Arts & Entertainment
Fluffy, far-fetched plot works for comedy
By Julie Naughton
Senior Reporter _
“Opportunity Knocks” is the story
of a con man and how he lucks into
the “opportunity of a lifetime.”
Along the way. he sells a few bath
room fixtures, drives a sweet red
Porsche convertible, falls in love and
gets involved w ith the mob.
Right.
Dana Carve), of Saturday Night
Live “Church Lady” fame, plays
Eddie Farrell, the con man. His room
mate (played by Todd GrafD is in
debt to the mob for betting, so Eddie
helps the guv rob a house to raise the
cash.
They pick the right house.
The man whose house is chosen is
off on a month’s vacation to India.
When Eddie and friend arc robbing
ihe house, ihe houscsilier calls on ihe
answering machine to say he can t
make it.
Eddie and his friend go to pay off
the gambling debts, get peeved at the
“loan” collector and w reck his car.
Unfortunately, the car belongs to
the big Mafia boss, and has $60,000
in the trunk The man. after he figures
out w here his car went, sends his men
after Eddie and his friend.
Not wanting to become dead meat,
the two split up and go different ways.
Eddie returns to the robbed house
and assumes the identity of Jonathan
Albertson, the housesitter. Jonathon
supposedly is one of the house owner’s
college friends that his family and
friends have never met. But they’ve
heard stories.
Jonathon (the real one) is a Har
vard graduate and a business win/
that every major corporation is alter,
as well as a wild man, in a Boston
garage band and the former boyfriend
of Miss Texas.
Eddie steps into the role, glossing
mou£_.
^-t REVIEW t—
over what he doesn’t know much alxxil
and faking the rest. He gulps Chateau
Lafite, suggests new marketing tech
niques for bathroom fixtures and
schmoozes w ith David’s parents, Mill
and Mona Malkin (and their beautiful
doctor daughter, Annie - this is w/hcrc
the love part comes in).
At this point, Eddie’s friend is out
of the picture -- but later he (and the
mob men) come back to finish the
score. Bui in the meantime, Eddie is
having a great time being David (the
homeowner) \s friend. Jonathan Al
bertson.
Although the plot is a bit far-fetched,
it works. The plot has a number of
reaches — for instance, if Jonathon
was such a good friend of David's,
wouldn't his parents have seen pic
tures of the guy? - but the goolball
acting manages to bree/e through that
little problem. And the relationship
between Eddie and Annie is charm
ing and sweet.
Dana Carvey is a riot as the free
spiritcd Eddie Farrell. His disarming
grin and offbeat actions make this
part work. Few other actors could
have done a credible job with this
role, but Carvey effortlessly pulls it
off.
I
Julia Campbell is charming as
Eddie’s love interest, Annie. Although
Annie appears to hale Eddie at first,
as the movie develops, that changes.
Campbell makes the changes believ
able.
Coming in as Milt, David and
Annie's father, is veteran actor Rolxm
Loggia. Mill is a baseball-obsessed
president of a bathroom fixtures
company.
Overall, “Opportunity Knocks’’
will not change anybody’s life. It’s
not one of those movies that is talked
about for years in awed tones. But it is
a light, Huffy, appealing comedy for
those who don’t want to strain their
brains too hard.
“Opportunity Knocks” is playing
at the Cinema 1 and 2 Theatre, 201 N.
13lh St.
-1
Well-placed lies can’t be undervalued
So, when I was five, the evil girl
across the alley got a new bow and
arrow set.
My mom knew that little Amy was
from the wrong side of the alley, and
when she heard about the little hel
lion’s new weapon, she strictly for
bade me from going over to her house
to play.
I slyly crccped over to see Amy
and her cool new arrows. We sat in
her tree house and shot them into the
yard, which was a very smart thing to
do. If you’re trying to hide from your
mom, always go to the highest point
you can find and shoot things from it.
At one point, Amy ran out of ar
rows and told me to go down and pick
■ them all up. Being totally in awe of
her and her new implements of power,
I tail-waggingly agreed.
As I crossed the yard picking up
the arrows, sneaky Amy palled out an
arrow she had hidden in the tree house,
loaded it into her bow and launched it
at my tiny body.
It hit me in the arm. Being only a
slightly older than me, 7-year-old Amy
could muster only enough power to
send the arrow about a quarter of an
inch into my arm.
Looking back, I rcali/e just how
close I was to serious injury. As it
was, I saw that my injury wasn’t loo
bad and I only cned and hopped around
a little.
My first impulse: Run to mom in
search of her magical healing pow
ers.
The quick-thinking Amy, however,
saw the error in my 5-year-old analy
sis.
“You can ’ t tel I your mom. Y ou' re
not supposed to be over here.’’
Of course Amy was righL I couldn’t
tell my mom. That would be stupid. I
needed another plan of action.
Amy, using the wisdom that came
along with her two extra years of life,
laid out the intricate workings of a
complex plot that would save my tail.
tween my legs.
“Lie!”
Of course.
