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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 11, 1990)
T FHlfnri^l Nebraskan * Ij %i I A A# A. A CA J. Thursday, January 11,1990 I Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board University of Nebraska-Lincoln Amy Edwards, Editor, 472-1766 Bob Nelson, Editorial Page Editor Ryan Sterves, Managing Editor Knc Pfannor, Associate Sews Editor Lisa Donovan, Associate News Editor Brandon Loomis, W ire Editor Jana Pedersen. Sight Sews Editor Education needed Orr fails to see real drug problems In her annual State of the State address Monday, Gov. Kay Orr announced, among other things, some new “get tough” policies on drugs. Unfortunately, most of her proposals will be difficult to enforce, and won't address the realities of the drug prob lems in Nebraska. Particularly impractical is her proposal to suspend sec ond-time drug offenders from state-supported colleges. Orr's proposal is similar to a federal law installed last spring, under which college students are required to pledge that they will not use, possess, distribute or engage in the unlawful manufacturing of illegal drugs before ; receiving federal financial aid through a Pell Grant. Under the federal law, students caught doing any of those things lose their financial aid. Under Orr’s proposal, students must acknowledge that j they will face penalties if they are caught using drugs. After the first offense, under Orr’s proposal, students would be required to take a drug rehabilitation course. After a second offense, students would be suspended from school and required to take a second rehabilitation course j before readmission. In policy, that sounds nice and politically correct. It not J only punishes drug abusers, it gives them the rehabilita tion to keep from using again. In practice, it stinks. The chances of catching students using drugs is slim at best on campus. When you add ofT-campus students to that coverage, the proposal falls apart, and can’t be ap plied equitably. Who’s going to police it? If all drug convictions are reported to the financial aid I and admissions office, then those convicted can be cut off and suspended. But students will continue to use drugs if and when they want, with the same chances of getting caught as they have now. The only difference will be a stiffer penalty. And as most deterrent policies have shown, stiffer pen alties after the fact don’t stop many people from breaking the law. it urr really wants to crack down on drugs in Nebraska, * she should sink money into education programs, not take away people ’ s education because they use drugs. After all, education, at any level, is an integral part of solving the drug problem. Orr doesn’t seem to recognize | what the real problems are. As long as people use dings, money can be made from their sale. And as long as money can be made, people will sell drugs, no matter what the penalties. Educating people about drug abuse before they use or sell drugs would do more than taking away their educa 3 bon after they arc caught. -Amy Edwards for ike Dotty Nebraska* 5=^470 ® (990 |-tl I |“ | — itrdbLl Yi '—- A eo_ m* SMHHHk BtST SfcLLiMC AUTHOR Of THE 90» ? , TjktJSPHtiD SruDBKirs j j ^*OFF&)Z£'? ,, i Nr! Vfi/fa A frVttfW* I"oT> M MoMK -twp jitsni&" Calendar fills learning void Auspicious word usage, however, wont affect Christmas break ■ .i or LJinstmas, 1 got one oi tnose ■1 Webster’s dictionary calendars that looks like a notepad . Each morning since the dawn of the 1990s, 1 have jumped from bed and dashed to my new calendar to unveil and memorize a shiny new vocabulary word. Most people would use such a gift for kindling or drawer stuffing. Not me. I find my new vocabulary calen dar to be most auspicious. On Jan. 1, the word of the day was “auspicious,” which was most aus picious because I have always wanted and needed to know exactly what “auspicious” meant so I could use the word in a column about Manuel Noriega. Since ‘ auspicious,” however, the vocabulary words have become stead ily more inauspicious. In fact, they’ve become ridiculously obscure. On Jan. 6, my shiny new word was killcrop, ’ which, for vou more illit eraic folk, means “a child whose voracious appetite arouses suspicion that he or she is actually the offspring of fairies.” I swear this is true. If you can’t remember the word “kilicrop” or the fact that fairies — contrary to public schooling - are heavy eaters, the nice calendar people give you a sentence using your new word. For kilicrop, the sentence reads, After their first month of buying baby food, the Tylers were convinced that they were harboring a kilicrop.” Obviously, a child whose parents used words like “kilicrop” would eat like a fairy, but that’s not the point. My