Page 16
Supplement to the Daily Nebraskan
Monday, December 1, 1986
J
FRESHMEN & SOPHOMORES
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NOW OPEN TO
ALL MAJORS
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CONTACT LT. KNUDSON AT
472-2475
OR IN THE M&N BUILDING
'Deck the halls with boughs of folly. . .
It's here. That time of the year when
people lose all their practicality, sanity
and income.
The Holiday Season.
I love Christmas, New Year's and
Hannukah. What other time of the year
can you see people act so plastic and
phony? The "Christmas Spirit" makes
us act cordial to those we hate
and imbues our souls with levity, forc
ing us to loosen the grips on our work
load and our purse strings. At Christ
mas time, we feel that we must sluff off
at work and buy gifts, cards or cookies
for everyone who has ever breathed
Scott Harrah
within a one-mile radius of our humble,
loving human selves. If we don't care
for a co-worker or a neighbor, we feel
that it is our Christian duty to at least
buy them something. So instead of buy
ing the cranky old woman next door
some $300 trinket, we send her a batch
of terrible homemade cookies. We have
to. After all, we have to spread "Peace
on Earth and good will towards men
. . ." (and women, too, in these liber
ated, nonsexist times.)
We also have to sully the tasteful
veneer of our homes with every cheap,
gaudy Christms decoration imaginable.
The Christmas season is the only time
you'll see something as tacky as tinsel
draped over anything and everything.
During the rest of the year, the only
people who find tinsel and glitter
desirable are prime-time soap stars
and drag queens.
made in Taiwan. Hell, Orientals don't
even celebrate Christmas, but they
sure manufacture enough plastic and
aluminum trees for the Western world.
And after Christmas, people put their
artificial trees back in the closet, if
they have a real tree, they just throw it
out with the trash. What about the
rights of poor, cut-down trees that have
to die just for some ridiculous ritual?
Don't those picked-upon pines deserve
a little peace and good will, too?
Then there's the umpteen holiday
"specials" on TV. Why do they have to
preempt all those fine, quality shows
like "Dallas," "Dynasty," and "Hee
Haw" just so we can see such seasonal
fare as "The Raggedy Ann Christmas
Show," "The Paul Anka and Joey Hea
therton Las Vegas Holiday Variety Hour,"
"The Dolly Parton Old time Tennessee
Christmas Special" and "The Joan Col
lins Christmas in Monte Carlo Show"?
If it wasn't Christmas, who in their
right mind would sit and watch Joey
Heatherton and Paul Anka singing a
duet version of "Here Comes Santa
Claus?"
song, bet we'll listen in December to
Muzak versions of "0 Come All Ye
Faithful" and "Santa Claus is Coming
to Town" turned up extra loud in stores
because merchants feel that it'll put us
in the "spirit" and we'll waste even
more money we can't afford on Ronco
Veg O-Matics and other items of its
type.
The plight of the pines
And what about Christmas trees?
Why do people insist on cutting down
poor, innocent trees just so they can
put them in their homes and create a
fire hazard that drops dry needles all
over the carpet and becomes the cat or
dog's new favorite thing to urinate on?
Some people are even tasteless enough
to buy those cheesy artifical trees
Lies and lettuce
The season is also the only time of
the year when we feel that it's neces
sary to lie to our children. I cried when
my mother told me the shocking truth
about Santa Claus. For years I'd been
setting out milk and egg nog for Santa
and lettuce on the front porch for his
eight tiny reindeer. Then I found out
that for years my father had devoured
the cookies and had swilled down the
old nog after I'd went off to dream with
sugar plum fairies dancing in my head.
And Mom had always went out to the
front porch, scooped up all the lettuce
for Donner and Blixen and had tossed it
into the trash. Oh, the injustice of it all!
Perhaps the most irritating aspect of
Christmas time is all the terribly cheap
"Christmas music" we are subjected to
in shopping malls and businesses. In
June, we wouldn't dare pay attention to
some atonal Muzak version of a bad pop
Babs and Goodyear
My father has to own one of t he larg
est collections of Christmas music in
the state. Ever since I can remember,
he has collected all the paltry Christ
mas albums the Goodyear and Fire
stone tire companies have ever made.
I'm not sure if those two companies
still put out Christmas albums, but
when I was young Dad always brought
home tire company compilations that
featured all those lovely chauntesues
like Ethel Merman and Barbra Streisand.
"But Barbra Streisand is Jewish!" my
mother would com plain when she heard
that good old Babs was on Dad's new
album. "How can she sing 'We Three
Kings' when she doesn't even believe in
the true meaning of Christmas?"
"Because Babs is into Christmas for
the bucks like everyone else," I always
wanted to say.
The Christmas season is the only
time of the year when people suddenly
decide to become good, church-going
souls. Those who wouldn't dare wake
up early on a Sunday morning to go
hear some preacher drone on about
good and evil decide that it's their duty
to wear their finest red and green
velvet holiday duds and go waltzing off
to church to see little kids in cheap
looking angel and shepherd get-ups
who put on laughable "Christmas
pageants" for their adoring parents.
"Oh, doesn't little Susie look abso
lutely darling in those wings," the
pie-eyed moms coo as their little ones
stand up before the congregation and
sing "Away in a Manger" in off-key
tones. .
See HARRAH on 18
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We call it the Macintosh -Write Stuff"
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Plus, you'll get MacLightnmg,
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with options for
thesaurus, medical or legal dictionaries.
Together with your favorite Macintosh word,
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What's more, there's a Macintosh
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Complete with all the things you need to
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you've graduated.
Let us show you how to get through
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V
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COMPUTER SHOP
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n. r. . ,. , Richard WrightDaily Nebraskan
Christmas decorations are starting to appear around town.