Planning for the big day j
2-career stress
Couples must talk, compromise
By Tim Engstrom
Staff Reporter_
Compromise and communication
are needed to handle the stress in a
dual-career marriage, two faculty
members at the University of Ne
braska-Lincoln say.
Associate Professor of Sociology
David Brinkcrhoff and Professor of
Human Development and the Family
Herbert Lingrcn agreed that the
changing role of women in society
and increasing economic demands
are key factors in the growing num
ber of marriages with both spouses
working.
“In today’s society, it takes more
money to have the kind of lives we
want,” Lingren said. “Women are
saying that there is no reason they
can’t have careers. Today, if a person
is a homemaker, hopefully it is by
choice, not because her mother did it
or her grandmother did it.”
Brinkcrhoff said women are plac
ing more importance on goals that
involve work outside the home. He
said this requires both people to ad
just their responsibilities, which can
create stress.
Poor communication can lead to
frustration and misunderstandings
about household responsibilities,
putting a bind on the family, Lingrcn
said. Brinkcrhoff said men are taking
over some parenting and household
work traditionally considered
women’s work, but research shows
that women still do the biggest share
of the housework.
“Women can often be thought of
as dual-career individuals because of
the amount of responsibility in and
outside the home,” Lingren said. He
said this is true of many working
women, whether their jobs are pro
fessional or wage-earning, although
professionals often have more de
mands on their lime.
“They are not locked into 40 hours
a week,” he said. “They may work 60
hours or whatever it takes to get the
job done.” Lingren said this requires
both people to be flexible to meet
changes in each other’s schedule.
Careers can bring stress into a
relationship whether the career or the
marriage was established first. Lin
gren said people who marry before
beginning their careers often tempo
rarily forget about career plans.
“After a couple has been dating
and planning to get married, their
minds are on love and ‘two becoming
one’ and things like that,” he said. It
can be a difficult adjustment when
their attention shifts to careers, Lin
gren said, because they may feel as if
they are neglecting their marriage.
Brinkerhoff said many adjust
ments arc necessary when a single
career marriage becomes a dual-ca
reer marriage because the spouse
who has been working may find the
added responsibilities at home de
mand more lime than he or she
thought.
Both Lingren and Brinkerhoff
said a premarital discussion that fully
outlines individual goals and expec
tations would eliminate much of the
stress found in dual-career mar
riages. Lingren said premarital coun
seling programs like the one offered
by the Roman Catholic Church and
the Prepare program, developed at
the University of Minnesota, may
seem time-consuming to a couple
busy with wedding preparations, but
the long-term benefits are worth the
time. He said he has copies of the
Prepare program.
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Talk religion before tying the knot I
By Kari Mott
Staff Reporter __
Religious differences should be
discussed before a couple marries
because they can prevent the pair
from developing unity, several
Lincoln clergymen said.
Differences in religion are the
main topic in premarital counsel
ing, said the Rev. James Bauer,
pastor of University Lutheran
Chapel.
Bauer said his general counsel
ing to people of different faiths is
that God wants a couple to be one
physically and spiritually. He said it
would be less ideal if the couple
attended different churches on
Sunday.
Bauer follows a saying from the
Bible: Don’t be unequally yoked to
each other. He said he believes a
Christian shouldn’t marry a non
Christian.
The Rev. Robert Vasa, a Roman
Catholic priest, said the Catholic
church doesn’t encourage inter
faith marriages, but doesn’t pro
hibit them.
Vasa said a difference in faith
can be a barrier to a couple’s unity.
It is harder for aChristian and a non
Christian to find unity than for two
Christians who belong to different
churches, because the two Chris
tians share a common faith.
“So often people underestimate
the importance of faith in their
lives,” Vasa said.
Judaism prohibits interfaith
marriages, said Rabbi Ian S. Jac
knis of the Tifereth Israel Syna
gogue.
About 700 Jewish people live in
Lincoln, and some are in interfaith
marriages, he said.
‘So often people
underestimate the
importance of faith
in their lifes.’
—Vasa
“We have in our congregation
some interfaith marriages,” he said.
“I’m sure in the Reform congrega
tions there are more.” Jacknis’
congregation is Conservative.
Jacknis said, “If I had a couple in
an interfaith marriage, I would talk
to them about the problems of
marrying outside the faith. I would
present the Jewish position that is
according to Jewish law. I wouldn’t
reject them.”
It is painful for couples to work
religious differences out, he said. It
is a big issue because religion is an
approach to life.
He said he would ask the couple
if they could be happy and how their
religious differences would hurtthe
relationship.
The Rev. Mark Randall of Cor
nerstone-United Ministries in
Higher Education said the general
principle to interfaiih. marriages is
how the couple’s faith enhances
their ability to love each other. A
question he asks is: Are we going to
love each other as God lov es us?
One problem interfaith couples
must consider is what faith they will
raise their children in.
If a couple is married in a Catho
lic church, they sign a promise to
raise the children in the Catholic
faith, Vasa said. If they decide to
raise the children in a different
religion, they should get married in
that church, he said.
Differences in faith cause con- |
tinning problems, especially when
children are bom,.Vasa said. He
said couples should resolve their
religious differences before they
marry.
Jacknis said what religion the
children are raised in depends on
whose religion is stronger. There
must be some kind of agreement on
whether the children will be raised
Jewish, he: said. He said some chil
dren in his congregation are not
Jewish.
Brides must have blood test
Premarital AIDS testing proposed
By Mike Kluck
Slaff Reporter__
Licenses traditionally have been
required to legally practice law, drive
and get married.
In Nebraska, marriage licenses
have been required since the state was
a territory in 1866.
But a new clause may be added to
this long-standing tradition if the
Nebraska Legislature passes a bill
that will be considered this session.
LB928, which was introduced by
Sen. Chris Abboud, would require all
couples to present certification that
they have been tested for AIDS be
fore they could receive a marriage
license.
Similar laws already have been
passed in Illinois, Texas and Louisi
ana, and are before other state legis
latures around the country.
Abboud said the first reason for
such certification is to let spouses
know if their spouse has AIDS, and
the second reason is to help the
couple decide whether they should
have children.
Abboud said children can contract
AIDS from parents who have the
AIDS virus. Abboud said children
who contract the virus usually die
before they reach the age of 12.
Under the proposal, couples
would have to present a certificate to
prove they had been tested for AIDS.
The tests would be strictly confiden
tial, and only the couple would know
the results of the test.
Now in Nebraska, women are
required to have a blood test to show
that they do not have rubella, a form
of German measles. Blood tests for
both spouses were required in 1978 to
check for syphilis, but in 1983 the
Legislature passed a bill that said
men didn’t need to have blood tests
for marriage licenses.
From 1929 until blood tests were
required, both partners had to present
an affidavit that said both were free
from disease.
Besides having a blood test, both
spouses must be at least 19 years of
age to be married in Nebraska with
out the consent of their parents. A
notarized consent from a parent or
guardian is required of applicants
younger than 19. Susan Starcher, a
clerk at the Lancaster County Clerk ’s
Office, said no one under 17 can be
issued a marriage license in Ne
braska.
Starcher said applicants must
bring valid identification like a driv
ers license or a birth certificate and
S10 to apply.
Starcher said it is easy to get a
marriage license in Nebraska, but
people need to be aware of certain
facts when applying. Applicants
need to know their mothers’ maiden
name and birthplace, Starcher said.
Women who are more than 50 years
old or surgically sterilized don’t need
to have a blood test, Starcher said.
Starcher also said there is no legal
common-law marriage in Nebraska,
meaning that the slate doesn’t con
sider people who have lived together
for a period of time married.
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