Latest ‘Ernest' film utterly without humor
By John Payne
Senior Reporter
Television commercial star Jim
Varney has reprised his role as Ernest
Worrel in “Ernest Goes to Jail,” yet
another in what already seems like an
onslaught of bad movies starring the
Roberts Dairy buffoon. Never has the
importance of being Ernest been so
minuscule.
This hair-brained, utterly humor
less flick simply is more than any
film-goer should be forced to endure.
The intent here obviously is slap
stick, but it has failed miserably.
Many of the scenes appear to be a
direct rip-off of the recent Pee Wee
Herman movies. It’s a good sign that
a screenplay is in trouble when it
starts borrowing heavily from Pec
Wee.
To go into any kind of depth as to
what this movie is about would be
pointless. Suffice to say that Ernest,
who works as a janitor in a bank,
-- - —
suddenly finds himself in the Big
House after being switched with the
prison tough guy. The baddie (also
played by Varney) bears an uncanny
resemblance to Ernest, so with the
help of his thugs, he pulls the switchc
roo while Ernest is taking a tour of the
penitentiary.
And so, as innocent Ernest errone
ously is incarcerated, the convict,
- 6 —--—
“Nash,” is out living Ernest’s life —
and plotting to rob the bank that he
now works at. Ernest, on the other
hand, is scheduled to fry in the elec
tric chair and must find a way to
escape and stop Nash.
Nothing like a little capital pun
ishment humor. It’s fun for the whole
family.
“Ernest Goes to Jail” was ill-fated
from the beginning. Its makers obvi
ously were operating under the as
sumption that Varney is funny. He
isn’t. He wears thin very quickly, and
watching him stumble around, get
thumped on the head, and work his
way in and out of preposterous situ
ations over and over agair, makes for
a painfully bad movie.
And that’s the most pitiful thing
about “Ernest Goes to Jail.” It doesn’t
even have enough bad material to
make it to the end of the movie - it
has to repeat the same idiotic gags
three or four times just to fill up the 1
1/2 hours. The writing here is so in
ept that every joke can be seen com
ing down main street before the punch
line is given.
One day, perhaps when we are all
dead and gone, Hollywood screen
writers will realize that unbelievably
stupid people arc not funny, only
annoying.
Some more advice for filmmakers:
never cast a dairy products spokes
man as the lead in the comedy, with
'joxer Randall “Tex” Cobb and vari
ous “Hee-Haw” stars in supporting
roles. There probably arc more quali
fied people out there.
Here’s hoping that Varney will go
back to doing 30-second TV com
mercials and stop making movies. If
not, let’s pray that his next flick will
be “Ernest Goes Away.”
Know what I mean?
Brian She Mho/Daily Nebraskan
Urban Dance Squad uses multitude
of sounds in respectable debut effort
By Michael Deeds
Senior Editor_
Urban Dance Squad
“Mental Floss for the Globe”
Arista
Yo, I’m rappin’ and uh scratchin’,
and uh, no bands arc matchin’-- ME/
I’m fusin’ rap, punk, funk, it’s a snap/
Yo, I'm copyin’ Colour, Icc-T, Fish
bone and othcrs/But I’m different
’cause I rap, I swear, I swear, 1 swear,
no crap . ..
So goes the story lor Urban Dance
Squad, a talented band undoubtedly,
but nothing to hold the rock presses
over.
Bragged up pretentiously by Arista
as a band “at the hard core of the new
dance underground,” the quintet
specializes in a sound that docs mix a
little funk, some major scratching,
cuts and percussion over the steady,
typical mouthings of vocalist Rudc
boy. But this Amsterdam-based Dance
Squad depends more on rapping and
less on jamming than some of their
musical associates.
Arista claims the band “blew bands
like Firehose and 24-7 Spy/, off the
stage at Poppark Festival ’89.”
OK, guys, maybe the band played
great, but let’s wait until they are
established in the states before we
start badmouthing established acts like
Hose and Spy/, both famous for
monstrous live shows.
Urban Dance Squad plays w ith a
lot of sounds at once, and frankly,
they must be praised for avoiding'
electronic rhythms and pre-recorded
scratches, unlike most of our favorite
rap acts today.
Tres Manos docs dabble with
appealing but quictguitar riffs in most
of the songs, conjuiing memories 01
good Beastic tunes. But Rudcboy likes
his reverb, which becomes less omi
nous and more annoying after awhile.
“Fast Lane” captures some of the
band’s supposed live energy, while
Famous When You’re Dead’ ’ pokes
fun at the world of martyr mass ap
peal.
On a dimmer note, however, “Piece
of the Rock” bangs the Nancy Re
agan crack-message out for the mil
lionth time to a world that knows the
same old song by heart.
Urban Dance Squad is a respect
able band making a respectable debut
effort. The band lakes few chances on
the 13 cuts, but after louring with acts
like Red Hot Chili Peppers and Tin
Machine, should have little trouble
breaking out in America.
Chills
Continued from Page 9
Andrew Todd with keyboards and
backing vocals, Justin Hanvood on
bass and backing vocals, and James
Stephenson on drums.
There really is nothing special about
this album. For the most pan, it is
boring and not very appealing at times.
The sound of The Chills is very
hard to pinpoint. At best, it is pop
alternative rock with some serious
ness and silliness mixed in. One thing
going for The Chills is a unique sound,
with the standard lineup of guitar,
bass, drums and keyboards. Their sound
is anything but ordinary. Their use of
keyboards is exuaordinary; unlike
many bands, The Chills rely heavily
on a weird, innovative keyboard sound.
Lyrically, Phillipps focuses more
on the imaginative side of life, which
proves to be to very strange at times.
The oniy bright spots on “Subma
—
rine Bells” arc “Heavenly Pop Hit”
and “Dead Web.” Both songs are
upbeat, weird, poppy and downright
silly, with an interesting carnival
sounding keyboard persistent through
out.
On “Heavenly Pop Hit,” Phil
lipps pokes lun at the music world
and the way pop stars act and gloat.
“And so I stand and the sound
goes straight through my body/I’m so
bloated up happy I could throw things
around mc/And I’m growing in stages
and have been for ages/Just singing,
and floating - and free. . ./It’s a
heavenly pop hit - if anyone wants
it.”
Aside from those few bright spots,
not much else sticks out substantially
on “Submarine Bells.” The keyboards
and vocals are neat and everything,
but The Chills can’t depend on key
boards and vocals alone. They aren’t
Dcpechc Mode.
It could still be a while before The
Chills heat up the music charts.
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