■ fio you DARE VENTURE INTO...
01
By Lane Van Ham
Staff Reporter
I’ve mostly analyzed older mov -
ies in this space, so I thought it was
time to look at something a little bit
more recent. There aren’t a lot of
really neat Video Vault type fea
tures coming out these days, for a
variety of reasons, but one guy has
done a brilliant job of consistently
making incredible (though not
well known) movies in this dec
ade.
Geoff Gones started making
movies in 1978 with “The Gore
Hookers” and continued on into
the ’80s with such titles as “Blonde
Nazi Goes Hawaiian” and the in
credible “Teeth” (advertised as:
“Ripping! Biting! Gripping! This
In cities across America, one pizza’s been chosen the best.
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onetoda>’- Makin’it great!*
C 1989 Pizza Hut. Inc * indicates registered trademark of Pizza
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Available on Pan,
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9 Please mention coupon when ordering
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■ offer. ® designates a registered trademark
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expires May 20, 1989 ^P9Lk.
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©1989 Piiw Hut. Inc. llgjf
edit redemption value •
Hut. Inc
2 Medium
Cheese Pan Pizzas
$9.99!
Tbppings available
at an additional charge.
Also available on Hand-Tbssed
and Thin 'n Crispy® pizza.
Please mention coupon when ordering
One coupon per party per visit. NOT valid
at all Pizza Hut® restaurants. NOT valid in
combination with any other Pizza Hut®
offer. Thin n Crispy is a -
registered trademark of
Pizza Hut, Inc. Offer
expires May 20. 1989. _
M989 Pizu Hut. Inc. JUn if
1/20 cent redemption value.
2 Large
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• $13.99!
Toppings available at
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Please mention coupon when ordering.
I One coupon per party per visit. NOT valid ■
at all Pizza Hut4 restaurants. NOT valid in H
combination with any other Pizza Hut® *"
I offer. Thin 'n Crispy is a
registered trademark of
Pizza Hut, Inc. Offer _
expires May 20. 1989.
■ ©1989 Pirn Hut. Inc. .11. . j
1/20 cent redemption value. Si IU& •
film is so exciting it cannot be
described without combusting this
poster!”).
The movie I want to talk about,
however, is his 1983 classic “The
Switchblade Van Band.” The basic
idea behind “Switchblade Van
Band” is as follows: 12 kids, just
out of high school, decide to buy a
van and drive around until all of
them are arrested and put in jail.
What’s interesting is that little or no
reason is given for this rash deci
sion-making.
The closest we come to an ex
planation is when the group leaves
a gas station and a woman there
exclaims, “Crazy kids . . . But why
go to college anyway?”
Gones came out of what might
be called “The Ray Dennis Sleekier
School of Moviemaking." Sleekier
made “The Incredibly Strange
Creatures Who Stopped Living and
Became Mixed Up Zombies, and
held the philosophy of improvis
ing set and script as the movie
shooting progressed.
“I never saw a complete script
for ‘Switchblade Van Band,”’ said
cast member Katherine Slam in
“Film Zone.”
Geon just had us make it up in
places where he couldn’t think of
anything to do, and sometimes it
worked and sometimes it didn’t.”
Slam played “Gorilla,” the
leader of the van group. As the
movie opens, Gorilla is getting
stoned with her friends while the
rest of their high school class is
graduating. She suggests they all
nop into ner dad’s van and drive
around until they all get thrown in
jail for one reason or another.
Everyone piles in, and our adven
ture begins.
Before long we’re introduced to
an amazing cast of characters
which Gones later claimed to be
representative of the twelve dis
ciples. There’s Monte, a calm but
moderately insane guy who hasn’t
washed his hair for five months
because he’s “mad at the world”
and insists on playing the same
tape (The Greatest Hits of 1963)
over and over again in the van.
Then there’s Carlos, who goes
pleasantly insane as the movie
progresses laughing for increas
ingly long periods of time without
bemg able to stop.
Gorilla is a sort of musical phi
losopher revolutionary, munching
on cucumbers throughout the
movie and muttering lines like “Off
the pigs,” and “I hate ballads, espe
cially when they’re by Joan Jett.”
It takes a while, but after a little
effort, the gang finds half of their
members arrested in Wyoming for
attempted bank robbery. What’s
interesting is that while it would
seem easy enough to get arrested if
you’re trying to do so, the van band
seems entirely inept.
Monte, for example, declares
that he’s going to get arrested for
assault and attempted robbery and
then proceeds to hurl frozen burri
tos at customers in a 7-11 store.
Nothing happens. At one point the
gang members who haven’t been
arrested become excited because
the state patrol pulls them over -
only to find it’s because their tail
lights aren’t working.
One of the most mysterious
developments in the movie is the
sudden appearance of a narrator
when the movie is three fourths
over. Presumably this was done to
bridge gaps where Gones’ script
and the actor’s improvisation
failed.
The narrator explains “Unable
to get arrested, the group made
their way to the lonely town of
Potato Hope, knowing that it was
their destiny to form a rock ‘n’ roll
combo that would shake the
world.”
All but two of the group get
arrested in Potato I fope for stealing
musical equipment, and low on
gas, the remaining two (Gorilla and
Barney) drive out of town. The
closing moments of the movie are
dedicated to a conversation be
tween the two.
Gorilla: “Well ... I think I’ll
certainly remember this.”
Barney: “Yeah, like I remember
a toothache... do you have a knife
I can borrow?”
Gorilla: “Sure.” (pulls out a
knife)
Barney: “Thanks, sister, you'll
back,” (stabs himself in the
).
Without a doubt, “The Switch
blade Van Band" is a poorly made
movie. At two points the camera
suddenly tilts in mid-scene, and
remains so for the rest of the cut, at
several points characters seem to
have forgotten lines, and there is
no discernible reason why the
characters behave as they do.
But it is a great example of
spontaneity captured on film, and
what I guess could be considered
the punk rock equivalent of mov
ies, which is to say, someone could
see it and say “I could do that!” and
go out and make a movie.
“The Switchblade Van Band”
and other Geoff Gones features
can be investigated by curious
parties by writing to CCBB Produc
tions, P.O. Box 143, Mesa, Arizona,
84011.
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