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Grad woes: Desperately seeking boozin’
So you’re graduating. Have any
big plans? Most people I’ve talked to
said they either want to do some
heavy duty partying or spend the night
with their parents. Some said both,
preferably being with their parents
before partying their brains out.
1 can relate with the graduation
scene. 1 graduated from the Univer
sity of Nebraska-Lincoln a year ago
w ith a degree in journal ism. 1’ vc been
through the whole routine. Pomp and
circumstance. Mom, dad and
grandma witnessing an event that’s
bigger to them than it is to you. The
family get together. And then the big
night of partying. Or so 1 thought. For
me it turned out to be “Graduation in
Hell.”
Most of my college career I as
sumed that graduation night would be
a special one. The last big night to
party with some friends, the last night
to ever see many of them. Before that,
dinner with the family, as they give
out graduation presents — some
bucks, maybe a new watch; a trip to
Europe ...
The trip deal didn’t pan out. I
should have realized then my gran
deur graduation dreams wouldn’t
become all that I had hoped.
Actually, rny graduation plans
were developed some time before
graduation day. With agood month of
school left, (the only time in your
college career the last month of a
semester can be considered “good”),
four or five soon-to-be college grads
happened into the Union’s South
Crib. After sizing up that no one had
yet set up the grad party to end all
parties, we decided to take it on our
selves.
We secured Robber’s Cave, the
Southwest Lincoln underground cave
straight out of the “Adventures of
Tom Saywer.” The biggest band on
campus at the time had agreed to play.
Within a week, we had the gig bank
rolled, the gritty details, like food,
alcohol and the rest of the lot, all tied
down. Dreams of sugar plums and
telling our grandkids of the party of
’87 danced in our heads.
Then we got cocky.
We went to the authorities. Not the
police mind you. But we figured if
we’re going to have the party to end
all parties, we should have an inkling
of this venture’s legal ramifications. I
talked with the city attorney.
We wanted this to be above the
board. Totally legit. Something that
would not only provide grads with
fond memories of their last night at
good of UN-L, but would be a role
model for graduation parties in the
future.
And it was. Until I went to the city
INVEST from Page 7
don’t have anyone to protect, he said.
Cuca said graduates who want
individual securities should go to a
full-service brokerage.
Cuca said the market has become
so institutionalized that the indi vidua1
investor doesn’t have a lot to say
about it. He said the market will start
to have much lighter swings but most
graduates should stick with mutual
funds because the market is still shaky
from the October crash in 1987.
People should look at stocks over a
long time horizon because it goes up
and down in cycles he said.
Marlene Wagner, assistant vice
president and investment officer for
FirsTier Bank in Lincoln, said she
advises anyone who can get into a
profit sharing plan at work should get
into one. Profit sharing means that a
certain amount is taken out of every
paycheck and the employer adds
interest to that.
Many investments don’t allow for
small investors, she said. Graduates
should buy certificates of deposit
first, then move one to government
mutual fund, she said.
Government mutual funds fluctu
ate v/ith themarket, she.said,and most
have a 3.5 to 4 percent fee added to it.
Mutual funds should be viewed as a
longer term investment.
attorney’s office. 1 think it was Stein
beck who once said that the best laid
plans of m ice, men and college gradu
ates, sometimes go awry. Unless we
could afford to take out an insurance
policy front Lloyd’sof London, many
of our post-college years would be
used to pay-off liabilities instead of
student loans, if something bad hap
pened. Plus police officers have a
nose for big parties. I’d like to add,
how'ever, the idea of shuttle buses was
in the works to alleviate drunk driv
ers.
Needless to say, the party didn ’ t go
down. That’s all right, we figured,
some else would have it.
Graduation night came, Mom and
Dad went. I linked up with some co
party planners ready to have the night
of my life. We didn’t know where
we’d go, a couple of parties had been
mentioned, but certainly folks at the
bars would know.
We went to O’Rourke’s: 25 people
there. I checked my trusty calendar
watch. Saturday, it said. Something
was wrong. Next stop, Sandy’s. 15
people — that’s if you were so im
paired you saw double. We had yet to
see a fellow college grad. By this time
il was ten o’clock. All was not well.
Maybe the entire graduating class
was partying together. Everyone
except me and my cohorts. “Party at
Branched Oak Lake,” the cry, “shh!,
but don’t tell Coffey.”
We drove by a couple of prospec
tive parlies. Maybe they were holding
a wake. Certainly they weren’t cele
brating graduation. By this time the
idea of attending a wake was begin
ning to sound more exciting than driv
ing around finding a dead town.
Graduation night. It was starting to
sink in why the commencement
gowns were black.
It was all a tailspin from there. I
was experiencing post-college ver
tigo. Maybe this is the way graduation
night is supposed to be. Maybe this is
supposed to be an indoctrination into
the “real world.” Maybe this is all a
plot by the authors of “Is There Life
After College,” in an effort to boost
sales. I don’t know.
Psychologists say we don’t re
member certain incidents to block out
the pain. I don’t remember much after
10:30, except that I remained sober
and I was in bed by 1 a.rn. on my
graduation night! My social-psyche
will forever be wounded. So what
do you plan to do on your graduation?
I just talked to a friend who says he’s
spending his at Harris Labs selling his
body to make money. I think he has
the right idea.
Coffey is a senior political science major
and a Daily Nebraskan arts and entertain
ment reporter.
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John Bruce/Daily Nebraskan
IBM and Macintosh computers
are a great graduation gift
idea. It is a gift you'll never
outgrow. For more details
see the Computer Shop.
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