IBook
Continued from Page 9
about past mistakes and embar
rassments? The Caswell Life Edit
ing System is just for you. Because
it directly interfaces with your mem
ory, this system “not only removes
offending material from your mem
ory, but automatically ‘splices’ your
life back together for a seamless
and superior version of a personal
reality.”
Finding it impossible to keep up
with all the news of the world? It
could be time to purchase “The
Wide World of Everything,” a vide
ocassette documentary that “cov
ers every subject known to man in
a single one-hour show.”
Those are only a small sam
pling of the products available in
“Not Available in Any Store,” which
offers “96 BIG PAGES of Personal
Fulfillment.”
Composed largely of garish
1950s pulp magazine advertising
send ups, this book is a farcical
romp through the consumer-ori
ented unconsciousness of the nu
clear family.
The advertising style is familiar
to all of us who collected comics in
the early 1970s: cheesy art, “au
thentic” letters from satisfied cus
tomers, the appeals to fears of in
adequacy and all the rest.
Most of these ads are directed
toward adults, so convenience and
conformity seem to be the cardinal
values. Do it yourself, do it quickly,
do it at home, do it better than your
neighbor: these are the themes that
still move a country.
Other sample items, none of them
short on satire, include:
• StewartGoodlife Lenses, “the
one and only contact lens that fil
ters out poverty and the poor from
your field of vision, leaving only
pleasing people and objects to
contemplate.”
• The Noveltron, which “lets a
person be a novelist without writ
ing a single word!”
• The Man-On-the-Street-Insti
tute, which will “train you to pro
vide the hackneyed opinions and
sentiments that local and network
news reports are crying out for.”
Divided into sections like Life
Management Accessories and In
terpersonal Activity Enhancers,
these are products that call out to
us from old detective magazines or
3 a.m. advertising on UHF sta
tions.
For a classic collection of satire
and humor in which reality and the
advertised life are often confused,
seek this catalog of the products
we all secretly desire but which,
alas, are “Not Available in Any
Store.”
Dead
Continued from Page 9
the ironic twist of its predecessor.
That’s the only real surprise here,
so the question then is not “Why do
a remake?” but rather “Why see
it?” This new batch of creeps is
good for a few screams, but people
who still aren’t acquainted with
“The Dead” are better off taking
their cash to the video store.
If curiosity gets the best of you,
though, the new “Night of the Living
Dead” is playing at the State Thea
ter, 1415 0 St.
72 Rentals
74 Social Services
-1 76 Travel
2 Appliances 78 Tutoring
3 Bicycles 80 Typing 4 Resumes
4 bOOKS -
5 Clothing
6 Computers _
8 Furniture 100 Rides
9 Garage Sales 110 Announcements
0 Misc For Sale 120 Greek Attains
12 Musical Instruments 130 Student Government
13 Pets 135 Meeting Others
’4 Photo Equipment 140 Personals
16 Sporting Goods 145 Lost 4 Found
18 Stereos/TVs 148 Wanted
19 Ticket Exchange 149 Fund Raising
20 Vehicles
„ . 150 Child Care Needed
22 Adoption 160 Help Wanted
26 Automotive 162 Work Study Jobs
30 Bridal 164 Summer Jobs
7? Cleaning/Laundry -
-6 Health & Fitness
•o'se Boarding -
38 Insurance 170 Roommates
40 Instruction 175 Rooms For Rent
42 job Placement 180 Houses For Rent
44 Legal 185 Duplex For Rent
60 Misc Services 190 Apartments For Rent
6? P-nananew 192 Mobile Homes For Rent
M PrZno 194 Homes For Sale
70 Religious 196 v*call0n R*nlai!>
$3 00 per day for 15 words on individual student
and student organization ads.
$3 75 per day for 15 words on commercial ads
$ 15 each additional word
$ /5 pilling charge Personal ads must be prepaid
Found ads may be submitted free of charge
DEADLINE: 2:00 pm. weekday before publica
tion.
3 Bicycles For Sale
1989 20" red GT Mountain Bike Cromoly frame,
Shimano SIS. very durable' $240 Call 436-9314.
6 Computers For Sale
Student s best friend Apple He. second external drive,
Panasonic 1080) LQ printer, and software including
Apple Works, games, and copy disks $750 obo. Dave.
