Hanna
Continued from Page 9
with that.”
“Oh,” he said. “Oh well . . .
sure, you can fill in. We’ve got to
have someone. Are you sure you’re
smart?”
“The smartest,” I said smugly.
Quickly, I was whisked onto the
set. I got into my contestant cu
bicle and wrote my name on the
screen just as the show was start
ing.
My worthless opponents and I
were introduced by tne announcer.
Then Alex came out to the wild
applause of the studio audience.
“Hello and welcome to ‘Jeop
ardy,’” he said. “We have three
very gifted opponents ready to duke
it out on our show today, so let’s
get right to it. Oh, by the way, did
I mention that I’m Canadian?”
My palms began to sweat as the
familiar “whoosh!” sound indi
cated that the gameboard was being
scl up for the first round of “Jeop
ardy.”
‘ ‘Only one Daily Double in this
first round of ‘Jeopardy,’” Alex
said. “It will be in one of these
categories. We have ‘Really Hard
Quantum Physics,’ ‘Obscure Middle
Eastern Literary References,’
‘Nearly Impossible Philosophical
Syllogisms,’ ‘Unknowable North
Austrian Fungi,’ ‘Absurdly Diffi
cult Ornithology’ and finally ‘Starts
With E.’”
My opponent to the left. Marge
Cup (a nuclear physicist from Grand
Rapids, Mich.) chuckled quietly.
“Marge, you’re laughing,” Alex
noted humorously. “What’s so
funny?”
“It’s just that these categories
arc all so easy,” she said and began
to laugh harder.
“Tell me about it,” said Marc
Lava (a computer engineer from
Waco, Texas). “This round will be
a breeze.”
“Ha, ha, ha,” Alex laughed.
“I'm sure Jim on the end feels the
same way. Don’t you, Jim?” *
. . I was still in shock from the
initial read.ng of these impossible
categories and couldonly mumble.
I was in trouble.
The first round passed with me
in an intellectual daze. 1 was being
stomped. I think I may have rang in
twice, missing both times. I couldn’t
keep up with these geniuses.
The score at the end of the first
round: Marc had $2,700, Marge
had $3,650 (she got the Daily
Double), and I had -$800.
During the commercial break,
while they got the board set up for
Double Jeopardy, Alex, Marc and
Marge stood around laughing and
ignoring me. Occasionally, Marge
would look over at mp anrl cmint
with disgust
Just before the break was over,
Alex came up to me and hissed.
“Hoo-boy, you’re a smart one
all right.” ,
I could only stare blankly at
him. I had told him I was smart, but
here I was playing like a iota! moron.
I vowed that I would snap out of it
in the next round and kick Marc
and Marge’s stuffy butts.
“Here are the categories for
Double Jeopardy,” Alex said.
“Let’s hope Jim can answer at
least one.’’
The studio audience laughed.
“Our first category is ‘Nebraska
Trivia.’”
My ears perked up.
“Next we have ‘Landmarks in
Lincoln, Neb.,’ followed by ‘Capi
tal Cities in Nebraska,’ then ‘Famous
Nebraskans,’ ‘Classes Offered at
the University of Ncbraska-Lin
coln’ and ‘Student Newspapers
Located in the Basement of the
Nebraska Union.’”
My hopes began to swell. I knew
about these things. Maybe I could
catch up.
‘‘As you know,” Alex said. “We
pick our categories for each show
with no knowledge of who our
contestants will be. So Jim, being
from Nebraska, may have a slight
advantage this hound. It is, of course,
entirely accidental.”
I smiled meekly. Marc and Marge
shot me a couple of wicked glances
‘‘Jim, since you’re quite obvi
ously in last place, you get to start
this round,” Alex said.
“Okay, Alex, I’ll take ‘Land
marks in Lincoln, Neb.’ for $1,000.”
“4 4-—
My name is Jim
__a V_
UHU £ um
perhaps the smart
est human on
earth.
Hanna
columnist
--f f
"ForSI ,000?" Alex asked “I'm
sure that’s too hard tor you. Why
don’t you try something easier?’ *
“I’ll take ‘Landmarks in Lin
coln, Neb.’ for $1,000 please,
Alex!” I said sternly.
“Okay,” he sighed. “It’s your
funeral. The answer is ‘This tall
building on the Lincoln skyline
looks a little bit like a ...”
I rang in before he could even
finish.
“What is the Nebraska State
Capitol?” I askeu.
. . penis. Yes, Jim.” Alex
said stunned. “You’re right, be
lieve it or not.”
Marge gasped in disbelief. The
audience began to murmur excit
edly. They knew something spec
tacular was about to happen.
