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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 9, 1988)
Planning for the big day j 2-career stress Couples must talk, compromise By Tim Engstrom Staff Reporter_ Compromise and communication are needed to handle the stress in a dual-career marriage, two faculty members at the University of Ne braska-Lincoln say. Associate Professor of Sociology David Brinkcrhoff and Professor of Human Development and the Family Herbert Lingrcn agreed that the changing role of women in society and increasing economic demands are key factors in the growing num ber of marriages with both spouses working. “In today’s society, it takes more money to have the kind of lives we want,” Lingren said. “Women are saying that there is no reason they can’t have careers. Today, if a person is a homemaker, hopefully it is by choice, not because her mother did it or her grandmother did it.” Brinkcrhoff said women are plac ing more importance on goals that involve work outside the home. He said this requires both people to ad just their responsibilities, which can create stress. Poor communication can lead to frustration and misunderstandings about household responsibilities, putting a bind on the family, Lingrcn said. Brinkcrhoff said men are taking over some parenting and household work traditionally considered women’s work, but research shows that women still do the biggest share of the housework. “Women can often be thought of as dual-career individuals because of the amount of responsibility in and outside the home,” Lingren said. He said this is true of many working women, whether their jobs are pro fessional or wage-earning, although professionals often have more de mands on their lime. “They are not locked into 40 hours a week,” he said. “They may work 60 hours or whatever it takes to get the job done.” Lingren said this requires both people to be flexible to meet changes in each other’s schedule. Careers can bring stress into a relationship whether the career or the marriage was established first. Lin gren said people who marry before beginning their careers often tempo rarily forget about career plans. “After a couple has been dating and planning to get married, their minds are on love and ‘two becoming one’ and things like that,” he said. It can be a difficult adjustment when their attention shifts to careers, Lin gren said, because they may feel as if they are neglecting their marriage. Brinkerhoff said many adjust ments arc necessary when a single career marriage becomes a dual-ca reer marriage because the spouse who has been working may find the added responsibilities at home de mand more lime than he or she thought. Both Lingren and Brinkerhoff said a premarital discussion that fully outlines individual goals and expec tations would eliminate much of the stress found in dual-career mar riages. Lingren said premarital coun seling programs like the one offered by the Roman Catholic Church and the Prepare program, developed at the University of Minnesota, may seem time-consuming to a couple busy with wedding preparations, but the long-term benefits are worth the time. He said he has copies of the Prepare program. DISCRIMINATING COUPLES ARE DISCOVERING ^ au-a*^cam I i 1. We guarantee over 15,000 hits will be brought on tape to each dance (all types of music from the 1930’s to the present). 12. Fifteen sound and lighting systems available each evening (high quality equipment including Klipsch speakers on most systems). 3. Professional disc jockeys who look sharp and will play requests. ;; 4. We work with you prior to the dance, to make sure your special songs are played and ice-breakers are used to get everyone on the dance floor. 5. We remain this area’s fastest-growing music show with over 5,000 successful ; performances since 1981. 6. Our competitive rate of $225 for five hours of music can’t be beat. // if —*7 ah ,/w^ MAIL IN THE FOLLOWING COUPON , FOR A BROCHURE... ——j ^ | NAME ---1 j | ADDRESS -1 j | CITY_STATE- ZIP-j J DATE OF RECEPTION___ Our 7th Anniversary Special Book Your Wedding Reception Music Now And SAVE $25 Off Our Regular Rate ■ ---- LMail To: AH-Amerlcan Music Shows, P. O. Box 37411, Omaha, NE 68137 ALL-AMERICAN MUSIC SHOWS • Call Toll Free 1-800-233-7763 _ | Jr ^ Talk religion before tying the knot I By Kari Mott Staff Reporter __ Religious differences should be discussed before a couple marries because they can prevent the pair from developing unity, several Lincoln clergymen said. Differences in religion are the main topic in premarital counsel ing, said the Rev. James Bauer, pastor of University Lutheran Chapel. Bauer said his general counsel ing to people of different faiths is that God wants a couple to be one physically and spiritually. He said it would be less ideal if the couple attended different churches on Sunday. Bauer follows a saying from the Bible: Don’t be unequally yoked to each other. He said he believes a Christian shouldn’t marry a non Christian. The Rev. Robert Vasa, a Roman Catholic priest, said the Catholic church doesn’t encourage inter faith marriages, but doesn’t pro hibit them. Vasa said a difference in faith can be a barrier to a couple’s unity. It is harder for aChristian and a non Christian to find unity than for two Christians who belong to different churches, because the two Chris tians share a common faith. “So often people underestimate the importance of faith in their lives,” Vasa said. Judaism prohibits interfaith marriages, said Rabbi Ian S. Jac knis of the Tifereth Israel Syna gogue. About 700 Jewish people live in Lincoln, and some are in interfaith marriages, he said. ‘So often people underestimate the importance of faith in their lifes.’ —Vasa “We have in our congregation some interfaith marriages,” he said. “I’m sure in the Reform congrega tions there are more.” Jacknis’ congregation is Conservative. Jacknis said, “If I had a couple in an interfaith marriage, I would talk to them about the problems of marrying outside the faith. I would present the Jewish position that is according to Jewish law. I wouldn’t reject them.” It is painful for couples to work religious differences out, he said. It is a big issue because religion is an approach to life. He said he would ask the couple if they could be happy and how their religious differences would hurtthe relationship. The Rev. Mark Randall of Cor nerstone-United Ministries in Higher Education said the general principle to interfaiih. marriages is how the couple’s faith enhances their ability to love each other. A question he asks is: Are we going to love each other as God lov es us? One problem interfaith couples must consider is what faith they will raise their children in. If a couple is married in a Catho lic church, they sign a promise to raise the children in the Catholic faith, Vasa said. If they decide to raise the children in a different religion, they should get married in that church, he said. Differences in faith cause con- | tinning problems, especially when children are bom,.Vasa said. He said couples should resolve their religious differences before they marry. Jacknis said what religion the children are raised in depends on whose religion is stronger. There must be some kind of agreement on whether the children will be raised Jewish, he: said. He said some chil dren in his congregation are not Jewish. Brides must have blood test Premarital AIDS testing proposed By Mike Kluck Slaff Reporter__ Licenses traditionally have been required to legally practice law, drive and get married. In Nebraska, marriage licenses have been required since the state was a territory in 1866. But a new clause may be added to this long-standing tradition if the Nebraska Legislature passes a bill that will be considered this session. LB928, which was introduced by Sen. Chris Abboud, would require all couples to present certification that they have been tested for AIDS be fore they could receive a marriage license. Similar laws already have been passed in Illinois, Texas and Louisi ana, and are before other state legis latures around the country. Abboud said the first reason for such certification is to let spouses know if their spouse has AIDS, and the second reason is to help the couple decide whether they should have children. Abboud said children can contract AIDS from parents who have the AIDS virus. Abboud said children who contract the virus usually die before they reach the age of 12. Under the proposal, couples would have to present a certificate to prove they had been tested for AIDS. The tests would be strictly confiden tial, and only the couple would know the results of the test. Now in Nebraska, women are required to have a blood test to show that they do not have rubella, a form of German measles. Blood tests for both spouses were required in 1978 to check for syphilis, but in 1983 the Legislature passed a bill that said men didn’t need to have blood tests for marriage licenses. From 1929 until blood tests were required, both partners had to present an affidavit that said both were free from disease. Besides having a blood test, both spouses must be at least 19 years of age to be married in Nebraska with out the consent of their parents. A notarized consent from a parent or guardian is required of applicants younger than 19. Susan Starcher, a clerk at the Lancaster County Clerk ’s Office, said no one under 17 can be issued a marriage license in Ne braska. Starcher said applicants must bring valid identification like a driv ers license or a birth certificate and S10 to apply. Starcher said it is easy to get a marriage license in Nebraska, but people need to be aware of certain facts when applying. Applicants need to know their mothers’ maiden name and birthplace, Starcher said. Women who are more than 50 years old or surgically sterilized don’t need to have a blood test, Starcher said. Starcher also said there is no legal common-law marriage in Nebraska, meaning that the slate doesn’t con sider people who have lived together for a period of time married. _____ B'ON’S >10 j t in igraphy Service I 475-01211