Finally, predictions that really matter:
Things that are sure to happen in ’88
Jan. 1, 1988, 12:01 a.m.
As I silently sat in a corner at
Perkins, observing the passage of the
old year, I meditated over the tradi
tional New Year’s dish, a Belgian
waffle, and tried to imagine what this
new year can hold in store.
After days of wracking my very
soul, 1 found the answers rather obvi
ous. It would have been easy to com
r.:. ... 111 "Vi,. j
pile a list of predictions by well
known psychics, even easier to have
made things up myself. But this is not
that simple.
Following is a list of things we all
know will happen in the Year of Our
Lord, nineteen-hundred and eighty
eight. Some will bcobvious, some you
may question, but if you look deep in
your heart, you will realize the truth
and inevitability of every item on this
list.
THINGS WE ALL KNOW WILL
HAPPEN IN 1988
1. Another Garfield book will
come out. It will sell a jillion copies.
2. 500 blocks of beautiful
fields, interesting architecture and
general character will be turned into
more tract housing and empty office
space (growth and development will
continue) in Lincoln.
3. The Association of Students
of the University of Nebraska will
pass a bunch of new resolutions, and
its members will say a bunch of things
aimed at improving this university.
Nothing will happen.
4. Another crappy Jackie
Collins book will come out. It will sell
a jillion copies.
I
5. The athletic department will
ask for yet another huge new building.
The stated purpose will be “worship
center for Moslem athletes.” For some
reason the floor will be covered in
Astroturf.
6. The Reagan Cabinet will be
hard at work trying to beat its old
record of screw-ups, scandals, embar
rassments, cancers and hoof-in
mouth disease outbreaks before it is
replaced with another Cabinet which
will try very hard to set its own records
in these categories.
7. Congress, the White House,
the presidential candidates and Bobo
the Wonder Dog will bitch and whine
about the federal deficits. Nothing
will happen.
8. At least three more stars wdl
release books on special diets and/or
exercises. Combined, at least 3 jillion
copies will be sold.
9. The diet (cat less) and exercises
(walk or ride a bike, take the stairs
instead of the elevator) you learned in
high school health class will still be
the best way to control weight.
10. David Lctterman will become
more Carsonizcd by the day.
11. The Lincoln Police
Department’s search for “Buffalo”
Bill Allen will end in a gun battle at
O’Rourke’s. Bill will express his sin
cerest regrets about the tragedy in a
letter from the Virgin Islands, where
he is a slave at the feet of Jimmy
Buffett.
12. Everyone in this town will
make a big deal and try to prove
himself or herself hip because of
David Letterman’s “home office,”
now supposedly based here. (This
doesn’t matter — sec No. 10.)
13. People will continue to throw
verbal and real stones at the few pro
gressive voices in this town and stale
(Ernie Chambers, Ron Kurtenbach,
etc.).
14. Super-rich celebrities will join
several limes to help end whatever
social problem is hip that month. In
the end, each will have given about .01
percent of his or her income, everyone
will go away feeling real good about
themselves, and those in distress will
be in the same hole, maybe deeper.
15. Michael Jackson will continue
his transformation. It will be revealed
that David Cronenberg’s film “The
Fly” was not so fictional; only the
names (Jackson) and the animals
(elephant and chimpanzee) were
changed to protect the weird.
16. Mars will explode. Its inhabi
tants will immigrate to Billings,
Mont., where they will not be able to
find work because of the new immi
. grant employment law — six arms or
no six arms. The Immigration Service
will round up all the aliens, but won’t
know where to deport them to. NASA
will be no help.
17. NASA will, however, have its
biggest success in a long time, launch
ing a ball of collected aluminum foil
from a huge slingshot made of a string
of rubber bands half a mile long. This
arrangement will guarantee against
explosion, but on the third launch the
bands will break, killing two and giv
ing one a nasty sting.
18. The Cure will get even worse.
(And more popular.)
19. The United Nations will move
closer to bankruptcy, proving it does
accurately represent and rcfleclall the
countriesof the world. They will try to
find some way out of it, probably by
selling Amway. This will probably
convince Congress to nationalize
Tupperwarc to reduce the deficits.
(Think of it: We allow women into
combat zones, invade weak island
nations like Grenada and force the
local populations to attend Tuppcr
ware parties.)
20. The UNL Good News will
continue to be fairly tame, even
mildly interesting to moderate Chris
tians, but with flashes of brilliant in
sanity such as Paul Harvey’s “If I
Were the Anti-Christ” (isn’t he?) and
their statement of objectives from
issue #1.
