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Christmas songs bring out spirit
in every Ebenezer’s heart, soul
. . i . . » _ r ^ i
By John Bruce
Arts Director _
Ust night I was suddenly, and
without warning, struck with an
uncontrollable urge to spread hap
piness and joy to my fellow man.
Trying to ignore it only made the
feeling grow stronger. I was on the
verge of a hoedown. Words like
“swell" and “shucks" started pop
ping insanely out of my mouth. I
panicked and called my friend,
Ebenezer (not his real name).
“Hey Ebenezer," I groaned,
“You gotta help me! 1 think I was just
struck with Yuletide cheer."
“Calm down," he said.
“I can’t! It’s happening in waves.
I can feel the season to be jolly
coming on."
“Are you convulsing?”
“No, not yet."
"Eight it!"
“I can’t anymore. 1 think I’ll just
let it take me. birds fly south for the
winter. I crave egg nog. It happens."
“NO! YOU CAN BEAT THIS
THING!"
“If I don’t go with my instincts I’ll
end up like those whales that were
trapped in the ice."
“Even for an idiot that’s stupid
reasoning. If you go with your in
stincts now, you’ll end up getting
arrested for impersonating an elf.”
“Merry Christmas,” I said and he
hung up.
The Christmas spirit had me. I
put on my Christmas stocking,
wrapped blinking lights around my
body and dusted off my Christmas
albums.
One aspect about these records
is that they don’t have to be any
good aesthetically to soothe any
one into the proper yuletide mood
Marie Osmond’s rendition of “Blue
Christmas" is quite rancid but I play
it eveiy year. And I enjoy it. Some
times I even weep openly depend
mg un uic puicm-y uic nog.
Here are some records tha t never
fail to set my mind in a snowy,
Christmas swirl of pine cones,
Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer pez
dispensers and sugar plum fairies
doing the Frug.
1. The Chipmunk Song. This is
an o'd favorite for all ages. The
Chipmunks harmonies rival even
the Bee Gees. I was disappointed,
however, when at 8-years old, 1
played the song at the wrong speed
and realized that Alvin et al were
just regular guys. And Santa is really
David Crosby.
2. Alice’s Restaurant. Arlo
Guthrie’s 18 minute anti-war, anti
littering mock epic is actually a
Thanksgiving song but it also
works in this season to be jolly
Evidently, Guthrie is planning an
updated version of the song for the
80’s. Perhaps the song will take on
new meaning if its layered in syn
thesizers.
3. White Christmas. Patty Smith,
the punk, poet priestess who trusts
her guitar, rasps her way through
this Bing Crosby classic without
once mentioning anything about
the transformation of waste. Lenny
Kaye doesn’t thrash into feedback,
unfortunately and the piece is done
iraumonaiiy,
complete with jingle bells and glad
tidings from the Patty Smith Group.
4. Little Drummer Boy. Joan Jett
and The Blackhearts recreate this
religious ditty for the Leather and
Chain crowd. This one should be
played early Christmas on morning.
Play it loud. Wake up the neigh
bors.
“I’m Joan. It’s Christmas! I wanna
open my presents NOW!" Ba ru m pa
bum bum.
5. Deck The Halls. This standard
is from the Mannheim Steamroller
Christmas album and just might be
the worst recording ever made. It
gets played at my house every
Christmas. It’s the Evening News
theme. It’s Star Wars. It’s Jack Frost
going for your jugular. It’s Christ
mas for computer viruses and a
must for anyone who lives for
Emerson, Lake and Pompous.
6. The Bcatle's Christmas Albu m.
This is a compilation of Christmas
records the Fab Four sent out to Fan
club members. It opens in Decem
ber 1963, with the loveable mop
tops merrily goofing around in the
studio singing Christmas tunes
about Betty Grable and thanking
their fans for being so gear.
By the lime the 1967 edition was
released, the group had become
weird. Using Sgt. Pepper jtudio
techniques, tne recordings became
more conceptual and it was evidei..
that someone had put hash n the
cranberries.
The Final entry, from 1969,
sounds like a remake of Revolution
*9. The Beatles were splitting up,
Yoko screams, and George plays
silar.
Birken- )
Stocking!
A B.rkenstock \
\ gift certificate / ft
in a stocking sends
true tidings of
/ comfort and joy.
Footloose & Fancy
1219 "P" 476-6119
DBHHMBBMm
Cwas the Night Before
Christmas.. __
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