point is that I fear what the nice calendar people might leach me by. on, ici s say, June 16. On June 16, the shiny new word is ‘■phmegmastalagmite,’’ which is a purely theoretical word for a purely theoretical whale-sized tumor that has never appeared on large mammals. The sentence reads, “After their first month of buying baby food, the Ty lers were convinced that they were harboring a phmegmastalagmite.” A necessary tangent. How many of you think you could have avoided capture by U.S. invasion forces as did our friend Manuel Noriega? Place yourself in his shoes. You’re a drug pusher, you’re a dictator and you’ve killed Americans. Now,all of a sudden, after killing another Ameri can, you begin to sec dozens of U.S. troop transport aircraft flying into military bases within your country. Also, you see those same military oases teaming witn activity ana you hear U.S. generals say that they’re conducting “routine maneuvers.” “Routine,” as you already know, means “Invasion” in U.S. military jargon. You, Manuel Noriega, begin to sec these telltale invasion symptoms 48 hours before a surprise attack on your headquarters in Panama City by huge painted men who would like nothing more than to get gong-si/ed medals for barbecuing your most sensitive organs. The question is: How far from Panama City could you be in 48 hours'.’ I’m guessing you’d get to some where near the Sea of Tranquility. At worst, you'd probably get to the Sonic Drivcji^^alls City, Nebraska. Bob Nelson Which is where, two days after the U.S. invasion of Panama, I was served two chicken sandwiches and an order of onion rings by a carhop who claimed his name was Manuel Smith. “Hey, aren’t you Manuel Nori ega, the recently ousted Panamanian strong-man?” 1 asked. “No, seflor (cleverly pronounced like senior), I am Manuel Smith, the recently elected Sonic carhop,” he said. “Would you like some deli cious coke (sniffle)... I mean, Pepsi ... with your straw?” For me, the last straw came when this “Manuel Smith” said, ‘‘1 no ticed all this food is for you. Does your mother know she is harboring a killcrop?” 6 Sure, it sounds like one of those ridiculous El vis or D.B. Cooper sight ings, but as you know, Sonic Drive ins arc notorious for hiring deposed Panamanian generals who have no grccncards or prior food-service ex perience. Also, my calendar says that “kiUcrop" is 2 favorite term of people who launder money for the drug car tels. Everything makes perfect sense. And here’s a real tangent: How many people came up to you on New Year’s Eve and said, ‘‘See you next decade?” Did you think that was pretty clever? Well, listen to this. In a few weeks less than 10 years, you can throw this Kncc-siappcr ai your menus, “See you next millennium!” “Sec you next millennium" is the rarest and funniest joke in all of hurnanj history. The joke also is proof lhad God has no sense of humor, I know! this because Jesus, by the incredible] liming of his birth and death exac tly between B.C. and A.D., could never tell the “See you next millennium' joke. Jesus, however, did have a sense of humor. That’s why we have Easter No blasphemy intended, I'll re phrase all that. Thai’s one little side reason wc have Easter. Also, God. in his om nipotence, could be divinely funny at any time if He so desired. Which of course brings me to my point. Christmas break, like every inner long-term aoscnce irom suhxh, can erase any progress a sludeni has made in his or her field of study . I am a journalist As a journalist, I am supposed to be an expert at them ing. To keep a reader’s interest, a news story or column should have one idea that the writer constantly expands upon. In December, I was a competent enough writer to do just that. Christmas break has ruined me. 1 believe this column proves my point So, I propose that we abolish Christ mas breaks so that students no longer spend woeks and weeks softening their brains with game shows, eggnog, sleep and bad jokes. Students could have Christmas and New Year’s Day off. Thai’s it. Even better, they could have just the mornings of those days off. They’d be brilliant. Everyone would be brilliant Sure, vou sav. Boh has iust fin ished his very Iasi Christmas break and never would be affected by such a rule. You say, “Bob has spent about 80 percent of his life enjoying Christ mas breaks. Now the jerk is bitter. Execute him.” But you must understand that I care about those budding intellects who will take my place at this institu tion. I want them to have the things 1 never could have. Yes, I believe my plan would be most auspicious for everyone, includ ing killcrops. Now, whether it will affect Roma nians is a different story ... Nelson b a senior oews-edi.oriai major *nd the Daily Nebraskan editorial page edi tor and columnist.