
up with people in your classes
making plans to go to California,
Florida, South Padre or that ulti
mate tourist trap for underage
college students who want to drink
Coronas and buy cheap woven
shirts — Cancun.
And you're not going anywhere
for Spring Break — anywhere other
than your job or the library.
Maybe, like me, you can't get
time off work. Maybe you don't
have any money, also like me.
Maybe you're so far behind in your
studies that the idea of a break
would be to sleep more than three
hours each night, even more like
me.
You might want to make your
self feel better by doing some re
ally vindictive things. But wishing
sunburn, diarrhea and cases or
chlamydia on plastic people is
ultimately pointless and only uses
up all the energy you'll need to
have a good time in Lincoln dur
ing Spring Break—or kill yourself
trying
The first thing to have is a posi
tive mental attitude. Look your
self in the mirror and think about
all the good things about staying
home while everyone else is gone:
• You won't increase your risk
of skin cancer.
• You won't have to worry about
making a fool of yourself on na
tional television while dancing on
the beach in your swimsuit during
the taping of Club MTV — your
friends might.
• You don't have to worry about
how your body looks in a swim
suit, because no one else will see it
(unless, by some freak cha nee, you
get lucky).
• You have a chance to get all
that homework done and laugh at
your happy, hung over, tanned
friends wnen they fail later on in
the semester.
Try eating three reasonably well
balanced meals a day and getting
eight hoursof sleep. Whata differ
ent person you've oecome. Could
it be that your complexion's even
cleared up? Golly, you might not
have felt this healthy since you
were eight years old.
coin can seem like a whole differ
ent city.
Clean your entire apartment
from top to bottom, even the space
behind your bathroom taps. Just
think about it: If you should hap
pen to meet someone (you worn t,
since everyone's gone, but hope
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•You'll probably have no prob
lem getting a bootn at Duffy's on
the weekend.
If these happy thoughts don't
make you feel any better, maybe
some other drastic measures are
in order.
One person I know spent al
most the entire Spring Break in
her apartment, sleeping all day
and talking on the phone to an
other hermit all night. Try it your
self. After not leaving your apart
ment for several days, even Lin
springs eternal), there's no worry
about inviting her or him back to
your place and finding your room
maters socks and bow! of petrified
Cheese Whiz and jalapeno pep
pers on the living room floor.
Cut your hair very short and
bleach it, or buy a hair extension.
Take multi-vitamins all week
and see if you notice a difference.
Don't shower for a few days,
wash your hair or change your
underwear. Do brush your teeth.
Let's face it: Secretly, you've al
ways want to do this, and now
you don't have to wony about
what people in class will tnink. Go
aheaa, indulge.
Stay up every night watching
all those ^info-mercials" on cable
TV. Make a list of all the wonder
ful, easy foods you can make with
a Snak-Master, then plan whole
menus around them.
Put on your best suit, pick up a
briefcase and spend every noon
hour at one of Lincoln's down
town restaurants looking impor
tant. Take along a cellular phone if
you can find one. If anyone makes
conversation with you, act like you
know what you're talking about.
Lie. You might even consider
changing your major after Spring
Break.
Deworm your cat. Think twice
about ever eating off the same plate
as your pets again.
Maybe these hints can get you
through Spring Break. You might
even be glad when classes start
again.
And when anyone asks you what
you did over Spring Break, just
smile naughtily, act vague and
shrug.
William Rudolph is a senior English
major and Daily Nebraskan arts and en
tertainment reporter.
Stranded with Maui dreams \
i
The only thing I hate more than
the myth of a week-long vacation,
when two exams and a 50-page
term paper are due the day 1 get
back, is my obnoxiously annoying
friend who likes to sing, "I'm going
to Padre!"
I hate her! As she's sunning,
I'm going to be stuck in the Star
City trying to catch up on ail the
reading I didn't have time for earlier
in the semester.
What's even more irritating is
that as the day gets closer, the
more she likes to talk about her
trip and what a fabulous time she's
going to have.
I finally couldn't take it any
more. As she was giving this long
tirade about what a great ocean
side view she'll have from her
luxury hotel room, complete with
Jacuzzi and room service, I men
tioned in passing the great deal I
got on an ocean-front condomin
ium in Maui. It comes included
with a private beach and wealthy
Yalie, son of my father's friena,
who will be my escort for the week.
I didn't hear a peep out of Miss
Padre for the rest of the day. My
other friends, however, were clam
oring for details as I stuttered and
bluffed my way through.
It's really my uncle s condo, I
said, lying through my teeth; he
doesn't use it this time of year.
And the Yalie was unexpected.
Now, 1 have to figure out how
to stay in mv apartment without
any of my friends knowing I'm
home.
I've hit upon a plan.
I'm going to stock my refrigera
tor with food to last a week, with
tropical fruits and plenty of exotic
seafood (Mrs. Pauf's) to make me
feel the part.
I picked up a silk-flower lei to
casually drape over my lamp, some
white sand to track through the
carpet and some seashells to put
in a bowl inconspicuously on the
table.
Everybody comes back from
Spring Break with a T-shirt, so I
ordered myself a fuchsia shirt with
a surfer on the back and bold black
letters that read: Spring Break Maui
'91. It should be ready by the time
classes resume.
I'm going to rent some Hawai
ian travel tapes, so I can pick up
some of the lingo and drop place
names. Old Elvis movies will also
help set the pace.
Tanning is no problem. There is
a plethora of new tanning lotions
that temporarily dye your skin for
a healthy, glowing, natural-look
ing tan (with no skin cancer). I
thought I'd also wear some Ha
waiian Tropic coconut oil to be
more legitimate.
Postcards are important, so I
found the postcard book my
grandma brought back to me from
Hawaii when I was in junior high.
I'm going to write to my friends, i
put on the postage, and mail them
m a manilia envelope to the Bu- I
reau of Tourism in Honolulu, with I
$5 enclosed and a note asking them
to post them. I'm also going to ask
them to Federal Express some travel '
brochures and maps of the region. I
See MAUI on 11 ]
iW.C.'s W.C.'sl
TAKE A STUDY BREAK! j
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