UNL students' films
to be shown at Sheldon
By Micki Haller
Senior Reporter
Four short films produced by
students at the University of Ne
braska-Lincoln are being paired
for the first time with feature films
at the Sheldon Film Theater.
“We have shown these films by
students before,” but now they
have been paired with feature films
so they can reach a greater audi
ence, said Dan Ladely, Sheldon
Film Theater director.
Ladely said students’ works
have been exhibited at the Sheldon
Art Gallery for years, and the film
theater has included student cin
ema ever since the art department
added filmmaking classes.
The series starts Jan. 20 with
“When Dead Eyes Open,” a film
shot, directed, produced, written
and edited by Daniel Hoffman.
Wheeler Dixon, a film studies
professor who supervises student
productions, said the film is a “one
person project.” He said it took two
months to shoot.
Dixon said the project, about the
conflict between primitive tribes
and contemporary society, was
chosen by a PBS independent film
series as one of the best student
films of the year.
Hoffman worked on an earlier
UNL film studies project, “The
Farm: Nebraska, 1986.”
“When Dead Eyes Open” will
be shown with “Tampopo” until
Jan. 29.
“Whose Kids Are These?,” a
punk-rock fantasy with script and
lyrics written by Geoff McMurtry,
runs Feb. 17-27.
Dixon said the film was shot
entirely at The Drumstick, one of
the premiere rock clubs in the
Midwest, before it closed last
August. Dixon said it is a slapstick
comedy about a night in the life of
a typical bar band as it prepares for
a disastrous gig. The band battles
groupies, an immigration officer
trying to deport the bassist and
inner tensions when the lead gui
tarist makes a play for the aggres
sive lead singer, he said.
The film was shot by Rick Old
erbak, who is now working as an
independent filmmaker in Los
Angeles.
David Stilwell directed and
Sean Newman was the lighting
director. Dana Ware was the assis
tant director, and Elizabeth
Snuttjer designed the costumes.
Dixon said the film made
people laugh when he showed it in
New York.
The film will run with “The
Mozart Brothers.”
“Milk and Honey,” produced,
directed and written by David
Stilwell, will be shown with “I’ve
Heard Mermaids Singing” on Mar.
2.
Dixon said the film was finished
just before Christmas, and this will
be its first public screening.
“Milk and Honey” starts out as
a simple story about a summer
picnic, then gradually becomes a
much darker examination of a
young man’s deepest fears.
Greg Kubitschck was the direc
tor of photography.
“Watershed” will also be shown
with the two films. The film, writ
ten and directed by David Boles,
deals with a young minister’s crisis
of personal faith.
Photographed by Kubitschck,
Dixon calls it an “extremely slick
production.”
The films will run at Sheldon
until March 12.
Eight-part series included
on ETV’s latest schedule
Television cameras
cover first 50 years
The world’s most influential me
dium will turn its cameras on itself in
“Television,” an eight-part series
probing the first 50 years of the
world’s “electric fireplace.”
The series, which begins Jan. 29 at
9 p.m., will examine the growth, his
tory, glitter and impact of the gigantic
global industry built around the small
screen.
The premiere program, “Live Pic
tures,” provides an introduction to the
series and a look at what television
perhaps does better than anything —
the live presentation of sports and
spectacular events, from royal wed
dings and presidential inaugurations
to space shots and political conven
tions.
Future programs in the series will
cover “Comedy,” “The Race for Tele
vision,” “The Power of Pictures,”
“Point of View,” “Drama” and “Fun
and Games.”
“Television” is broadcast with
closed captions for hearing-impaired
viewers.
‘Live from the Met\
Zeffirelli's ‘ Turandot'
Eva Marion and Placido Domingo
star in a monumental Metropolitan
Opera production of Puccini’s fairy
tale opera “Turandot” when “Live
From the Met” returns Jan. 27 at 7 p.m.
Glorious melodies, fantastic set
tings and powerful human emotions
abound in this Franco Zeffirelli pro
duclion of Puccini’s final opera,
which is sung in Italian with English
subtitles.
Set in ancient Peking, the 2 172
hour opera is the exotic talc of the
beautiful princess Turandot, who has
rejected love and cruelly slays those
who try to win her. Her suitors must
answer three riddles; if they fail, they
must accept the penalty of death. An
Unknown Prince solves the riddles
and awakens Turandot’s capacity for
love.
Conducted by James Levine, the
cast features Marton as Turandot and
Domingo as Prince Calaf, with Leona
Mitchell as the devoted slave girl Liu
and Paul Pliska as Calaf’s father,
Timur.
