Editorial
j Netfraskan
University ot Nebraska-Lincoln
Curl Wagner, Editor, 472-1766
Mike Rcillcy, Editorial Page Editor
Diana Johnson, Managing Edtior
Lee Rood, Associate News Editor
Bob Nelson, Wire Page Editor
Andy Pollock, Columnist
Craig Heckman, Columnist
Clean-up engineered
World needs to see real Omaha
Keep America beautiful — at least until we put away the
| television cameras.
That seems to be the philosophy Omaha residents are
taking in preparation for Wednesday’s viee-presidential
debate. Omahans want to show America its good looks —
even if its not authentic.
According to an Associated Press article, they’re showing
off their “Midwestern friendliness” by sweeping up side
walks, raking yards and lining streets with flags. Cab drivers
will be armed with index cards listing the ci ty ’ s strong points.
All this for a televised debate between Republican Dan
IQuayle and Democrat Lloyd Bentsen.
And Omaha wants to clean up the streets in another way,
too. Police officers have been ordered to transfer the home
less to an Omaha shelter three days before and one day after
the debate. Heaven forbid, we wouldn’t want the candidates,
the media or the rest of the country to see a serious problem
that’s plaguing the country.
Nope. It’s easier just to sweep them under the rug until the
company leaves. Police chief Robert Wadman denied that
the order was to conceal the homeless, saying the temporary
I policy resulted from an offer from the Open Door Mission.
But a few days after the debate, the homeless will be
wandering the streets once again.
The cleanup drive even has a name: “Smile Omaha. The
whole world is watching.” The “whole world” needs to see
Omaha as it really is, not what they want others to see.
Omaha mayor Walt Calinger has said: “This is the time to
put our best foot forward.”
Let’s just hope Omahans don’t wind up putting it in their
: mouths in front of a television audience
— Mike Reilley
- for the Daily Nebraskan
__
Campus beware of drivers
from Lancaster county
As wc begin our senior ye;ir al the
University of Nebraska ! incoln. wc
find ourselves looking back at our
brief slay in Lincoln. Charles Dickens
once said, ‘It was the best of times. It
was the worst of times.”
Now, we all have different ideas of
what constitutes the “best of limes”
(football games, Friday afternoon
clubs). However, wc feel that any oul
of-towncr, w ho owns an automobile,
can stand united on a “worst” front.
Specifically, Lincoln city drivers.
Lincoln drivers, why docs having a
“2“ in front of your license plate
' number automatically make you a
road hazard on wheels? Although wc
are both from Omaha, wc arc not
alone in our observations. Friends
from Crete, Grand Island, Columbus
and, good heavens, even Gothenburg,
agree w uh us. Lincoln drivers need a
crash course (not literally, of course)
in considerate operation of motor
vehicles. Let us cite a few examples:
O Street. It is the main street, is it
not? Ithasa4()mph sign on it, does it
not? Why then do L incoln drivers
perpetually pull along at a brisk .10
mph? And while we’re on the subject,
why do 2-counly wars bunch upon the
road like a herd ol scared shwep? It’s
l* incredibly frustrating to fv boxed in
by thioc cars when there > a 10-mile
w'nipiy stretch in Irontot the lead car
We're sure many readers can empa
thize.
We must admit, though, that Lin
coln drivers do demonstrate one fas
cinating trait worthy of psychiatric
research. Namely, the Dr. Jckyll- Mr.
Hyde syndrome. Those meek Jekylls
on our capital city streets — people,
K* y. co. so o uo * *.o v • y •
who wouldn't dream ol running a
yellow light, suddenly turn into ma
niacal Hydes on the highway.
Their lunatic habits arc nothing
short of criminal. Sixty-five on the
highway ? Ha! Try Interstate SO. The
road is not a safe place for us consci
entious, law-abiding, big-city driv
ers. Why do those little Lincoln
feather feet all of the sudden lake on
an anvil-like quality when confronted
with an open stretch of road? It’s not
just the speeding. Want to drive fast?
Fine. We just ask that Lincolnitcs
leave the student driving in Holly
wood. It is not necessary to come
within six inches of our bumpers
before switching lanes. Our highways
arc simply not that crowded.
Of course, once hack in the city,
they revert hac k to their original tedi
ous, “I have all day to gel somew here”
patterns of driving. We w ent through
this on a recent trip to Kansas City.
Moving oil the interstate, we found
ourselves in a half-hour traffic jam.
When we finally reached the source
of the delay, ;t came as no surprise to
anyone that the inconvenience was
caused by a Lancaster county van.
In view ing the local problem, we
owe a debt of gratitude to the \e
hia k.i Department "1 Motor Ve
hu les I his bureau liad the insight to
provide other operators ol automo
biles with a \isuul warning ol im
pending disaster. Specifically, the
“2.’ Look lor it. It could save your
life.
Michelle Ebadi
senior
Enghsh/elcmentary education
i* • *•>»• * «• mii,'H*f * • .*)t* f !■}*.*f'!
Here Giuaoan , maybe
YOU SWJJU> mt (VER
pw> ?wrnc£ you may
To KMOV* WOVJ TO
TAKE OVER SDWE
Think you're pretty cool, huh?
This simple test can weed out the morons from the masters
Now that classes arc hack in
session and the nights in
Lincoln arc gelling longer,
students arc abandoning most ol the
summertime activities in favor of
warmer, indoor fun.
I ike dating.
Of course, it’s a year-round pas
time. but thecold w inter months make
it more fun. Alter all, keeping warm
w ith friends ol the opposite sex is one
of the brighter sides of w inter.
