Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 23, 1987)
Thursday, April 23, 1G37 Daily Nebraskan Pago 9 66C 5? Considering Tin GiiU on G olle G3 what's so funny by geoff mcmurtry 7 i4 i Are you comfortable? Aulph. OK, good. All I can hear at the moment is this horrible, otherworldly whine of power tools, and my mind keeps conjuring up an image of a chainsaw grinding against the outside corner of the building. After a brief eter nity, the noise dies down, and he switches appliances. This new one has a much lower sound, which is probably caused by a much larger grindstone. There can't be much left of that tooth. Sure glad I can't feel this. I am strapped down in a comfor table recliner in a clean, pleasant office, and evil-looking electronic devices of unspeakable torture are being inserted in my stretched-open 1 mouths Also in my gaping oral cav ern i$ planted a rather remarkable device. The latest in dental tech nology, it's a big flap of latex called a rubber dam, and it undoubtedly seems brought to U3 by the people of Phillips Petroleum. Anyway, the big dam rubber thing is held in place by a variety of clamps or thumbtacks or something and apparently prevents broken drill bits or chunks of teeth from getting lost in my throat. Works pretty well, too. Every fashion model should have a picture taken at least once like this. Between bouts with the drills and lathes, the nice man torturing me scrapes the excess enamel from the underside of the roots of my teeth with a tiny whetstone and chats pleasantly with me and the hygien ist. "How far along are you school?" "Nochfaranufth." "I'm a sophomore." "Mmhm. You haven't been here in a while, have you?" "Nls. Ilslthorry." "Well, I had two tests last week." "Ah, 1 see. What are you study ing?" "Iono." "I haven't chosen a major yet, but it'll be something in medicine or health care." "Well, that's certainly an inter esting field, don't you think?" "Ohyefth." About now even the serious enamel is starting to wear through, and it's time for more power tools. Luckily, the terrible image of the chainsaw against the corner of the building is no longer plauging me. Now my mind is treating me to a memory rerun of "Marathon Man," and I get to be Dustin Hoffman. It's really a pleasure imagining I'm watching a seasoned pro like Lau rence Oliver work. Sure glad I can't feel this. While the nice man with the drills chips away at my teeth, the nice girl across from him has a vacuum stuck in my mouth so the smoke from the drilling doesn't set off the sprinklers. Luckily, the vacuum gets all the collected spit off the rubber dam thing, too. Ah, yes, at times like these a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of . . . uh oh, more scraping. I guess there was still some enamel left. It occurs to me that it might be simpler to let all my teeth rot away and inject my food with some sort of IV system, but before I can struggle out from under the assorted drills, rasps, picks and the dam rubber thing to suggest it, the nice man torturing me says we're done. That's it. It's all over. l1'. s Tom LauderDiversions Actually, it could have been worse. The sound of the drill drowned out that Starship song I couldn't get out of my mind. Thankfully, it's gone now, replaced by the much more pleasing sound of a high-pitched, metallic whine. In fact, now that I remember it, Death Wish III was much more excruciating. Truth be known, this took less time than an episode of "The Facts of Life," and I'm a better man for it. All in all, that wasn't so bad, now was it? IfoWELL ( ) T. VI April 16-18,21-25 and April 28-May 2 at 8 p.m. X.. W " MIDSUMMERJ Citizens K M Vt William Shakcspeari TICKETS: S6 StudentsSr. I S8 All Others (S4 Student Rush IS min. before curtain) its mh'-z. r jut.. . r.ii- iiniumitv Theatre Box Officef -7 ' TVI11C Ul vMi. r, -:-: r z s V - - . - l kit XOCfiOJlTfll 12tn & K Mreeis, uncum, n. "uj-"' 477.7073 Weekdays. Noon to 5 p.m. V-LJ University of Nebraska-Lincoln l. r -m. 'tv m 4. a m ri IT 1 "Experience the Best" Nebraska's First Technical College Excellent Placement 20 Minutes from Downtown Lincoln Active Campus Life Financial Aid and Scholarships 0n-Campu3 Housing n ilvord Campu s Air Conditioning Architecture Computer Programming Diesel Mechanics Electrical Openings in. . Electromechanical Manufacturing Engineering Technology Nondestructive Testing Industrial Welding & Metallurgy Summer Quarter Classes Begin July 9 We Could Be The Answer! Call Today! Tho r.'ilford Csmpus (402) 761-2131 or (CCO) 445-4094 (NE) X Order your cap and 'gmvn NOW! University Bookstore Lower Level NE Union ir City Campus Only April 2324 Bull . '8:34:30 p.m; -in. i v ) 1 1w-t Plaza Level City Campus Union - 472-7300 Garden Level East Campus Union 472-174S HOURS: Mon.-Fri. 8 AM 5:30 FM; Sat. 9 AM - 4 PM w?v-