I continued through “Lincoln
Landmarks” withoutasinglemiss.
In fact I cleaned up the board. I an
swered every single question as
well as each Daily Double and by
the end of the round I had about
$37,000 to Marc’s unchanged
$2,700 and Marge’s paltry $3,650.
“Wow, that was quite a round
for Jim. He pretty much has a lock
on the game. But of course to make
it official, we have to go through
the motions of Final Jeopardy.
Today’s category . . . (ding!)
i tiiiiuus ncau ruutuau v-uauiciai
the University of Ncbraska-Lin
coln Who Are Still Coaching
There.’”
I could hardly contain my glee.
We were told to make our wagers.
I chose to bet it all, knowing full
well I would get the right answer/
question, and my money would be
doubled to $74,000.
Marc and Marge looked on,
baffled. 1 knew they wouldn’t guess
Tom Osborne and I would be the
richest “Jeopardy” champion ever.
After the commercial break, Alex
revealed the Final Jeopardy An
swer: “He is Nebraska’s current
head football coach.”
I gleefully scrawled TOM
OSBORNE in big letters and put
my pen down loudly so everybody
would know I was done before
Marc and Marge.
The dweebish music ran down
and Alex went to Marc for his
response. He guessed Bob Kerrey
and was knocked down to $ 1. Marge
guessed Johnny Carson and was
knocked down to zero.
Then Alex came to me. I proudly
pulled down my screen cover re
vealing my answer in all of its
majestic brilliance. I began to jump
around merrily, screaming of my
newfound wealth.
“Jim . .. Jim, calm down .. .
there’s something we have to tell
you ...” Alex said, trying to rain
on my parade.
“What is it you Canadian idiot?
I’m the winner. I’m the smartest
man on earth. Why are you bother
ing me?”
“Jim,” he said. “You forgot to
phrase your response in the form of
a question. You don’t win. Our
winner today with $ 1 is Marc Lava
with a two-day total of $8,501.
Pr^noratiilatinnc Marr inin
us next time on ‘Jeopardy.’”
Marc pointed at me and laughed.
Marge spit in my hair and went to
celebrate with Marc. It slowly began
to sink in that I iiad only written
‘‘Tom Osborne” and not ‘‘Who is
Tom Osborne?”
I had lost.
I solemnly walked out of the
studio to the audience’s jeers. I was
broke and had to hitch my way
back to Nebraska. Somewhere in
Utah, as I rode in the back of a
Consolidated Freightways semi, the
moral of this story began to sink in.
I’m not the smartest man on
earth. I’m not even the smartest
man in Lincoln. I’m just a stupid
little bullhead from Nebraska.
I may not have won a lot of
money, but with my newfound
insight into my own mental fail
ings, I was indeed a richer man.
Hanna is a senior theater major and a
Daily Nebraskan Arts & Entertainment
columnist.
64 Printing
70 Religious
_172 Rentals
2 Appliances 74 Social Services
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14 Photo Equipment 120 Greek Affairs
16 Sporting Goods 130 Student Government
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20 Vehicles 145 lost A Found
i48 wanted
Adoption
25 Automotive 150 Child Care Needed
28 Beauty Aids 160 Help Wanted
30 Ondat 162 Work Study Jobs
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38 Insurance ~ ~ ''
40 Instruction 170 Roommates
42 Job Placement 175 Rooms For Rent
44 Le^ 180 Houses For Rent
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6? 194 Homes For Sale
62 Pregnancy 19e Vacation Rentals
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Cliff* for Pocket Lighters! 140 N. 12th.
Cliff* for Pinning Cigar*!, 140 N. 12th |
18 Stereos/TVs_ ~
Vector Research receiver and an equalizer, $150 obo
call 438-1346.
20 Vehicles For Sale
1905 Dodge Aries PS, PB. New tires, Excellent school
car, Reasonable priced 464 2966, 464 6515 _
1905 Uuda RX7. Fully loaded Runs and looks gieal
Must see Will take best odor. 477-0950
1901 Dodge Aries Reliable, no rust, great student car
S700 Calf 483-6052 alter 5:00 or leave message
22 Adoption
■ ADOPTION
California couple with adopted son and lots ol love to give
desire to adopt newborn. Happily married, financially
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PREGNANT AND WONDERING
WHAT TO DO?
Explore the protection and benefits of adoption which are
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474-4136
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110 Announcements —
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
Meebnfl-Nebraska Unon 7 p.m. Room posted Elec
ATTENTION COLLEGE
REPUBLICANS
follow. Everyone invited
attention
Iherel _____
builder s award
sponsored by___
STUDENT FOUNDATION
. IIN.L I acuity mambar iy al-9-bld to ba nominated
i,d "
1990 Award Nomination forms available at
s CAP Office City Union
Submission Deadline^ Maroh 2._
Celebration of Funl
WALPURGISNACHT
This Friday' Feb. 2. City Union 7:00 p m to 2:00 a m.
