Sneezy, liberal bike-lock freak
tells woes of undies and Republicans
The classic confrontation is not
between Coke and Pepsi, but between
me and my bike lock.
My bike lock has a mind of its own.
It laughs boldly as I try to unlock it. It
embarrasses me in frontof friends and
strangers. It follows me around.
Chris
Allerheili
It’s a daily struggle between me
and my bike lock. During the first
couple of days of school it would take
me at least 40 minutes to unlock and
re-lock my U-lock. This time span
gave many new people the opportu
nity to ask me questions like where
Bancroft Hall is located, what is the
average rainfall in Philadelphia, and
what is Bob Dcvaney’s mother’s
maiden name. I felt like I had “Infor
mation Booth” tattooed across my
forehead. My bike lock snickered the
whole time.
But it’s not as as embarrassing as
the time I sneezed in front of a Repub
lican.
A friend and I were bored one day,
so we disguised ourselves as Republi
cans and went to a Conservative
Republicans’ revival meeting (kind of
like an evangelist revival but scarier).
It was in a Best Western Inn with free
cable and adult movies.
My friend and I sat down at a table
near the podium so we could get a
good look at a true Republican to see
if he had pointed cars or fake chest
hairs.
The big moment came when a
round man with a dead animal for a
toupee approached the stand. My
heart was pounding faster than Vanna
White can turn letters. He didn ’t look
like the Republicans I had imagined. I
thought Republicans only wore poly
ester suits, bow ties and big black belts
to whip the Communists with. Much
to my surprise, he was wearing red
suspenders like Santa Claus would
wear. The fellow actually looked like
a nice guy. But then I remembered he
was a Republican.
The round fellow started talking
about Republican things I didn’t
understand, being the liberal that I am.
(I’m afraid of being blown up by
nuclear bombs. That means I’m a lib
eral). And then... I got this twitch
ing in my nose. I started wrinkling my
nose like Samantha on “Bewitched.”
And then — and then — KAT
COOOOOEEEEE! i sneezed all over
the place! Actually, I covered my
nose and sneezed mostly into my
hands.
I couldn’t put my hands down casu
ally and wipe them on my pant legs. It
was the kind of sneeze that is like
mozzarella cheese and gets all stringy
while bridging the nose and hands
indefinitely.
I think more eyes were on me than
the speaker as my table companions
(all 12 of them) handed me handker
chiefs. The Republican handed me his
toupee. One man handed me my bike
lock.
Moral of this story: Always carry
a handkerchief and always wear
clean, untattered underwear because
you never know what might happen.
Speaking of embarrassing mo
ments, just the other day 1 was in class
taking notes and knocked my soda off
the desk, sending Diet Coke fizzing
into the air like a geyser, drenching me
and the two rows in front of me.
What’s worse, most of the soda landed
directly in my lap, so I looked like 1
wet my pants. The next time I went to
class, no one would sit next to me
except a fellow with a raincoat. He
looked at me and smiled. I smiled
back. He stood up and opened his coat.
He was wearing nothing underneath
except my bike lock.
And Joseph Biden thinks he has
things to worry about.
Kevin, my favorite bartender at
Duffy’s, told me to leave you with
some words of wisdom (actually it’s a
recipe to lose all common sense).
Recipe: Kevin’s Long Island Ice
Tea
(One shot equals one ounce)
1 1/2 shots each of rum,
vodka, gin
1 shot tequila, Triple Sec,
Rose’s Lime, Sweet Sour
Add above ingredients. Then add
enough Coke or Pepsi for desired
color. Garnish with lime and bike
locks.
Rosen makes Saturday spectacular
with Kimball Hall performance
By Joan Rezac
and
Jann Nyffeler
Senior Editors
It’s UK) bad you can’t stomp your
feet and cheer at a classical music
concert.
Cellist Nathaniel Roscn’scaptival
ing performance Saturday night war
ranted that.
Concert Review
The Kimball Hall adventure began
with the delicate five-movement
Sonata in E Major by Valcntini. Starl
ing with the lullaby of the first move
ment and all through the evening,
Rosen and pianist Samuel Sanders
played in tandem, like true friends.
Rosen found power as he played pia
nissimo at the lip of the fingerboard.
I islening to the \ .ilentmi was like
kx>king at a pointillist painting by
Seurat or Monet — to appreciate the
occasional choppiness of the piece,
one had to relax and take in the whole
of it.
Rosen looked as if he were telling
stories w hen he played Grieg’s Sonata
in A minor. The ever-increasing in
tensity in the music was reflected in
his facial expressions. Midway
through the first movement, Rosen
had the audience. No one dozed, no
one fidgeted.
Tow ard the end of the movement,
the cello was a tad overpowered by the
accompaniment. Drops of sweat on
Rosen’s forehead were visible 10
rows back and the audience, equally
exhausted, applauded unashamedly.
The second movement, which
began with a beautiful piano solo,
maintained the intensity with walls of
sound. The bold melody, thoughtfully
executed, evoked images of ice skat
ers.
^ _
Rosen chose works for this pro
gram that went from one extreme to
another, showing the range of his tal
ents from quiet, delicate passages in
the instrument’s highest range to
powerful, smooth-flowing rampages.
During parts of the Shostakovich
Sonata in D minor, which truly show
cased Rosen’s talent, it seemed as if he
would saw his cello in half with his
bow. This work requires the utmost in
dynamic control — and endurance.
“Beau Soir’’ by Claude Debussy
was so wildly different from the rest of
the program. Simply, easily under
stood. Its songlike quality was a wel
come respite from the dynamics of the
rest of the program.
The last scheduled piece, Popper’s
“Dance of the Elves,” took off like a
stampeding herd of sheep, with Rosen
flashing more of his upper-range
wizardry. The elves could be heard
laughing, singing and dancing wildly.
Rick Somer, a junior art education major, spends part of an afternoon at the Art League Gallery,
Richards Hall 205.
Art League Gallery is ‘invaluable’
ART from Page 6
with the stasis of a photograph lodged
in the left-hand corner of “Begin.’’
In “Changing Opinion,”
Stensland's molecules are more scat
tered and confined to blacks, whites
and grays. Molecules in gradations of
black and white swarm around the
two, more centrally placed. Both
works generate vibrant energy from
the challenging multi-media compo
sition.
Shelly Fuller’s two untitled works
consisting of Polaroid photographs of
street barricades are less successful in
concept and composition. Although
she may have fell there was something
cleverly minimalistic and avant
garde about the spontaneity and gritti
ness of Polaroid film stock, there is
just something missing here, some
element of humor or sophistication
that might have saved this from sim
ply being insignificant. The second
untitled is slightly more interesting
thanks to the blurred motion of a child
playing in one of the barricades.
The three-dimensional work is
quite varied, but little of it is worth
mentioning. Jeffrey Anderson’s un
titled hermaphroditic clay megalith
combines male and female genital
symbols, but the dual sexuality has
been overused in organic abstract
sculpture and art in general.
Despite the rampant amateurism
m the exhibit, a gallery like ibis is
invaluable on a campus where much
quality formative work is often lost.
I TUESDAY WEDNESDAY I
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V ISLAM
JUPAISM
WHAT DO OTHER FAITH GROUPS DO ABOUT CONVERTING PEOPLE TO
THEIR CONVICTIONS?
WHAT DO THEY THINK ABOUT CHRISTIANS TRYING TO CONVERT
THEM?
A time for you to listen, ask, respond, learn, - and grow!
Tuesday. Sept. 29 6:30 8:00 PM CATHER/POUND/NEIHARDT COMPLEX
Piper Pit
1. "CHRISTIANITY 8. ISLAM"
SAMIR HUSSAIN - Iraq THE REV. JANE MCMAHILL ?
Islamic Foundation of Lincoln Northeast Community Church, Lincoln j
RABIH HADDAD - Lebanon THE REV. BRETT YOHN
Grad. Student, Mech. Engineering New Covenant Baptist Church, Lincoln |
COMING: Oct. 13 • "Christianity & Judaism" ABEL/SANDOZ
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