‘Frontline’ examines
fall ofPTL's Bakkers
Other upcoming programs of inter
est on the Nebraska ETV Network are:
• Benjamin Britten’s operatic ad
aptation of a provocative Henry James
story is recounted in the opera film
“Turn of the Screw,” starring Helen
Donath, Robert Tear and Heather
Harper. The musical drama, featuring
Sir Colin Davis conducting theCham
ber Ensemble of the Royal Opera
House, Covent Garden, airs Jan. 24 at
2 p.m. on “Great Performances.”
• The award-winning “Frontline”
series officially begins its sixth season
on Jan. 26 at 9 p.m. with “Praise the
Lord,” an examination into the rise
and fall of televangelists Jim and
Tammy Bakker. The premiere epi
sode focuses on why government
agencies failed to vigorously investi
gate charges of corruption in the
Bakker empire. “Frontline” is closed
captioncd.
• In the final episode of “Blake’s
Seven,” airing Jan. 29 at 10:30 p.m.,
the lawless planet of Gauda Prime is
seeking re-admission to the Federa
tion and bounty hunters arc appointed
to establish law and order. Could one
of them be the long-lost leader Blake?
Avon and the others risk everything to
find out.
• A uniquely American story of a
hundred years of progress which revo
lutionized health care the world over
is told in “Health Century,” a new
four-part series airing Saturdays at 8
p.m., beginning Jan. 30. The premiere
episode traces the story of microbe
hunters of infectious diseases, from
cholera to polio and AIDS.
Kimball Hall's performance series
opens 1988 with dance company
Kimball Hall’s UNL Perform
ing Series opens the new year with
a performance by one of the most
acclaimed new dance companies
quickly rising on the modem
scene. In its nationwide debut tour,
the David Parsons Dance Com
pany will perform at Kimball on
Jan. 23 at 8 p.m.
Dancer and choreographer
David Parsons, the lead dancer
with the Paul Taylor Dance Com
pany since 1978, has finally taken a
big step on his way to becoming
one of the brightest stars in the
modem dance world. The Parsons
Company began its new life well,
with a residency at Jacob’s Pillow
last August.
Just as he was with Paul Taylor,
who created many memorable
roles specifically for him, Parsons
is much in demand as a highly
acclaimed dancer. His dancing has
taken him to every continent ex
cept Australia. The expressive
moods he creates in his move
ments range from speed and wit to
a fluent lyricism.
What sets Parsons’ dances and
dancing apart is the intense power
of his work. In “Caught,” which
Parsons will perform at Kimball,
he dances in pitch black, illumi
nated only by short bursts from a
strobe light. Parsons gives his
audience an electrifying experi
ence when they watch a body
“caught” in midair by a brilliant
flash of lighting, then reappear
after a split second in another part
of the stage.
But Parsons is as much a chore
ographer as a dancer. Raised in
Kansas City, Mo., Parsons has
been inventing dances since the
age of 17. His works have been
created for such companies as the
American Ballet Theatre, the Paris
Opera Ballet, the Feld and Hark
ness Ballets, MOM1X, and Israel’s
Bat Sheva Dance Company. Par
sons has performed with both
Mikhail Baryshnikov and Rudolf
Nureyev, and he has also set for
them new works included in their
international tours.
A trademark of Parsons is his
ability to combine elements of the
funny, the beautiful and, at times,
the grotesque. His choreography
also seems to have a sense of satiric
humor. This undercutting irony is
shown in his dance “Envelope,” in
which scuttling, bent-over crea
tures clothed in black with black
swimming caps and goggles hurry
about, handing back and forth a
letter which never gets read and
which they cannot seem to get rid
of. The music by Rossini has a
slightly grandiose and epic mood,
which is contrasted with the hu
morous scurryings that take place
on stage. Parsons’ innate theatri
cality can be seen in “Envelope” as
well.
The UNL, Performance Series
event is made possible with sup
port from the Mid-America Arts
Alliance, the National Endow
ment for the Arts and the Nebraska
Arts Council. A half hour before
the 8 p.m. curtain, the audience is
invited to a pre-performance talk
in Westbrook Music Building 119.
Tickets are now on sale for David
Parsons and cost $10 and $8. UNL
students may receive a half-price
discount with a current UNL ID.
Photo courtesy of Sheldon Softer Management
David Parson's dance company will perform at Kimball
Hall Jan. 23.j
Good Grief.
_ I
Third Edition Mler Freund
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