*
UPOPreaente: PANEL OF PROFESSORS. 7:00PM
TOMORROW in the Regency Suite. Refreehmente
served.
CORNCOBS
Meeting today, 4.30 Room to be posted in the Union.
Please attend.
DECA - first meeting at the semeeter. 5:30 Wednesday
Nebraska Union, room posted. New Members WEL
COME! __ _
GOVERNMENT LIAISON
COMMITTEE
VERY IMPORTAN T MEETING
Tonight 6:15 NE Union
New members welcome 11
fc
HENTOFF-vs-RUSHER
THE FIRST AMENDMENT
What Rights Do You Have?
A Debate 'eaturing a topic ot controversy and national
importance to us all- the 1st Amendment
•Presented by UPC Talks A Topics*
Tuesday. January 30 8:00PM
Nebraska Union
S1 Students (w/l D ) $2 Non Students
Free Childcare Provided
Innoeenle Society Appkcalons are due Friday. Torn
yours in to either CAP othcel ___
Intramural Deadline
Tuesday. January 30 « the entry deadline lor the men s
and women s water polo tournament 472 346a__
Pi Lambda Theta
All members and prospective mamber*
Feb 4 at 6:30 a! Or Sydney Hahn t house B40 Lyncroel
Drive Please attend ___
Simhi"£oriW* hfpassl Bui only if we study agai
tomghtVnhe C<8*e. HtETse. 1324 P, ,ust north ot the new
downtown parking garage VV|(h „
SAVE SSS SKIING COLORADO
Where do Coloradans ski, lodge, dme. •*> P**’
JSStoJoui neat NORTHERN OCXORADOPjHnp Send
54 95 to Color ado Newsletter. PO Be* 440BB*’. aurora.
CO 80044. Two week delivery_
SELF DISCOVERY and SELF ESTEEM. An Educa
tional Therapy Group. aartirsgFjb.’^1990 Fw nwe
information and registration, come to Room 111 Burnett
Hall. UNL. ___
Snowflake s Ice Cream Parlor
611 N. 27th
Now Open i Gourmet snow oones-JO ««vorMn^s.
shakes^Two tot one snow cones through Feb. 281h.
Student Foundation
Scholarship Committee
7 pm Today at Pi Phi __
STUDENT REGENT VOTE
Don't you think we deserve one?
What can you do?
Be at the GLC meeting tonight
6.15 NE Union
Students tor Choice
Meeting Feb. 1,730 p.m. Union Room Posted
SlJ&B^en hearing about you. Can't wait to meet youl
The Huskers are red but you're feeling blue;everyoni
has a 4.0 How about you? Need to team now <° motivate
yourself to study better - attend: GET MOTIVATED
January 31, 6-7 pm, Union. Sponsored by Free Univer
sity._____
UNL Young Democrats
Meeting. Wednesday. Jan. 31
7:00 Union
Ah Students Welcome _
UPC AMER. FILMS
MEETING TODAY AT 4:30 P.M. IN CITY UNION
UPO cordially invites the members ot Ps> Chi to attenc
the "Panel ot Professors" on Wed. January 31 7:00 pm
the Regency Suite. _>_
WALPURGISNACHT
Volunteers needed lor Feb. 2, 1990 Come to the organ
izational meetings on Tuesday Jan 30 or Wednesday
Jan 31 from 7 8 p.m. at the City Union. Room to be
posted
WANTED:
STUDENTS WITH
'EXPANDABLE HORIZONS
-CROSS-CULTURAL OUTLOOKS
-A LIKING FOR PEOPLE
•A DESIRE TO HELP OTHERS
-ONE HOUR A WEEK TO SPARE
The English Conversation Program matches American
and foreign students possessing a common mterasl m
gaining a greater understanding of each other’s cu»ure
and language Once matched, ECP partners independ
ently arrange lor weekly meetings ol an hour or more to
participate m activities or conversation
Interested’ Contact Pat Johnson, International Educa
lional Services 1237 R Street. Room 102. or call 472
3264._
Win a Hawaiian Vacation or Big Screen T.V. plus
Raise up to <1400 m Juet lOOeystfl
Objective: Fund Raiser
Commitment: Minima/
Money Raise (1400
Cost: Zero Investment _ .