464 7059
8 Furniture For Sale
Brown pit couch, rust oolored sola, decorative lamp. 2
pmg pong tables Perfect for family room or fraternity rec
room 488 5944
10 Misc. For Sale
Free used carpet' Call Bill Ramsey tor information. Day
time 472-3611 ext. 348 or evenings 489 2067.
Halloween Magic
Costume yourself in witch hat, dew horns, fedora,
feather boa. fairy princess look & more. Check our selec
tionl
One More Time 850 No. 27th
18 Stereos/TVs for sale
Panasonic compact stereo, LED Active Tuning, PLL
Multiplex Circuit, cassette, turntable, speakers included
$100 474 1524
19 Ticket Exchange
Alumni looking tor 2-5 tickets tor NE/OK game m OK,
November 23 Collect 214 220 4856. 8 00 b 00
Need 2 CU vs. NE footoall tickets Please leave message
at 466 9389
One student ticket, 3rd row seat, Colorado game. Highest
offer plus validation. Call Chris at 423-3700.
WANTED: 2 tickets for Colorado vs. Nebraska on 11/3.
Will pay top $. Call 312-280-1212.
20 Vehicles For Sale
'82 ESCORT STATION WAGON, 4-door, a/c, power
steering. Pioneer am/fm cassette, roof-rack, new timing
belt. 62,000 miles. 81,BOO o.b.o. 467-2026
'77 VW Rabbit, runs good. $250. Call 483-6752 after
7:00pm.
1989 Nissan Sentra, 2-door, 4-speed, AM/FM, 15,000
miles, extra nice, $4950, offers. Baer's Auto Sales. 1647
S. 3rd, 477-6442.
1985 Honda Prelude, one owner, excellent condition,
72,000 miles, $7000. 476-2056.
110 Announcements
‘Sneak Preview Movie*
Jacob's Ladder
800 p.m. at the Sheldon
Tuesday, October 23. 1990
FREE! FREE! FREE!
Tickets available city union CAP office. Sponsored by
UPC American Films. 1
Anyone interested in helping with the Kenny
Rogers and Dolly Parton concert on October 28,
oome to an organizational meeting on Wednes
day, October 24 at 4:00pm in the NE Union.
Free admission to the showl
Sian up to help with the Kenny & Dolly concert
Meetings: Today 7pm, Wednesday 4pm,
Thursday 6pm. All meetings at City Union.
Business Dining Etiquette Seminar!
Thursday, November 1, 6*0 - 8*0 p.m. in the Ne
braska Union. Review the line points ol etiquette and
increase your confidence during a meal interview Cost
$10.00. Reservations required. Contact Career Planning
& Placement, Room 230 NU.
Campus Red Cross
Tonight at 6:00
in the Union
Dry White Season
Presented by
UPC American Films and UPC Talks and Topics
East Campus Union
Thursday October 25. 1990
6 30 and 8:30pm
Tickets: with ID S2 00, $3.00 non.
Get involved' Volunteer to help Exon Nelson. Crump, et
a. gel elected Call Rick, Becky 434-3966.
Golden Key Members!!
Persons interested in becoming an officer should atteitd
the meeting on Wednesday. Oct 24 at 9:00pm in HAH
548 Oflicer duties will be discussed! Dorn forget the
informative 2% Lid Assembly to be held on Tuesday, Oct.
23 at 7:00pm in Love Library Auditorium.
INTRAMURAL DEADLINES
Tuesday, 10-23 is the entry deadline tor the following
intramural activities co-rec basketball, co-rec indoor
soccer, men s * women's volleyball, backgammon, and
mens, women s, and co-rec 3-on-3 basketball. 472
3467
NSE orientation leader applications are due TODAY by
5pm. Turn in completed applications to the CAP office,
200 NE Union.
NU Meds
Guest speaker Dr. Gfeller "Practice of Medicine", Tues
day, Oct. 23, in City Union. Room will be posted. There
will be a sign-up for first aid/adult CPR certification. The
class is scheduled for Sunday. Oct 28. form 8 a.m.- 5:30
p.m. We must have commitment no later than Oct 23.
Remember: Must pay duesl
PRIVATE GUITAR
INSTRUCTION
Beginners or advanced Lessons can include use of
rental guitar at S8 per week
Zager Studio 489-2430.
