1990 ELICITS THE
UNAVOIDABLE
. . TUp titrplv 9
By Henry BattLstoni
Staff Reporter
The end of the decade.
It sounds ominous somehow.
Why?
We deny ourselves the base-10
system when building a house but
not when we rack up the years.
How arbitrary. Why don’t we raise
heck on a hexadecimal year plan?
What is all the teary-eyed reminisc
ing and hopeful excitement about?
Do we go nuts on a subliminal
level knowing the census is com
ing?
It seems unlikely given our
decade’s fascination that 1 could
convince anyone that 1989 is just
another year ending. Which is just
another 365 day period ending.
Which is . . . etc.
December 31 as the party date is
probably as good as any of our
other pagan holidays.
Faced with this inevitability, let
us look at the unavoidable, the
likely and the less likely.
The unavoidable:
• Casey Kasem is bound to do a
top 100 hits of the ’80s show. Many
ofthe dogs we’ll hear should have
been shelved with the “Solid Gold
dancers who gyrated to them.
• Siskel and Ebert will do an ’80s
retrospective. Several French films
will be given accolades. Both crit
ics will tut-tut the tastes of Ameri
can viewers. The big movies at the
box office will be considered thin
^ • All major networks will do
retrospectives of news and televi
sion of the past decade.
• The Daily Nebraskan will do a
retrospective. (Whoops. Too late.)
• Kooky astrologers come out
of their energy transference pyra
mids and appear on every
talkshow giving each bozo more
than the guaranteed 15 minutes in
the limelight.
• In ten more years the cycle
will be compounded by century
retrospectives and more intensi
The likely:
• MansonandSirhanSirhan will
be denied parole this decade.
Manson will appear on “Geraldo”
again, gainingagreatershare ofthe
TV market than j.F.K.’s funeral.
• The Cornhuskers will win the
Fiesta Bowl in ’90, ’91, ’92 . . .
• Elvis sightings will diminish.
Instead, John Holmes sightings
will occur. Commemorative
Holmes decanters and plates will
be sold, which guarantees a higher
resale value than last year’s Mer
•Jim Bakker will be paroled for
good behavior. Bakker will write a
“Re-reborn Behind Bars" book.
• Old sports figures will sup
plant defunct bands as the come
back entertainment miracles of the
decade. The trend will be popular
ized by the Ali-Frazier IV Match of
the Century.
The least likely:
• Someone I know will win the
lottery.
• The Board of Regents will be
disbanded, removing several high- -
paying bureaucratic positions.
• Parking problems at UNL will
be alleviated.
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