Sports fans will get exciting treats in ’90s
At the end of every era, someone
wants to make predictions about the
next.
USA Today, for example, is run
ning the nifty ideas of major sports
figures about w hat will happen in the
Rather than approach it realisti
cally, being honest, and admitting
sports probably only will be more
plagued with troubles while trying to
appear honest and safe, let’s ap
proach it by looking through a rose
colored - if not blood red -- crystal
ball.
Drugs will be legalized to make
sports more fun and allow Dexter
Manley to become head ol the Na
tional Football League’s player’s
union. If an offensive lineman could
drive-block a Volkswagen 75 yards
through the end zone and into the
stands, it would make Monday Night
Football a joy to behold.
If we want things corrupt, how
‘bout legalizing bounties - maybe
even publicizing them? If Buddy
Ryan, the coach of the Philadelphia
Eagles, wants a kicker from the Dal
las Cowboys dead -- how much is it
worth? Can we make bets on it, too?
If we did, would Pete Rose be put in
charge ... ?
To take things a step further, will
the average fan collect a bounty if,
say a fan from the infamous ‘dog
pound’ in Cleveland dropped a car
battery on a fullback’s head? That
would have to be clarified.
The instant replay rule will be
incorporated into all sports - includ
ing table tennis. Don’t ask why.
Baseball will be improved dra
matically with the addition of the
aluminum hat because of its ability to
liven up games with as many home
runs as basketball has shim dunks.
Besides that, aluminum makes a
louder, more resounding noise when
thumped on the opposition’s pitcher
in a bench-clearing brawl.
All obnoxious, vomiting fans at
Nebraska games will be given an all
expense-paid trip to merry old Eng
land to die at a soccer game.
The football season would be
come like baseball with games nearly
every day. This would eliminate all
the time boosters have for paying
players in college, force teams to play
real games instead of cream pulfsand
eliminate the talk of play-oils versus
bowl games because no team will go
undefeated.
Also, Nebraska finally will win
the national title it deserves because
of depth - with 500-somc players, or
however many it has - the Com
huskers certainly will handle a 162
game schedule.
Fans will revolt causing the lol
lowing changes in major athletics:
Merit pay. Players like Jon Kon
cak of the National Basketball Asso
ciation’s Atlanta Hawks will have to
score to get paid -- as opposed to
what’s going on right now. Koncak is
being paid 2.5 million per year tor 4.9
points a game. That’s ridiculous.
That’s less than five points more than
what I average for the Hawks and I
don’t play.
Teams also will not be allowed to
dedicate their season to dead players
as most sports in the ’90s will begin to
sec death on a regular basis. Sadly,
this will cause Colorado to sink to the
bottom of the Big Eight in football.
The lights at Wriglcy Field will be
tom down by mobs of ecstatic, drunk
Cubbic fans after Chicago wins the
World Series ... someday.
Other changes: Roller derby and
bowling will have to share TV time,
thereby creating a new, violent full
contact sport with helmets, 15 pound
halls and skates.
Quicksand traps will make profes
sional golf worth die money at stake,
cross country running could do with
the addition of land mines and rhyth
mic gymnastics will be eliminated all
together. . .. ..
Athletes in the Olympic biathlon
will chase each other on crosscountry
skis with rifles - creating a brand
new spectator sport on snow.
Boxing will make a “Sugar Ray
No-Dancing” rule to keep things
more like Ihe all-out street brawl
everyone wants to see, and Mike
Tyson will be forced to fight more
than one person per outing to keep the
heavyweight title.
And hockey? Hockey’s fine. The
only way you could think to improve
hockey is, well... you could do away
with the puck ...
(■olden is a freshman news-editorial major
and is a Daily Nebraskan sports reporter and
columnist.
1
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"...one of the most exciting
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BOLD from Page 7
Hayes and Scales are all talented
players.
As van Poelgeest said, Nebraska’s
main problem is its attitude. The
Huskers are fighting among them
selves, and things aren’t getting any
better.
An example of Nebraska’s bicker
ing occurred immediately after
Farmer’s rampage, when van
Poelgeest contradicted the forward’s
statements by supporting the DN.
“You know those articles that
came out in the Daily Nebraskan ...
when was it, three days ago?’’ van
Poclgeest said. “There was a lot of
truth to them.”
That statement represents the hard
reality about this year’s team. Ne
braska is young, and it hasn’t even
begun to come together yet.
That lack of parity already is hurt
ing, and things arc going to get worse
if something isn’tdonc. At the risk of
sounding like I’m confusing Ne
braska with the Knicks (God forbid,
the only pro team the Huskcrs re
semble is the New Jersey Nets, who
just happen to be the National Bas
ketball Association’s worst) some
thing needs to be done.
Van Poclgeest said Nebraska is
going to meet with its team psycholo
gist before its game Thursday against
Creighton, and that’s a good start. A
psychologist can listen to all the bick
ering, and can analyze why it started.
What the doc likely will find is a
team that considers itself its own
worst enemy. Nebraska lacks leader
ship, gooa coacnmg anu, must ui an,
continuuy.
So what needs to be done to cor
rect this situation? It would be easy to
say start the “Nee Must Flee” cam
paign or encourage fans to quit at
tending games.
Unfortunately, Nee just was
awarded with a roll-over contract
which means Nebraska fans must
suffer with him for at least another
couple years, and encouraging fans to
stay away from the Bob Dcvancy
Sports Center only would push the
already-dismal crowds to pitifulncss.
What needvs to be done is Nebraska
needs to have its roles more clearly
defined. Van Poelgccst, King and
Scales need to be told that they are the
team leaders, and younger players
like Owens, Geter and Hayes have to
accept their support roles.
And most of all, Nebraska has to
quit trying to lash back -- even when
it comes to being criticized.
A pel Is a senior news-editorial major and is
the Daily Nebraskan sports editor and col
umnist.
DIMAS from Page 7
“I think it’d be neat. It’d be like,
‘One of us is going!’ Our goal is to
keep the Dimas name alive.”
Ted said he would continue to
I
encourage Trent. He said his brother
has the best shot at making the team.
“We would push each other the
same way, if one of us made it and the
other didn’t,” Ted said.
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