harlotte's
Kitchen
.Catering for
12 300
a na 1435 “0”
j 4/D" Street
'8657
24 Hour Notice Please!
Office Lunches, Weddings
Graduations & Other
Special Occasions!
• BBQ Beef • Fried Chicken
• Meat & Cheese Trays
• Relish Trays
• Salads • Desserts
STAFF EDITORIAL POSITIONS
The Spring Daily Nebraskan needs general news reporters,
arts and entertainment reporters, sports reporter, staff photo
graphers, copy editors, artists and graphics artists.
Apply and sign up for an interview at the Daily Nebraskan,
34 Nebraska Union, between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.
Daily,
Nebraskan
(Applicants must be UNL students during the Spnng 1989 semester)
UNL does not discriminate in its academic, admissions or employ
ment programs and abides by all federal regulations pertaining to
the same.
1 Copy Center
| Open weekday$7:00 am to 1.00 am
I Monday through Thursday
| from lOpm-lam
Astro's copy center
best copies in the universe.
16th&W-in The Reunion-477-9011
Inn [United Hairlines
HAIR DESIGNING FOR MEN & WOMEN
476-0646
Convenient Hours
Mon.-Fri. 8 am-8 pm
Saturday 8 am-4 pm
Manhart/Dslly Nebraskan
Hanna inspires late-night guests
and solves problems of big-wigs
I remember that night like it was
yesterday. I was sitting in my bed
room, listening to a little Bach.
The cruel Nebraska autumn was
hanging coolly outside but I was in
side, warm and dry. I was busy at my
desk translating many of
Shakespeare’s plays into Latin and
back again.
My room was lit only by candle
light and I was feeling very intellec
tual and very comfortable. I was an
island unto myself.
Just then, the stillness of my tran
quil paradise was shattered by a
knock at the front door. Damn my
luck!
I grumbled to myself as I got up
and went to the door. Now, I am not
usually an angry or violent person but
as I walked to the door, 1 could not
help but feel rage at this irritating
intrusion.
nuw uaic MjmeDouv interrupt my
studies! As I continued to walk to the
door (it’s a long walk from my bed
room to the door), the fury that burned
inside me grew to a full-fledged in
ferno. Whoever was at the door was
going receive a severe tongue-lashing
for this invasion. Ooooh!! What a
lambasting I was to give this person.
As my walk to the door neared its
end, I was carefully writing a speech
in my brain; a speech I would unload
on the sorry sap at my door.
I clicked on the porchlight, threw
open the door and bellowed, “What is
meant by this unwarranted disruption
of my serene evening, you pitiful
toad!”
Imagine my horror when I realized
that Gov. Kay Orr was standing at the
door, weeping.
I instantly realized my blunder and
tried to make things right.
“Oh dear,” I said. “Gov. Orr, I had
no idea... I thought it was somebody
else... please forgive ...”
“Jim,” she interrupted gently. “It’s
alright. I understand.”
She smiled warmly at me through
her tears and I could not help but
regret haying voted for Helen
Boosalis in 1986.
t !__ J .«
i in vuco uic governor in, oreweo a
fresh pot of coffee and sat down to
find out what had driven her to tears.
“What’s up, governor?”
“Well Jim,” she began, “I’m sure
you’ve heard all about this fuss cre
ated by the students booing at Home
coming .”
“Of course I have Governor — ”
She quickly cut me off.
“Please Jim, call me Kay.”
“All right... Kay,” I said. “What
about the booing?”
“Oh Jim, it’s just got me in a blue
funk.”
I giggled to myself at the notion of
Gov. Qrr using the word “funk.” She
glared at me with a cold look that
turned my blood to ice.
“This is not a laughing matter,
< James,” she said. < ■' >
.1 -'‘You're- tight, Kayi'I’m >$orry.
Please continue.”
“As I was saying, the thought of all
of these people booing at me just
makes me cry. 1 have tried to beagood
governor... Geez, what do they want
from me?” she asked.
“Maybe a promise that you’ll give
more money to the university, lower
their taxes, and stop playing partisan
politics,” I suggested.
“Come on Jim! Get serious! Let’s
be reasonable!” she fired back. “What
can I really do?”
Before I could answer, there came
another knock at the door.
Now, it was bad enough that my
tranquil evening was disrupted by the
governor, but to have this very inti
mate discussion interrupted — well
that was just too much.
