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01
included
Daily Nebraskan
ih
By
Dave
Meile
Thursday, midnight. HBO,
ch. 26
"C.H.U.D." (1984) John
Heard, Daniel Stern
Any old bozo can tell you that
C.H.U.D. stands for "Cannibalistic
Humanoid Underground Dwellers,"
right? This film is not only a provoc
ative, environmentalist film but also
a compassionate look at the plight
of the homeless.
A bunch of slimy, unscrupulous
Nuclear Regulatory Commission-type
guys have been dumping toxic gruel
into the bowels of New York City.
Before you can say "MD 20-20," a
bunch of bag ladies and sterno head
transient guys become . . . yup, can
nibalistic humanoid underground
dwellers. It's every wino for himself
until an eccentric, sweaty soup
kitchen guy and a cop (an overact
ing guy in an Arrow shirt) uncover
the NRC's dastardly deeds.
Meanwhile, a reporter's wife pokes
around underground and finds a
dog's head on a meat hook. Naturally
she calls the cops and files a
mangled-dog-head report. Later she's
attacked in her apartment by a
C.H.U.D. with a stretcho-neck and
glowing eyes, but she promptly be
heads the little devil, leaving a
stump that oozes pus. A poignant
and uplifting film.
Saturday, 1 p.m.. USA ch.
17.
"The Loch Ness Horror"
(1984) Directed by Larry Buchanan
Once upon a time, in the 60s,
Texan Larry Buchanan made some
of the worst low-budget horror films
in the annals of film history. Shoot
ing on schedules of seven to ten days
with budgets sometimes as low as
$18,000, Buchanan churned out
inept, hilarious junk that left bad-horror-film
devotees slack-jawed.
Some of his immortal crap classics
include "In the Year 2889," "Mars
Needs Women," "Curse of the Swamp
Creature" and the legendary "Zon-.
tar, Thing from Venus." Sadly, "The
Loch Ness Horror" is not typical
Buchanan fare. Sure, it's rotten to
the core, but it's not as silly and
awkward as his '60s. work.
The flick takes place in Scotland
with lots of American actors going
overboard with the thrilied r's. The
"nessie" is a real freaky inflatable
thing with a dopey expression that
assy Eye
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walks on land and shoots steam
from its nostrils. The giant dino in
front of Sinclair station stations is
scarier.
I think the real problem here is
that Buchanan spent way too much
on this film. It cost $40,000. If
there's any justice in the world,
somebody will write a book on LB. If
you can sit through this flick, you
have what is known as "bad-film
stamina."
Saturday, 10 p.m. and 2 a.m.
USA, cha. 17
"Damaged Lives" (1933)
Dia ne Sinclair
I don't know where the USA net
work is getting these creaky old sex
and drug-exploitation flicks but it's
commendable, as most are quite
obscure and considered so hope
lessly archaic that they're rarely
shown on TV. This one's about the
shame and misery of veneral disease.
Saturday, 10:30 p.m. KPTM,
ch. 9
"Twelve Angry Men "(1957)
Henry Fonda, Lee J. Cobb
Quintessential Henry Fonda. An
excellent social drama that tries to
explore the old "prove beyond a
shadow of a doubt" notion. Twelve
jurors cram into a sweltering delib
eration room intent on convicting a
young Hispanic of murder. Fonda,
typically, is the dissenter who has
doubts and patiently and fairly tries
to convince the others of the possi
bility of the defendant's innocence.
Great performances by everyone in
cluding Jack Klugman, Lee J. Cobb,
Ed Begley and Jack Warden.
Sunday, noon. WGN, ch. 2
"Sherlock Holmes in Wash
ington "(1943) Basil Rathbone
During WWII the film industry
constantly was trying to boost
morale, so they decided to bring Sir
Arthur Conan Doyle's great charac
ter into the 20th century so he could
outfox Nazis. It makes no difference
to me since all the old Holmes films
are clever and Rathbone is the best
Holmes ever.
In this one, Holmes has to obtain
Thursday, February 26, 1937
and decode some microfilm hidden
in a matchbook cover before the
Nasties get it. George Zucco and
Henry Daniel are great as the bad
guys. Watch the ending where
Holmes and Watson ride in front of a
bogus rear projection of Pennsylva
nia Avenue and give the obligatory
patriotic spiel.
Sunday, 3 a.m. WGN, ch. 2
"Up in Smoke" (1958) Dem
Bowery Boys
1 dare you to watch this. Re
member all the compare-and-con-trast
papers you've written here at
UNL? Well, compare the 1937 clas
sic "Dead End" with the Dead End
kids to 1958's "Up in Smoke" with
the later version, The Bowery Boys.
The problem is that they're not boys
and Leo Gorcey, who was usually
crocked during many of the later
films, had left by this time, leaving
only Huntz Hall. Hall, looking wrinkly
and tired, tries to act like a dumb
15-year-old. Messrs. Schwalb, Bernds
and Ullman (creators of those epic
Three Stooges films) are absent, so
even Larry, Moe and Curly fans
won't laugh. The plot is immaterial
because it's always along the lines
of: Huntz gets hit on the head and
can read minds, Huntz drinks some
funny face and gains the strength of
a thousand men, etc. I dare you to
laugh.
Conclusion
Next week, WGN, ch. 2, will be
showing three "Planet of the Apes"
movies at 11:30 p.m. I don't like to
brag, but well, I've been through
two "Ape-A-Thons" here in Lincoln,
one at a drive-in and one at a mod
ern indoor theater. I came out of
each one walking semi-erect and
ready to write a master's thesis on
Roddy McDowell.
An ape summation: the first ape
film is good; the second, not bad;
the third, pretty silly; and the fourth
and fifth feature guys like Paul Wil
liams and John Huston as apes.
Sheesh! The wienies at WGN are
only showing the first three in the
ape series.