Campus Organizations. Clubs. Fruit Sororities Can
OCMC 1800932 0528.1 800 950 8472. Ext 10. '_
WRC Forming Support < Diecueeion Groups
Sp.mg 1*60
Women Against Racem
Women's/Men's Rap
Incest Survivors
Rape Sorvvors
Rape Action
Women’s Political Action Group
Lesbian Action Group
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Non-Tradiional Women Students
Single Mothers
Interested In Psnicipetmg or Fecilltating?
Sign up. Room 117, Student Union or Call 472 259 .
Deadline Feb 9
ALL GROUPS CONTI GENT UPON INTEREST.
t
120 Greek Affairs
ALPHA WEEK 90!
AOII Pledges .. get excited
for mitiationl__
Congrats lo the new Tri-Oelt initiates: J. Ahl, J. Allamby.
J. Allan, P. Anderson. K. Blach, S, Chari, C. Denesia, P.
Engdanl, A. Etheredge. C. Gauchat. L Honey man, S.
Jenkins, K. Jost, B Kean, K. Nilsson, M. Olson, M.
Peterson, S. Semmler. C. Simonsen. C. Sorensen, J.
Volkmer. J Wilcox. K Wnuk. J Woods. P Youngstrom
Congrats to Lance and Jett on your NSE positions
Your TKE Brothers
Congrats to the new TKE initiates: Denny W . Trevor F.,
Ken P . Todd W . Matt L., Kim P„ Mike W , Darcev R„
PeteO.,Mark N„ ScottL.. JimM.. Matt G.,Chris B,Chad
W. Chris H .Jeff L. A Joe R
Your brothers ol Tau Kappa Epsilon
Congratulations to the outstanding new initiates ot
Lambda Chi Alpha: Mike H.. Justin vT. Pat 8 , Shawn S„
Rob D., Dean S., Randy P.. Jim L., Dan H., Lance C.,
Darrin S.. Jim B.. Jefi E.. Brad J., Paul K., Ryan G., Carl
Y., Ken K.
In ZAX, the Actives
Congratulations Alpha Phi new initiates: You guys are
orMH.
Love your A-Phi Sisters.
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GREEK WEEK
Committee chair applications are available in the Greek
Affairs office, 332 Nebraska Union on January 31. Due:
Friday. February 9, 4:00 p.m. at Greek Affairs Pick one
up and applyl _
LisaC. (Starburst):
Congratulations on placing in the Hearsl competition.
in What a Start , ,, ...
Love, the A-Phis
Deanne N. (AOII):
Congratulations on being exoepted to Law School I
We re so proudl
Love, The AOII's
Go
To Hell and Back
* Soon
7h«ka"»
Thanhs tor the dinner exchange! We had a great time!
The Men ot Delta Dp* < ion
We have the ideal College /ob tor Fraternity and Sorority
menders Set own hours with extremely high monetary
return Job includes marketing imprinted Sportswear
within the Greek market and community. Send reeume
and/or call 800-633-0278. T-Qraphtcs. Inc. 818 E. 8th St.
Lawrence. KS 66044 ___ _
We would like to congratulate the new active members of
FarmHouse Fraternity: Tom B.. Tim B . Brice C., Hohb
D JayE .DevmF. Nathan F. Troy G .Jay H.. Shane J.
Jason K . Choan l .. Corey M . Scott M . John N.. Doug P..
Dan P . Tom R . Darrel 5 , Dale 8.. Marty S.. Mike S..
Scott W . Greg W . and Kevin V Thank you for all the
hard work and dedication during Thee Week
The men of FarmHouee
130 Student Government
ASUN Senate Vacancies
Represent your college constituents.
The following colleges have vacancies
Ag Oiv of General Studies
Home Ec. • Nursing • Graduate
Campus wide vacancies on the following committee
Teaching Council *
Deadline is Wednesday, Jan 31 at 400 p m
Senate position also open tot Arts A Scioncoe
Deadline Friday, Feb. 2 el 4:00pm
Applications available at 115 Nebraska Union.
POLLING SITES
ASUN ELECTIONS
1N0 STUDENT GOVERNMENT
The E lector al Commission will meet Tue* Jan. 30. Wed..
Jan. 31 and Wed . Feb 1 at 5 00pm to 6O0pm at 115
Nebr Union lor input on polling site locations
UNIVERSITY HEALTH CENTER
ADVISORY BOARD
The purpose ol the Board shall be to represent the
studont body m dsakng with th# health concerns ol the
university oommunity The body shall assist the plan
ning, evaluation and implementation of policies and
programs of the University Health Center.
Deadline Friday. Feb 9. 1990 at 4:00pm
Applications available in 115 Nebr. Union
140 Personals
Uncertain - H you were the brunette who sipped m the
isle, I stood at the tape file and gave you a smile. ^ ^