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I By Mark uige
Staff Reporter
The first time I ever really got
drunk was in ninth grade, and tne
alcohol was courtesy of my friend’s
parents. They had gone out for the
evening, and their well-stocked
liquor cabinet was simply too invit
ing to stay out of.
I don’t remember what we
drank, or how much, I can only
remember having a really great
time, up until the point when I
found myself in the front yard of
my friend’s latest crush, him lying
face down in his own puke, me
trying to console him. Kim, his new
love, wasn’t home, she was out
with some other guy.
“So, what was this you ate ear
lier today?’’ I asked, looking at his
vomit, unable to think of anything
else to say.
unj.
Well, it was a pretty nasty-look
ing pile, but 1 was surprised to
learn that my friend had oaten for
mer president Lyndon Johnson.
Not until sometime the next week
did I learn that he had really meant
“BIT.”
My friend soon sat up, wobbled
back and forth, and, with what I
had been led to believe were re
mains of a former president
smeared on his face, pronounced
in a determined slur “When Kim
gets home, I am going to kiss her.”
Then he fell back into the barf.
Eventually, to save Kirn from
this horrible threat, I had to drag
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my mother was slightly less that
thrilled with the sight of us.
But despite the easuing lecture,
and despite my poor friend’s diffi
culties, I had immensely enjoyed
my first alcohol buzz, and came to
the conclusion that I ought to be
drunk every day. My problem was
that I was only 14, and my friend’s
parents didn’t leave their house
every night.
My first regular source didn’t
arrive until the second half of my
10th grade year. 1 had a new group >
of friends, and one of them had an
older brother who was always
home, and always willing to con
tribute to our delinquency. So
every weekend night we headed
there, made our orders, got the
stuff, went somewhere else, drank
it and were drunk.
That summer I drifted out of that
group, and my junior year ushered
in a new best friend and a new
method for getting alcohol. It was
pretty simple, but I never would
nave done it myself. We would just
pull up in front of a liquor store,
and my less than reserved friend
would get out and ask people on
their way in to buy for us. He got
many reiusais, out we usually naa
what we wanted in about fifteen
minutes.
Senior year featured more new
friends, and my most varied and
adventurous year for getting the
goods.
Another well-stocked liquor
cabinet was involved, one of my
friend’s mom’s, but since we were
regular users, we had to be careful
not to take noticeable amounts. So
we’d clean out an empty two gal
lon milk container, pour in small
portions of eight or nine different
kinds of alcohol, mix it all up with
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"mixed drinks.” Yes, we barfed a
lot.
At some point that year we dis
covered a gas station out in West
Omaha that sold beer and would
usually not “card" anybody who
was old enough to drive in. But
none of us was yet man enough to
take the taste of beer, we were all
more partial to, um, wine coolers.
This place only stocked one row of
wine coolers, so at the most we
could gel five four packs of White
Mountain, and sometimes we only
ended up with one.
But whatever the case, one of us
(usually me, because I was the
tallest), would go in, clear out the
Panasonic, Peugeot, Jamis, Haro
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cooler row, take them up to the
counter and pray that we weren’t
asked for ID.
One time, I was asked for ID.
“I don’t have any with me,” I
lied, slightly ticked off. After all, I
was a regular customer. ‘‘What is
this, some kind of new policy,
carding everybody, even regular
customers?”
‘‘Well, you got part of it right. It
is a new policy. But it’s more like,
the money we made by selling to
little kids like you is no longer
worth the risk of being found out
by the law.”
I was stung. I was no little kid. I
was a high school senior.
After that, we had to resort to
Parker’s. Parker’s was a liquor
store on North l6th St., in one of
the shadier parts of Omaha, and for
suburbanites like us, one of the
scariest. But we went there, be
cause there were always four or
five transients in the parking lot,
waiting to take money from minors
and buy alcohol for them, for a
small tip. Or a large tip. Or some
times they just kept it all.
There’s really nothing like driv
ing 25 minutes through town so
that you can roll down your win
dow, hand someone you don’t
know a twenty, and then drive
back.
I think the last time we went to
Parker’s was the time that we spent
$27 for a pint and a half of vodka.
F=-——■ - -
Since I’ve come to college, the
whole process has become much
easier, although it’s never a sure
thing. My friends and I have a
pretty regular source these days, an
older friend who has earned the
title “Keeper of the Weekend.” We
give him the dough, he opens the
gates to fun and relaxation. Or at
least to drunkenness.
In less than two weeks, Lincoln
will have a brand new “Keeper of
the Weekend,” — me. I will finally
be a major. It’s taken such a long
time - about 21 years, I guess.
I’m looking forward to it, of
course, but I’m kind of worried
about one thing. After all these
years of obstacle course alcohol
procurement, the act of just suc
ceeding in getting it seems to be
worth about three beers worth of a
buzz. By the time you take your
first drink, you’re already almost
drunk with the success at what is
sometimes such a trying and frus
trating hassle.
So I’m kind of wondering if the
alcohol that I legally buy myself
will get me as drunk as the stuff
that I’ve been drinking for the last
seven years or so. I guess it’s not
that big of a deal though. If I run
out ana am not drunk yet, all I have
to do is go buy more. If they ask me
for ID, all I have todoisshow them
mine. I’ll finally be able to realize
my goal of being drunk every day.
EARLY REGISTRATION
FOR 1989
SUMMER SESSIONS
MARCH 20-APRIL 7
Class Priority
All students who register during the early registration period, March 20-April 7,1989, will receive
class priority for the choice of courses if their registration worksheets and course request forms are
completed and returned to the Records Office, Service Counter 107C, Administration Building,
according to the following schedule:
1. Graduate students and students of senior rank (89 or more credit hours on record at the end of
the second semester 1988-89), by 4 p.m. Wednesday, March 22.
2. Students with 53 or more credit hours by 4 p.m. Friday, March 24.
3. Students with fewer than 53 credit hours by 3 p.m. Friday, April 7.
Pre-Session May 22-June 9
8-Week Session May 22-July 14
First Session June 12-July 14
Second Session July 17-August 17
Summer Sessions Class Schedules and Registration Packets are available at Service Counter 107C,
Administration.
UNL is an Affirmative Action/Equal Opportunity Educational Institution