At the onset of the 1988-89 “sea
son," it’s important especially lor
men — loevaluale one’s dating prow -
ess in comparison to the other several
thousand students you’ll be compet
ing against.
With that m mind, my mind drifted
this weekend from studying lor three
major exams to formulating ways to
evaluate individual preparedness.
So, with four years of college life
behind me, here’s a simple qui/ lo lest
your height of readiness.
Unlortunately for women reading
this column, this quiz is only for men.
I have little perspective of what the
average woman is thinking on a daily
basis. Sorry!
nut men again, you ve always got
Cosmopolitan . ..
1. How many timessince you turned
16 have you been on a date w ith a
girl/woman?
a. Over l(X).
b. Enough to know my way around.
c. A few.
d. What’s a girl?
2. At which place would you most
likely meet women?
a. In the Bahamas, where I spend
all my weekends.
b. Just about anywhere.
c. Drug/alcohol rehabilitation.
d. At your weekly “Satan Kicks
Ass’’ meetings.
3. W hich opening line would most
suit you?
a. “Hey! Want to lake a ride in my
Ferrari? Say yes, and it’s yours.”
b. “Hi. Could I buy you lunch?”
c. “Kr, uhh . . . you wouldn’t want
to go vHil w iili me, would you?”
J. “God! In that a run in vour nUh k
ingor justyour leg' Huh Justknkhng,
loots."
4. When you ask a strange woman
(as in “one you’ve never seen be
fore” to dance, does she:
a. Say no, then suggest a trip back
to her place to listen to the new Lloyd
Cole aJbuni?
b. Say yes?
c. Say she’ll have to ask her boy
friend, the linebacker, first?
#1 *
• • • •••• * « «•-••••* # i
'{'Hi • I « • I • * * • • »*»*«' >
d. Stare al you a couple ol seconds,
point at your lace and laugh, while
simultaneously pouring her drink on
your pink high-top sneakers?
5. \\ liit'h of these places would you
choose as a first date destination?
a Paris in the spring, or to Rome to
eat at one ol >our favorite Italian
restaurants.
b. A Jassy restaurant somewhere
here in Lincoln, or even a trip to
Omaha, if you both real!> love the
place that much.
c. A friend’s house to wateh "Laces
of Death" and "Debbie Does Dallas”
on his VCR.
d. An exhibit al Pershing Audito
rium entitled "Our friend the socket
wrench" and to the F.merald bow ling
alley afterwards for beers.
L
6. After how many dates does the
woman usually let you give her the
first kiss?
a. Before you remove your hand
from her doorbell while picking her up
for the first dale.
b. At the end of the first dale (if you
were a gentleman, of course).
c. When she’s passed out drunk on
the floor and can’t protect herself.
d. “Kiss? You’re supposed to kiss a
girl at the end of a dale?!”
7. \Vhil* deeply engaged in a kiss,
what are you most likely to do?
a. Plot lire rest of the weekend
you’re about to spend w ith your dale
on the Caribbean cruise your father's
corporation is paying for.
b. Close your eyes, take it for w hat
it’s worth, hope she enjoys it as much
as you do and not get overly excited.
c. Crab her below the belt and
giggle immorally.
d Plan your escape* route, because
when this stranger you grabbed«>n the
street gels free, she II scream lor the
K. \\ hen you suggest a quiet evening
at her your place, which scenario
would make you mostcomldi table?
a. Having your dale a A over and
over to see your bank book and list of
your lather’s assets?
b. Watching a good movie on tele
vision, listening to some quiet music,
sipping on champagne and curling up
in each other s arms by a crackling
lire.
c. Asking your date to model her
lingerie collection lor you.
d. Sitting in a lighted room play mg
the accordion lor your dale while >.lu
slaves over a hot stove to cook the
spinach casserole you demanded upon
entering her apartment.
•). When a woman stares longingly
into your eyes, apparently waiting
lor you to kiss her, do you:
a. Stare hack, even more long
ingly?
b. Smile and wait lor her to make
the next move, but continue to plot
what to do 11 she doesn't?
c. Make ridiculous laces at Iter and
drool down your chin?
d. Shout. “What the hell are you
lookin’ at?!” and punch her in the
mouth?
Bonus question:
In moments directly following pas
sionate intimacy, w hat are the most
likely first words out of your
mouth?
a. “Let's go back to my yacht and
do that lor the rest ol the nigh1 - - • 0,1
our way to Jamaica.”
b. “1 want you to know that I'll
remember this forever, and that you
mean much more to me than just a
friend.”
c. “Damn, girl, why don’t you
shave your legs?”
d. “Sorry I farted.”
OK, now for the big payoff. For
every “a” answer, give yourself four
points; three points for “b" answers;
two for “c” and one for ‘d.” The bonus
is worth nine, five, three and one
point, respectively.
Scoring:
45-35 — What are you doing in
Nebraska?
25-34 — You’re a pretty good guy
who probably gels along well with
women. Undoubtedly, you’re easy
going and have no ditiicully commu
mealing during a dale. L ei’s hojv you
have a high paying job, though, he
cause' word gels around Iasi.
1S-24 You’re a social dreg, with
little hojv ot spending your lde wt1'
anyone but a small animal it you k
lucky. Perhaps a career in gync\ok s
would suit you just tme.
‘>-17 When vloes your parole
end, and whal monastery aie you
considering?
(•revn is 4 wwi-t^Uwiill and criminal
justice major, and is the UuUy Nebraskan s
copy desk chief and First Du*n Vlatfa/im
editor
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