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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 24, 1990)
New dances inspired by political events I never got to dance the slow dances in junior high. As soon as the Duran Duran music stopped and the mournful Lionel Richie ballads started, I made my way to the edge of the dance floor and watched all of the couples take over. Basically, I was too afraid to ask the girls to dance and was too much of a dork to have them ask me. So through all of the Journey, REO Specdwagon and Air Supply love tunes, 1 stood by the drinking fountain with the rest of my cowardly friends. The cool kids on the dance floor seemed to gloat over the advanced nature of their interpersonal relation ships with the opposite sex as though they almost knew what love was. The guys who were really serious might whisper into their girlfriend’s car, “You know, you rally are ‘Every Woman in the World to Me.”' My envy was almost palpable. But most of all, I remember that dance; that generic, side to side shuffle, slow dance that all kids knew how to do without a single lesson. Even a guy like me who didn’t have too many slow dances in junior high knew how to slow dance. Now, as I near the end of my sexual evolution into adulthood, the only dance 1 really know how to do is the generic junior high slow dance. I barely polka, do a bastardized waltz and I can stumble through the jitter bug. I do, however, know how to do a mean jazz hand. The point is, I can’t dance any of ihc standard dances and if I’m right, I don’t think a lot of my college peers know how to do many “real” dances either. It’s not our fault. We’re just in an age where dancing is nola regimented activity wrought with rules. We just move and try to feel the music. Our grandparents all know how to polka and waltz and maybe even square dance. It’s time that our generation had some dances to call their own. Here are some new dances that I’ve invented. They all have rules. There can be some improvisation within them, but be careful. If we want to dance as our ancestors danced, we must remove creativity. THE LIED LIMBO: Actually, this is nothing like the limbo -- I just like alliteration. This is a dance for two people. One will represent a UNL student and the other will represent a box office employee at the Lied Center. The Lied employee starts by sticking his or her nose into the air and refus ing to acknowledge the student. The student will mime searching his or her pockets for money (all of this should be funky and abstracted, just like dancing should be). Finally, the student will produce his or her stu dent I.D. hoping to get a reasonable student discount, at which point the box office employee will throw his or £ M, Jim Hanna her head back and laugh out loud. Do this to a count of 16 and repeat. THE DOWNTOWN BAR HOP: This is a version of the popular weekend activity of the same name. Stand with your feet together and mime drinking a beer. Finish the beer and hop to your left as if you’re hopping to another bar. Drink another non-existent beer. Then jump forward and drink another beer. Do this for a long time. From here you may exhibit a little creativ ity. After you’ve jumped around sev eral limes you may either: A) pass out on the floor; B) puke on your shoes, or C) urinate in an alley. THE PHIL GOSCH RUMBA: This is a dance for a lot of people at a party. It starts with two: one an angry stu dent, the other Phil Gosch, president of the Association of Students of the University of Nebraska. The student starts by angrily dancing about and silently asking for Gosch’s resigna tion. “Gosch” begins to dance in a circle. At this point, everyone else at the party, representing AS UN sena tors, will converge in a circle around * ‘Gosch’ ’ and do a mad, over-protec tive dance to defend his honor. Do once to a count of 32 and the dance is a over. To repeat would be ridiculous. \ THE 2 PERCENT LID TANGO. There is no dance to be done here. The 1 dance has been canceled because money to conduct it was cut. THE PARALYZED CHICKEN: This is a variation of the 1970s dance, “The Funky Chicken.” Bend at the waist, hand your arms between your legs and remain motionless. Repeat every eight counts. THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS TWIST: A dance for two people, the NEA twist can be dangerous. One dancer is Senator Jesse Helms, the other is a piece of feder ally funded art. From here it’s simple. The art work will dance about artisti cally and the Jesse Helms dancer will beat the crap out of him or her with a bat. Now you’re set. At the next wed ding you go to, invite your grandma to do the Lied Limbo or the Paralyzed Chicken. Don’tallow them to humili ate you with the dances they learned ages ago. There’s a new generation of unimaginative dances and you are its benefactors. No longer is the junior high slow dance the only mindless dance you know. Let’s get out there and be dull. Hanna is a senior theater major and a Daily Nebraskan reporter and columnist. For information about FREE FOOD for pregnant women, infants and children under the age of 5, call: 1-800 Qll about Cats\ special store for cats, cat lovers\ and their friends \ riftc Carrie t chide 1627 South 17th St. Gifts, Cards, T“Snirts, . • ■ * ■ cocno Books, Collectables, Lmc°,i?'„ 5? i Jewelry, Cat Supplies 477-7877 (Purr) Tues.-Fri. 10.00 a.m.-6 p.m. Sat. 10-4 ^C^sedMon^ - Sun- 1‘4 TECHNOLOGY MAJORS - COMPUTE YOUR FUTURE WITH AIR FORCE ROTC. Add up the advantages of Air Force ROTC as you prepare to study science or engineering - and you’ll make some exciting discoveries. You’ll see how you can apply for two- or four-year scholarship programs to help pay for that college degree. You’ll discover that you can grad uate with a commission as an Air Force officer, ready to j I take your skills Into laser, satellite or other technologies. Call CAPT DOUGLAS WALTERS 472-2415 I Leadership Excellence Starts Here ^ [$50 $50 MONO Have you had mononucleosis within the last month? If so, your plasma could make a valuable contribution to research and earn you $50 at the same time. For additional details, call Lincoln Donor at 474-2335. V.. ^ ■■■..b I I \ NOTICE TO STUDENTS I All students are eligible to apply for a refund of their “A” portion of student fees during a period beginning August 27, 1990 and ending September 28, 1990. Students claiming a relund will lose benefits provided by Fund “A” users during the Fall semester 1990-91. Application forms arc available at the Student Activities Financial Service Office. Room 222, City Union; ASUN Office, 115 Nebraska Union; or the East CAP Office, Nebraska East Union and should be returned by the applicant in person to 222 Nebraska Union or 300 Nebraska East Union. Students must bring their student l.D. cards at the lime of application. Students who arc unable to personally return their application to the Student Activities Financial Services Office should contact Kim Undcrdahl, Room 222 (phone 472-5667) before September 21,1990 to make arrangements. Students who have completed a refund application and returned it on or before September 28,1990 will be mailed a check for the amount of the refund claimed. Refund checks will be mailed between the dates of October 1 and October 12, 1990. _ Fund “A” refund amounts are as follows: A.S.U.N...$2.67 Dally Nebraskan...$0.84 University Program Council.$4.03 Total Refund...$7.54 Students claiming a refund will lose certain benefits provided by the above listed Fund “A” users. For details on which benefits may be lost, please refer to the cover sheet on the refund application.