Rodeo Club Benefit Dance
At the Kattle Kompany
27th and Holdrege
Wednesday, October 24th, 9:00-1:00
Featuring Sandy Creek Band
and Fast Moving Train
$3.00 per person or $5.00 per couple
I ——————
CORNCOBS
Meeting today - 4:30 p.m. in the Union
Sian up to help with the Kenny & Dolly concert
. Meetings: Today 7pm, Wednesday 4pm,
Thursday 6pm. Ail meetings at City Union.
Students Against 2%
Tuesday, Oct. 23
Very Important Meeting
Meet at tne ASUN office at 6:00 pm
Teachers College Advisory Board applications are avail
able in Henzlik student Services Center. Due Date Octo
oer 24th.
Travel to London and Paris
Why not join, a UN-L study tour during semester break’
Study the arts or theater and earn credit. Call Flights &
Study Tours 472-3264 lor details or stop by 1237 R
Street, Room 102.
TRAVEL TO MEXICO
Disfruta y aprendeen Mexico. IY ganacreditos tambienl
Join a study tour during semester break Call Flights A
Study Tours 472-3264 tor details or stop by 1237 R
Street, Room 102.
Peace
Information and applications, Oct. 23,1090.
Nebraska Union, 7:30 p.m.
UNION BOARD
Meeting Today. October 23
5:00pm Culture Center
City & East Campus D(f| Harper-Shramm Smith
475-7672 SffB. 476-0787
j $8.05 tax
| 2 10" One Topping Pizzas J
plus 2 Cokes
Expires 11-3-90 1
$7.99 + tax
Large One Item Pizza |
plus 1 Liter of Coke
mmmM m i _
THK FAR SIDE By GARY LARSON
"Joe! You went and ate the pig I was going to serve
this evening to the MacIntyres? ... Well you just
disgorge it — it should still be OK.
campus notes
COME ON BKTIAN
LAN OFF TW)MAS
F OR AWHU.E. TME 609
HARDLY KNOWS
WHERE ME \$
KHV MOCt.
^HE WALKS AROUND^
/n IN A RATE Au_
/ I THE TIKE. . BRIAN,
/ ' ... HEW BRIAN? ,
of kJ-k
_by brian shellito
40
, SNOUT
k/
Crossword Edited by Eugene T. Maleska
ACROSS
1 Singer Elliot
5 Mideast rulers
10 An anagram for
team
14 Dos y seis
15 Pissarro
contemporary
16 Russian saint
17 Tea sweetener
10 Fabulist
20 Naturalist
Charles
21 One in
opposition
23 Bring home the
bacon
25 Medieval blade
2« Salutes
28 Kampala native
32 2001 A Space
Odyssey* star
33 Spheres
34 Ankara
35 Just
36 Night on the
town
38 Caesar and
Stone
30 III x LXVII
40 Command to
Fido
41 Still-life objects
43 Jewish months
45 Knitters woes
46 Burden
47 Peon's
predecessor
46 Crib spread
51 Goalies' credits
55 Diner order
56 Irregularly
shaped piece of
furniture
58 Route to Roma
59 Provide (with)
60 Kett of comics
61 Skeletal
62 “The Second
Coming" poet
63 Cheer
DOWN
1 Career 367
hitter
2 Homestead
segment
3 Sabot
4 Salt pork
5 Bad-,
German spa
6 Laments
7 "Picnic"
playwright
8 Give new
confidence to
9 Tall, skinny
fellers
10 Lavalike
11 Nobelist Wiesei
12 Medium for
Pasteur
13 Swabbie
18 Fraser of tennis
22 Vastntesses
24 Thanksgiving
favorite
26 Suspicion
guess
27 “-Rhee."
1865 song
29 Kind of sergeant
30 Culex s km
31 Drumnadrochit s
loch
32 Severinsen and
Holliday
33 Kid-, tamed
jazzman
37 Dice shooter s
strip
38 Farm implement
40 Balanced
42 Li'l Abner s
mammy
44 Flaubert heroine
45 Metal fastener
48 Roman
statesman
49 Chamber in a
pizzeria
50 Snorri s stories
52 Oval Office act
53 "-Perpetua ‘
Idaho's motto
54 Card game for
three
55 Triangular sail
57 M I T grads
ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE