Thursday, April 16, 1987
Daily Nebraskan
Page 7
Confe
By Charles Lieurance
Diversions
You rationalize.
The dormitory is one of the few
institutions in America where social
ism and communal living are prac
ticed The dorm is a cooperative
effort in which thousands of young
people, still shaky from adolescence
and a little oily around the edges,
are thrown into a situation where
people continually tell them to be
rational. To make matters worse,
they try to separate these trembling
sacks of hormonal discharge from
the vices that keep these discharges
at bay.
Selleck Quadrangle cruelly puts
little fire ramps between the boys'
and girls' halls. During the warmer
months the doors between heaven
and hell are wide open, but guarded.
Some halls try to dam up the hor
monal flow by drawing invisible
lines between boys and girls on the
same floor.
So much for the simplest and
cheapest way to keep hormones at
bay.
Of course, major-league drug use
is out of the question, whether liv
ing cooperatively or living out in the
world of individual needs, desires,
wants, passions, greed, avarice and
door-to-door solicitors.
Everybody from the first lady of
these United States on down to the
dorm-floor nark just plain says no.
Besides there is alleys the dsr.sr
of drugs making you hyperhormend.
No, alcohol is viqe that saves.
Outlawing alcohol &nd enforcing
that policy is like putting tele
screens in the rooms to nab those
who have long, intimate moments
with the palms of their hands at
night by candlelight. For the most
part, dormitories work. People don't
really mind sharing space with one
another. You're never lonely, and
most inmates don't really expect
you to be quiet while they study.
But outlawing alcohol is tanta-;
mount to outlawing tolerance. I'm
mms 23 (ootir wallop
ssions or a dorm cirmkei'
much more tolerant of others and
their annoying little quirks when
I've had a few beers.
The worst part is irfoving back
into the dorms after a few years of
free-form drinking out in the real
world. The move from drinking as an
improvised, on-the-spot thing to
drinking as art is a harrowing exper
ience. Selleck especially encourages
open drinking. There are those great
balconies disguised as flower beds
outside the second-floor windows.
The roof is easy to get onto from the
fire walkway, and there's a senti
mental view of the whole campus at
night from the west windows.
It's hard to be sneaky when all
you want to do is buy a bottle of
Night Train Express, take out your
screens, crawl onto the balcony and
relax.
The police once informed me that
the thing I was sitting on wasn't a
balcony. My roommate asked him
why, if it wasn't a balcony, he wasn't
falling. Policemen rarely have an
swers for such fiercely logical ques
tions. Here's a list of some of the things
you can't do in dormitories with
alcohol. After 40 alcohol-related
write-ups on this campus, I assure
you I speak from experience.
1. Drinking with firearms. It was
. only a B3 gun, but when the student
assistant saw five inches, of Hei
neken bottle glass spread over the
floor target shooting), the broken
vanity mirror nd beer running down
the Tvdls, he didn't even bother to
-. tsk-wh&t caliber the weapon was.
2. Drinking and animals. Some
friends and I decided to go to Pio
neers Park and ride one of the
state's confined llamas back into
town. It was 10 p.m. By 10:30 we had
consumed a sufficient amount of
alcohol to form a parade of cars out
to the park. Someone told the police
what we were about to do. They were
waiting for us inside the park.
. Also, bringing geese into your
hall from the same . park is ill-
advised. Your S.A. naturally assumes
you're drinking if you're wrestling a
goose into your room.
3. Drinking and fun places. If
you're going to drink, the authori
ties would just as soon you did it in
your own room with the door closed,
the lights off and your lips and ste
reo quiet. You know, the way old
people like sex.
Places they'd just as soon you not
drink: the roof, the balcony, the
lawn outside, the furnace room, the
music practice room, the dining
hall.
Drinking at the Wick Alumni
Center is also inappropriate if you're
not wearing a suit and tie and sip
ping Zinfandel. While passing the
Wick Center one day I noticed a
crowd of people was drinking out
side the cement garden. I thought
that looked like fun, so I got some
friends, bought a six-pack of Old
Milwaukee and joined them.
Apparently the Wick Center is
private, or semi:private, property. A
very officious woman asked me if I
was renting the cement garden that
night.
We'd bought the Old Milwaukee,
so of course there went the rent
money.
4. Drinking and bunk raising.
Having a bunk-raising party in youf
room may seem like a very prairie
thing to do, like a barn raising, and
may seem well within the spirit of
, cooperative living. Unfortunately,
bunks are sometimes tricky things
to raise, and having 15 drunken
people running around in a 10-by-lO
space with saber saws, drills, ham
mers, lathes and all the other tools
from home is potentially dangerous.
Two human beings were injured
the night I tried it. One was hit in
the head with a hammer, and the
other was hit in the head with a fist.
The bunks wound up about a foot
and a half from the ceiling and
eventually collapsed, nearly killing
my roommate.
True stories are always the hard
est to take.
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&fc?;V.'.".
Dr, Paul
Ambulatory
Foot-Ankle Clinic
Says:
THINK OF YOUR FOOT FUNCTIONING VERY
SIMILAR TO THE FRONT END OF YOUR CAR.
: When your car's out of alignment
This tires wear out ; . r
Uneven stress is placed on the frame
The steering wheel begins to shake
Soon the car functions so badly, you can't drive it
THE MISALIGNED FOOT DOES THE SAME THING.
Pressures develop and trouble starts immediately
Bones move against bones
Ligaments become stretched
Soon the entire alignment of your entire body is faulty
SYMPTOMS OF FAULTY FOOT FUNCTION
localized foot pain
then bunions, corns, and calluses
before long, pain in the knees
hip pain, leg cramps t
back pain
and even neck pain-headaches
fatigue
YOU JUST HURT ALL OVER!
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Call Dr. Paul Klawitter and Associates at Ambulatory
Foot and Ankle Clinic for free consultation or exam
throuah the months of April and May.
We are not listed under podiatrist in the yellow pages Jj
but under physician D.P.M. (j
4418 Farnam
Omaha, Ne.
556-1599
ST f A
27th & Ccrr.husbf
464-1492
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to class wearing
your feet?
IClawitter
600 N. Cotner
Suite 116
465-0219
9.
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