“Tell your mom that you were in
your garage and bumped up against a
nail. That’ll work”
For a moment, I was struck with
Jim
Hanna
the brilliance of her plan. I stood
slack-jawed, marveling at her inge
nuity and feeling the first stirrings of
my sexual identity which would not
be fully formed for at least 30 more
years.
I remember very vividly going home
to find my mother in the kitchen making
dinner. If I had shut my mouth, she
probably wouldn’teven have noticed
my wound. But Amy’s plan was so
brilliant that I had to put it into action.
“Look mom, I was playing in the
garage and 1 bumped into a nail stick
ing out of the wall and cut my aim. ’
I had just told the first 1 ie I can ever
remember telling my mom. She eyed
me for a moment with w hat I thought
was suspicion then told me I should
be more careful. Then, she served
dinner.
And that was it. 1 had told my first
lie and gotten away w ith it. I was on
lop of the world. 1 was the king. I had
received one of my first and most
important sociology lessons: Lie . . .
you might gel away with it.
We’re always told we’re not sup
posed to lie. The Ten Commandments
give lying the same weight ip .in
power as chopping somebody's head
off. I know I'll probably tell my chil
dren that lying is wrong.
So w hy do we do it? There literally
kind or anolher; yet if wc find out
we’ve been lied to, we self-righte
ously moan about honesty and trust.
I think we need to put lying into
perspective. Wc need to distinguish
between a good lie and a bad lie.
While I know that I’ll tell my kids
lying is wrong, if any of them come to
me w ith a lame story about bumping
into a nail in the garage, I’ll tell them
that’s even more wrong.
“Jim Jr.,’’ I’ll say. “I don’t want
you to lie, but if you’re going to
anyway, at least make it a good one.’’
That’s the lesson I learned loo laic
in life -- how to tell a good lie. The
message that stuck with me from my
childhood is don’t lie. Period.
For the longest time, I couldn’t tell
a constructive lie. I couldn’t say:
“I really liked the knit sweater
vest you made me, Uncle Lloyd. All
the kids at school arc really jealous
Instead:
“It’s all right, Uncle Lloyd. It’s
not my favorite color, and I’d much
rather have had the money you spent
making it, but maybe we can use it for
first base on the playground.’’
It’s time we learned the value of a
well-placed, non-destructive lie.
The really important thing we must
learn about lying is how to respond if
we’re lied to and we know it. If it is a
harmless lie like “You wear green
and black together so well,” wc should
let it slide. If it’s a slightly more
serious lie like “No, I didn’t sleep
with your father,” we should be a
little more angry but still attempt to
be compassionate.
Anyway, these arc my thoughts on
lies for what they arc worth. My guess
is that nobody will appreciate them
and I 'll be told what a scoundrel I am;
but I guess that’s why I’m paid so
much and command complete respect
in my field.
Yep. One more lie for the road.
Hanna is a senior theater major and Daily
Nebraskan columnist and reporter.
I
Andy Manhart/Daily Nebraskan
The Cows fuse music, noise
into drooling, deranged show
By Michael Deeds
Senior Editor
There was nothing tranquil about
a stage of grazing Cows at Duffy’s
Tavern, 14120 St., Sunday night.
The Minneapolis-based quartet
brought in by Project Import had
little in common with the milking
mammals, other than the fact that
the members attracted flies and
drooled occasionally.
The Cows, a 3-year-old Am
phetamine Repulc record company
band, took noise and music and
fused it into a blistering sonic
warhead. But other than an assault
ing deb vcr> of the deranged groove,
“Chow,” these Cows had trouble
keeping their delivery fresh and
piercing. A convoluted mix that
gave the benefit of the doubt to a
regurgitating bass guitar and steady
snare drum made the show a little
rough on those recovering from
Saturday night sickness.
But that’s not to say the Cows
weren’t worth the money. Shan
non Selberg’s yowling vocals and
odd persona were entertaining to
most normal folks.
Sclberg, a skinhead (not in the
racist sense), drew magic marker
pictures on his body and sported an
ink moustache. He bounced around
the stage, periodically spitting and
jamming on the most beat up brass
instrument imaginable.
Bassist Kevin Rutman carried
virtually all the tunes with his mid
range blast, and guitarist Thor
Eisentrager seemed to be talented
- it was tough to tell by listening.
The Cows exercised in noise
pollution, sometimes plodding,
sometimes sprinting, as their in
struments pushed molecular energy
in the room to a breaking point.
Opening act Sawhorse gave a
good performance, especially on
their laughable, crawling cover of
“Sweet Home Alabama,” which
if anything, resembled a Sub Pop
• guys -- Lin
Thc Cows certain ly didn ’t harm
this town, cither. They are good on
vinyl as well as live. However,
Sunday night, vinyl may have come
out a more “clear” winner.
r.
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6 Computers
Epson System
We re switching to * Mac system, and have a great
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10 Misc. For Sale
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18 Stereos/TVs
Nahirmchi car stereo with 4 Alpine spea>ers, $600 Call
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1981 tufiassjamiiyowned Blue, excellent condition,
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Loving, affectionate couple would like lo experience the
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