I stormed to the door, threw it open
and screamed, “Do you mind, you
pig-faced idiot! We’re trying to have
a conversation here!”
Social error No.2 — Standing at
my door was Chancellor Martin
Masscngalc, his face streaked with
tears.
“Please Jim, may I come in?” he
said.
I was again very embarrassed and
humbly opened the door for him.
He instantly saw Kay and ran to her
side. They had a tearful embrace.
“Let me guess, chancellor, arc you
here to talk about the booing fiasco?”
I asked.
“Yes Jim, I am,” he said. “And
please call me Martin.”
“You see Jim,” Kay chimed in.
“We weren’t bothered by the booing
all that much. Sure it hurta bit, but we
got over it.”
“We’re just all upset about the
resulting furor in the newspaper,”
said Marlin. “And also in that group.
. .oh, what’s it called... you know, the
one group you kids have that’s like
student council and you have those
fun elections.”
“Uh, that would be ASUN, Mar
tin,” I said.
“That’s right! ASUN. I knew
that.”
“Well, you two, I’ll tell you what
—” I started, in an attempt to give
them some advice, but again there
came a knock at the door.
I was so instantly enraged that I
picked up a ceramic ashtray off of a
nearby shelf and hurled it against the
wall. Ray and Martin cowered in fear.
I stormed to the door, flung it open
and screeched ‘This had better be
good, you miserable insect!”
Faux pas No. 3 — standing at my
door, tears streaming down his face,
was Coach Tom Osborne.
“Jim,” he said mildly, “I’d like to
have a word or two with you if I may.”
I was thoroughly embarrassed at
having implied that Coach Osborne
was an insect and so I let him in, my
face glowing crimson.
Upon seeing Orr and Massengale,
Osborne ran to them and they had a
huge, tearful embrace.
“Tom, are you here about the
booing too?”-I asked. 1 '
* >“ Yes,” he said. “And don’t call me
Tom — call me Coacn.
I got a warm tingly feeling in my
tummy. I felt so honored that Coach
let me use a moniker he probably only
let his players use.
“Okay, Coach, how can 1 help?”
“Jeepers, Jim, why do the fans
have to boo? We’re working our butts
off out there.” he said.
Kay began to blush like a school
girl at Coach’s use of the word “butts”
and the coach sheepishly excused
himself.
“So,” I said. “All of you are kinda
bothered by this booing' thing, huh?”
“You bet we are Jim!” they all said
in unison.
Then pandemonium broke out. All
three began to talk at once. Each
person was fighting for my attention,
whining and bawling about booing.
They got louder and louder until I
thought my ears were going to pop.
I couldn’t hear a thing any of them
were saying. It was just a mishmash of
whines. I had to shut them up.
They were all sitting in a row on
my couch. I stood up, walked over to
the couch and executed a perfect
Three Stooges slap right down the
row — Whap! Whap! Whap!
They all fell silent. They rubbed
their checks where my handprint was
now firmly embedded. I could tell
they were stung, not by the slap as
much as by the embarrassment of the
situation.
inowi want an oi you to listen ana
listen close!” I hollered.
“I realize that you’re all plenty hurt
by the boos you’ve had to deal with
lately and I can appreciate your pain.
It is very childish to boo but some
times it’s fun to be childish.
“In any event, I think it’s just as
childish to gel all bothered by the
booing as it is to boo. Didn’t you ever
hear ‘turn the other cheek?’ Or how
about 'sticks and stones may break
my bones but names will never hurt
me.’ There’s a lot of wisdom in that
phrase.
“You guys need to suck up vour
a bit and not let those boos
you. If you can ignore the
booing, you will be twice the pepson
that the booer is.
“So just pick yourselves up by the
bootstraps and hold your head high
and say, ‘Hey, those boos don’t bother
me. I'm better than you anyway.’ I
guarantee you’U feel a lot better.”
My three guests, still rubbing their
cheeks, looked at one another, looked
at me and then said in unison, “You ’ re
uie greatest, Jimi"
They all stood up and mobbed me
with hugs and kisses. I told them all
that I loved them, mussed the coach’s
hair good-naturedly and sent them on
their way.
As I closed the door after them, my
tummy got all warm and tingly again.
It’s a great feeling to know you can
help out the big-wigs sometimes.
So, best of luck to Kay, Martin and
Coach and remember — I’m here if
you need me.
Jim Hanna is a Junior theater major and
Pfily Nebraskan arts & entertainment re
porter and humorist
