The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, March 05, 1987, Page Page 11, Image 11
Thursday, March 5, 1987 Daily Nebraskan Page 11 II HARRAH from Page 10 star's groping hands. "Those little beads aren't Valium. They're part of my necklace!" Betty smiles. "Liz, honey, why don't you go out by the pool and eat the tofu sandwich the cook just made for you." Suddenly, Betty notices that Stevie has left the room. "Oh, Liz, we must find her!" she screams. The two both run outside as Liza sings "Life is a Cabaret" and starts to have a seiz ure. Liz and Betty find Stevie out by the pool, snorting Sweet and Low from a bowl that sits next to a pitcher filled with low-calorie macrobiotic herbal tea "Stevie, stop!" Liz cries, grabbing the star's mane of frizzed-out hair. "You must control yourself. Why, I stuck with Betty's program and look how slim, confident and graceful I've become!" Suddenly, Jerry Lee Lewis walks by carry ing his suitcase. "Let's go, Stevie," he says. "Let's go take the next flight to L.A. and go snort some good stuff." "Betty's eyes bulge. "And just where do you think you're going?" "Home." He grabs Stevie. "I'm tired of you waking me up at 5 a.m. just so I can run around the desert in sweat pants and be back by 6 for tofu, wheat germ and broasted bulgur toast." "Don't listen to him, Stevie," warns Liz. "You stick with Betty, and People and Us will both run cover stories on how you kicked the habit once you leave." "And you'll be yet another successful graduate of my center," adds Betty. "A center founded by me, because I too was once a Tinseltown tragic who needed help!" "And think of all the courageous tales you'll have to tell Mary Hart on 'Entertain ment Tonight,' " Liz says sweetly. "Yes," says Stevie as Sweet and Low seeps out of her nose, "Me, Stevie Nicks, a courage ous success story! And I'll even write a song about it." "Publicity is good for you," muses Liz. "And so is a macrobiotic diet," Betty smiles. "Now eat your tofu like a good cour ageous celebrity." I know it's rather morbid to laugh at Betty and her patients, but why not? She's parlayed substance abuse into a new form of PR an obligatory element to all that is Tinseltown. "Were it not for the extensive collection of Republican glass elephants, the sculpture from Brezhnev on the coffee table and the signed portrait of the king and queen of Jor dan," People magazine writes, "Betty Ford's home might be any wealthy industrialist's desert hideaway." Isn't it nice that Betty has such an unique abode to come home to after a hard day's work of treating degenerate stars? She needs rest if she believes what Lily Tomlin says in the play, "The Search For Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe." "If Andy Warhol was right about everyone being famous for 15 minutes in the future," she says, "how do we all plan to get admitted to the Betty Ford Center?" Betty, you'd better call the nearest con struction company and start expanding. iT4a I! II V Jclinck Manorial Concert with the support of the National Endowment for the Arts. FR SALOON SEMINAR AT: ZOO BAR Tund2y,Il2rch5,8:K)p2i playing music that goes from Each to Jelly Roll Morton 113V:;:rcckMu::cC:3. 472-3375 lift HSc:3 1 1 m - 5 pm, l&ndsy-Fndy ' lv,irsSij Uh.SjI ?sv!i Ct fYV 1 t c Z7 iujujuvu m . SWF ATC -I JK ) 1 Discus heavyweight fleece athletic cut sweatshirt. Includes a wide variety of national and mtermtionl university crests in assorted colors. Your chance to build a collegiate sweatshirt wardrobe at big savings. ,9? I v. J- V Adult Size S-XL Reg. 16.95 ONLY $JJ99 University of Hawaii University of Paris DePaul Washington Pitt Nassau Stanford Harvard Yale Italy Oxford and many more Don't Miss Levi's Week Only 3 days left! Levi's 501 Shrink-to-Fit Jeans Reg. 18.95 Special $J99 Plus many more Levi's on sale at great savings. x i ft v Si j ...outfitting you for the good life 1000 West "0" Street 4744366 Free Parking Regular Hours: 9to6Mon.-Wed.,Fri.,Sat 9 to 9 Thur.; 12 to 5 Sun.