Arts & Entertainment
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Columnist s self-esteem soars after touchdown
It you weren t paying attention, you may
have missed it. Something very special hap
pened this past Saturday at Memorial Stadium.
Those watching the game at the stadium
may not have even been aware of this special
something. Those listening on radios at home
almost certainly are unaware that one of my
lifelong dreams was realized on the AstroTurf
that clear September day.
I, Jim Hanna, quarterbacked the Big Red to
victory.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. As with
any story, let me start at the beginning.
I was roaming around campus early Satur
day afternoon, contemplating my role in the
great scheme of things. I stopped in front of
Broyhill fountain and in a flood of tears, I
realized that I had no role in the great scheme
of things.
For whatever reasons, the fountain brought
it all into focus for me. I was nothing. I had no
value in the universe. I was a zero, pointless,
zilch, a complete and total nil in the master
quilt of the cosmos.
In my grief and emptiness, 1 staggered
toward Memorial Stadium. 1 could hear the
roar of the crowd as the Nebraska football team
wailed on another hapless opponent.
My feelings of self-doubt increased as I
realized that I never had, and I never would,
fulfill the lifelong dream of every Nebraska
boy: playing for the Comhuskers. ,
I looked toward the ever-so-huge stadium
and my sadness grew.
But wait! What was this? Who was that
sitting dejectedly on the steps outside the sta
dium? Certainly it couldn’t be ... ? No, he
should be inside coaching. The game was still
going on.
But sure enough, it was Coach Tom
Osborne. He was sitting all by himself, moping
outside the hallowed walls of Memorial Sta
dium.
Being the helpful guy that I am, 1 ran up to
the coach to see why he was bummin’.
‘‘What’s up Coachie? Shouldn’t you be
inside?”
“Oh, Jim, it’s you,” he said mournfully.
“Hi.”
And then he dropped his head sadly.
“Hey coach,” I said supportively, “what
ever has got you down can’t be that bad.
“ Jim, every week, when we face a mediocre
team like Utah, I always say that we shouldn’t
underestimate them, that they could surprise
us. Now of course I don’t really believe that but
I say it to cover my butt.”
I nodded understanding^ and encouraged
the coach to continue.
“I figured that we’d blow out Utah by about
sixty points,” he said. “But here it is, the
middle of the fourth quarter and we’re only
ahead by about 20 points. Aw Jim, I just can’t
stand it.”
I felt for the coach in this painful situation.
‘‘Gee, I’m sorry coach. I wish there was
something that I could do,” I said. ‘‘But I’m
good for nothing. I’m a zero, I can’t possibly
help you ...”
I was cut off by my own brilliant idea. I
knew what I could do. I could help the coach
and patch up my own battered ego in one
majestic move.
“Coach,” I said, my voice quaking excit
edly. “Let me play.”
The coach looked up at me as if I had just
spoken to him in Esperanto.
“What?” he asked. “You want me to let
you play for the Big Red?”
"Yeah, I’m a UNL student and I’m sure I
could make the Proposition 48 requirements.
It’s all legal. Come on, coach. I promise I won’t
let you down.”
me coacn looxea pensively up 10 me sny,
scratched his head and mumbled to some un
seen demon dancing in his head. The tension
was unbearable as 1 waited for him to speak.
Then, he spoke.
“OK, Jim, let’s get you suited up.”
I gave the coach a high five and we headed
off for the locker room.
“By the way, Jim,” the coach said. “What
position do you want to play?”
Without hesitation, I said “quarterback.”
Within minutes I was geared up fully and
ready to play. I was wearing Gerry Gdowski’s
number 14. Osborne didn’t want anybody to
know about this big switch.
It was already the fourth quarter and Ne
braska still wasn’t blowing out its outclassed
opponent. I knew my time had come.
He pulled Gdowski out and sent me in.
We had the ball. I stepped into the huddle
and briefly explained to the other players what
was going on. They looked at me doubtfully.
“Trust me guys, I know what I’m doing.”
“Well, then, what’s the play?” Somebody
in the huddle grunted.
The play? Oh my god, I hpdn’teven thought
about it. I had to run this sophisticated offense.
I hadn’t played organized football since I
was on a flag football team in sixth grade. But
really, how different could it be? I summoned
up my sixth grade football savvy and an
nounced the next play.
“Everybody go out for a pass.”
There was a brief moment of awkward si
lence.
“Who’s gonna block?” some smart aleck
asked.
“Block?” I asked. “Don’t they have to
count one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three
Mississippi before they come after me?”
Before I could get an answer, we were
penalized for delay of game.
Coach Osborne yelled at me from the side
lines.
“What’s taking so long Jim? Get it together
or I’m taking you out.”
I assured the coach that everything was
under control. We huddled up again.
“OK, scratch the pass idea. I’ve got a better
plan.”
I knelt on the AstroTurf, pulled a piece of
chalk from my shoe and began to diagram the
best play ever.
“You hike the ball to me,” I said, pointing
to a guy who I later learned was a running back.
“Then, the rest of you start to form a triangle
around me.”
I drew a triangle on the field.
