PERSONALS
ToNUL Administration.
Q What does NUL. the USA and McDonald s have
n common7
A They re all run by a clown named Ronald.
XXXX.OOO
The Daily HaH-asskm
To the airl m the white tennis shoes sitting in union last
week1 Hiked your backpack Can we meet, ..maybi5 late7
Shy guy with
* glasses
To my boopie bear, happy anmversaryl These past five
years have been so special and wonderful...but not
wonderful enough. See yal
Love and daggers
Pookie Bear
Q What do all the female reindeer do when Sandy Claws
and the male reindeer go cruisin' on Christmas eve?
A: They go into town and blow a few bucks.
To the person who ran over my pit buH, Daisy, on the
corner of 14th and R streets, t WANT IT BACKIII Great
sentimental value. Call 472-DOGG.
Maui Maui,
The hot tub was soooooo.hotl
Hugs A Kisses,
Gaui. Gaui
Sweetheart.
You afe my one true love i would never love anyone
but you'll Here's to many more.,..
J.J.
P.S. Bobby, this is not tor you.
Kitty Jo and Jack-o,
Had a great time with you guys at the bar the other
night. Who were those geeks A G. and Woody?
Ike
Fats.
See you in South Carolina with Big Ed. the "guys".
Or was that Lansing7
The DH Sports Guys
Maui Maui,
Ooohbabyii I'll tan on your beach any day. Can I see
your lines?
Sherman Baby
Sip (Little boy),
You'd better hide your Nutri-Gram, little one. We
know where it is and we re coming to get it Ha ha haaaalll
Paco and Red
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Used condom giveaway I
Tuesday
Nebraska Union, Room 34
NUL Young Apathetic* will not meet this week... againl
Daughters ot the Golden Rod:
Little sisters meeting tonight at 11. Be sure to bring
your textbooks, checkbooks, brooms and ironing boards.
(ASS) The Men of Alpha Sigma Sigma
P.S. Be sure to bring some macaroni, too. If s Friday.
The Men Of Beta Upsilon Tau Tau are Proud to
announce:
•••••ENEMA B8*““
"We think you'll find it satisfying in the end I"
HERE IT COMESII
Gonad '88. The few, the proud, the long .,,
Contact Biff Skippyson for more information and check
out tape measures at this time.
LOST AND FOUND
LOST: My head. My mother always said it would fall off if
I wasn't careful and now it has. Answers to Spot I RE
WAROIIII
LOST: My virginity. Anyone who has information about its
whereabouts, contact Muffy at The House. It was last
seen at Whizzbanger '88.
ROOMMATE
I need a roommate right away. My parents separated and
are about to kick me out of my Pseudo-English Manor
House. Must bo able to put up with giggling, psychotic
mood swings, a serial killer stalking me and my face
crowding everything else out of view. Must also like the
moon. Write to Eve D. at this paper.
Sensuous M D with very persuasive bedside manner
wish mg to make friends but enemas okay, too. No need
to worry., this physician's practice is private. Please
respond to Dr. Love in care of the DH.
Lover
GREEK AFFAIRS
Stamatus,
Meet me at the dockyard at midnight, Friday. Make
sure "She'' doesn't follow you
Giftopolus
3iff says.' GET PSYCHED FOR HARD-ON '88II went to
Hard-On 87.1 got so hard I ooulda' cut diamonds I"
•••GONAD 88—
Find your dates today ... it will "come" faster than you
think!
GET PSYCHEDIlll! _
Get hard for.
HARO-ON 88
6 (rats, no sororities
“Where men are men and boys will learn, sooner or later.
P.S. Be sure to bring some sheepl
WANTED _
WANTED: Cold-blooded individuals what know how to
help collect on accounts receivable and maintain a
smooth business atmosphere. Apply at Enzio's Loans
and Personal Securities after dark.
To the guy who stole my virginity on Saturday night; I want
it backlll
Hugs and kisses only,
Jane
RIDES
Someone to share a car ride to Hawaii. Will pay half of gas
expenses as well as any water or salt damage.
ADOPTION
Loving, Lincoln couple looking lor football player to
pamper and shower with gifts. Preferably a player who
runs a 4.540-yard dash and can break tackles at the goal
line. .. . _..
Contact Myron and Elvira
Poor, unhappy couple seeks a newborn to share in our
misery We promise 5 meals aday. dilapidated home, no
frivolities (Ike clothes) and no college education.
Old couple seeks 7-year-old child for life of indentured
servitude Please call Buck or Lena at 402-699-WORK.
Completely unoonfidential and illegal We re gonna teli
everyone.
Couple married 10 years seeks child to keep us together.
No vacht, no private schools, just my nagging wife and I.
FOR RENT
One slightly used football stadium. Built in the 1920s,
has housed two national champion teams and has had at
least half a dozen other contenders choke it away, usually
at the end of the season. $325 per month or best offer.
Perfect for a slaughter house. After all. that s what
happens there every other third week in November.
ACROSS
1 ”, .. pulled out
6 Exercises, in a
way
10 Food fish
14 Former
defense g|>.
15 Mine entrance
16 Whittle
17 Any feeble
light
18 Finished
19 Abadan's land
20 Actress
MacGraw
21 "Oz" locale
24 ‘'Two Years
Before the
Mast” author
26 Medieval
minstrel’s
poem
27 Oahu locale
32 Damage
35 Concerning
36 Increase
37 Flat cake
39 Related
40 Invest
42 Sharpen
43 Indigent
45 Membrane
46 Responsibility
47 Some are*
classified |
48 Dublin’s locale I
51 Arafat’s gp.
52 Sudden, quick
movement
53 Another Oahu
locale
59 Aged -
62 Spindle
63 Zone 5
64 Nairobi's
locale |
66 Jawed tool I
67 A come-on |
68 Forever, in i
poesy
69 English school
70 Jackson or
Smith
71 Features to
count
DOWN
1 Nick Charles's
dog
2 Ring
3 Gem cutters
4 All-purpose
trk.
5 Actress from
Puerto Rico
6 Nephrite
7 Aroma
8 Actress
Lollobrigida
9 Jonathan
Swift’s Esther
10 Like some chill
11 Mata
12 Smell-(bo
suspicious)
13 Disclaim
22 Fido’s ailment
23 Pops
25 Rectify
27 Roman moon
goddess
28 Penned
29 Alighieri
30 Player in a
children's
game
31 -Gay
32 Heavenly
gems?
33 Void
34 Air Force Base
in Texas
38 Singing group
41 Mr. Popper
44 Shout
49 A stroke in
figure.skating
50 Make less
clear
51 Primp
53 Macadamise
54 Theater sign
55 Too
56 Melody for
Moffo
57 Budget item
58 Use a kiln
60 Apollo’s
instrument
61 Ratherand
Rowan
65 W.W. II locale
Why does Chester work at the DH?
CHESTER
BEFORE
Before Chester found the Daily Half-asskin, he
was just your tea-todling, toothless, run-of-the
mill hick. But after one semester of reporting at
the DH, Chester found drugs and alcohol. Now
his life is really shit! He now drools in public,
drinks heavily and farts a lot. But he has im
proved his writing....
Yes, you too can become like Chester. The DH
is now hiring idiots just like him...and you! Ap
ply in person at the DH office. Bring clips, res
ume and a bottle of cheap wine.
Half-aslkin
CHESTER
AFTER
‘Celebrating editorial freedom every Saturday night.’