“I’ll be right here in the middle of the
triangle, and you guys will all block. They’ll
never be able to touch me.’’
There was more awkward silence as they
absorbed the brilliance of my plan.
“You know,’’ one of the guys said, “it’s
just so crazy, it might work!’’
The guys all nodded in agreement, and we
broke huddle.
To make this verbose story more terse, my
play worked like a charm. We plowed right
through the bewildered Utah defense and I
scored my first and only touchdown for Ne
braska.
The coach pulled me out for the rest of the
game but I got to stand on the sidelines, just like
the real players. We drank Gatorade, cheered
for the team and told sexist jokes.
After the game, I got to shower with the
guys and my esteem soared. My dream was
coming true. Ken Clark even snapped me on
the butt with a wet towel.
But I knew my dream was to be short-lived.
The coach explained that even though he ap
preciated my help, I just wasn’t Big Red mate
rial.
It didn’t matter. I scored once for the Com
huskers and that’s more than some people even
dream abouL
I put my street clothes on, slapped Gdowski
on the rear and walked out of Memorial Sta
dium, well aware that I was now a part of Big
Red folklore forever.
Faculty perform at recital
By Julie Naughton
Staff Reporter
Students attending the Faculty
Recital Series Preview Sampler may
be pleasantly surprised at the level of
talent among University of Ne
braska-Lincoln’s faculty, said Mark
Vanderbeek, promotions and proj
ects coordinator for the School of
Music.
Students also will be surprised at
the variety of music performed at the
Sampler, which is at 8 p.m. today in
the Sheldon Memorial Art Gallery
Auditorium.
The sampler will be a “teaser as
well as a sneak preview” for the
regular Faculty Recital series which
begins Sept. 26, he said.
Music performed will range from
classical Brahms sonatas and Chopin
nocturnes to modem fare such as
Stephen Sondheim’s “No One is
Alone Into the Woods.”
The musical pieces were chosen
•or their ability to showcase the mu
sic and the performers. Pieces also
were chosen for their accessibility —
"things that everyone can relate to,”
Vanderbeek said.
Vanderbeek said the Sampler
atmosphere will be different than the
atmosphere of a "regular” recital.
Kerry Grant, director of the
School of Music, will act as host,
Vanderbeek said, and will make
comments before and after each fac
ulty member’s performance.
The Faculty Recital Series was
started three years ago to showcase
outstanding talent in die UNL School
of Music faculty. This year’s recitals
will run throughout the fall 1989 and
spring 1990 semesters, ending April
3, 1990 with the Faculty Chamber
Music recital.
Vanderbeek said the performers
are exclusively UNL School of Music
faculty, with the exception of fortepi
anist Alfred Bom. Bom, who will
perform both in the sampler and with
UNL music professor Thomas Fritz,
is a faculty member of Seward Con
cordia College, Vanderbeek said.
"There is a saying that ' those
who can’ t, teach,’ ” Vanderbeek said.
"This is definitely not true of the
UNL School of Music faculty.”
Recycling to aid local park
By Matt Barton
Staff Reporter
Attention R E M fans, save
your aluminum cans.
In support of R.E.M.’s Green
tour swinging through Lincoln
Oct 3, R.E.M., Ecology Now and
the University Program Council
will be sponsoring a recycling
drive. People turning in the most
aluminum cans will be eligible for
prizes donated by R.E.M.
The grand prize consists of four
front row tickets and four back
stage passes for the concert at the
Bob Dcvaney Sports Center. Sec
ond and third prizes will be a pair
of free tickets for the show.
Ecology Now, a university wide
environmental group, will be oper
ating the can drive on Sept. 30,
from 10a.m. to 3 p.m. The winners
will be announced shortly thereaf
ter at 4 p.m.
The proceeds raised by this
event will be donated to Pioneers
Park, in an effort to prevent Dutch
turns disease, in the name or
R.E.M., Ecology Now and UPC.
R.E.M. has been sponsoring
similar events throughout its
Green tour to promote ecological
issues. The band has been sending
researchers to the cities it plays to
find local environmental issues it
can help with.
‘We've been
wanting to con
tribute money to
Pioneers Park to
help with the
preservation of
trees.'
“It’s a good change of pace to
^ee someone interested, and not
just take money away from the
community. It's nice to see a band
that cares/* said John Fremstadt.
the UPC s M«yor Concerts Coordi
nator.
Ecology Now, which was
started in April 1989, has been
eager to fight Dutch Elms disease,
said a group member.
- “We’ve been wanting to con
tribute money to Pioneers Park to
help with the preservation and
planting of trees since our begin
ning in April. This is a great oppor
tunity for Ecology Now to do
that/’ said Dave Regan, public
information coordinator for Ecol
ogy Now.
Regan said he hopes this will
get more people involved in the re
cycling process.
“We hope through this alumi
num can drive to encourage more
recycling. Besides, we’re helping
R.E.M. and they’re helping us to
raise awareness about Ecology
Now/’ he said.
As of Tuesday $00 tickets had
been sold for the Oct 3 concert, ac
cording to Frcmstadl
