Thursday, September 11, 1986
Page 10
Daily Nebraskan
Muskrai
Love
By
.Charles
Lieurance
The rock 'rV roll mad hatter is a
respected figure.
Jira Morrison established his cult
of necrophiles through a sanguine
personal life and his penchant for
writhing and "wallowing in the Dion
ysian" while on stage.
Hasil Adkins, rockabilly loony,
used to leap onto car hoods during
drive-in movies and blare trumpet
(!!!) based country blues at the
necking couples. This was Texas in
the early '60s. Hasil Adkins is a
legend now.
Ozzy Osborne eats birds.
The Muskrats,Tom Freeman and
Jay Kosen, play hard rock tunes aqd
cover Anne Murray's "Snowbird" on
a souped-up acoustic guitar and a
washboard. They think rock is dead.
To prove it they pour gasoline on
their washboard and light it on fire.
Screamin' Jay Hawkins was hauled
onstage in a coffin.
The Muskrats have finally turned
themselves over to me for psycho
logical evaluation. Apparently, the
famous Minnesota Multiphasic Per
sonality Inventory is a little like the
ark of the covenant to psycholo
gists, and it took me a long time to
come up with one for my excursions
into that fine science. Those in the
know are afraid, someone might
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misuse questions like, "1 cftcn must
sleep over matters before I decide
what to do. Sometimes. Most of the
time, All the time. Never." If it fell
into the wrong hand civilizations
could tumble, careers could be ru
ined. The average man on the street
should only be confronted with such
puzzlers as "Often I cross the street
in order not to meet someone I see"
when in the presence of a profes-'
sional.
I finally managed to come up
with one of the beasts through the
psychological black market. Some
deranged Freudian with a chip on
his shoulder sold me one in a park
ing garage.
The Muskrats were more than
willing to submit to testing. Per
haps years in bands specializing in
the sort of weirdness most people
flee from, the Omaha synth joke
band The Better Beatles (Jay was
drummer), and Tom's band Incu
bus, for instance, have rattled them
enough to seek help. But help sought
them.
First, a case history:
The Muskrats hung around Omaha
for about four years before they left
for the paisley pastures of San Fran
cisco, seeking fame, fortune, an
audience, clean underthings . .
Now, their album. It's an appar
ently sane effort. Acoustic guitars,
Kingston Trio vocals straight out of
early '60s Greenwich Milage, cover
of a Dylan tune, cover of a tradi
tional Negro spiritual. . .it all masks
something rodent-like, the cornered
Muskrat crying for help. But there's
"Snowbird" tucked into side one, a
Freudian slip as it were, a glitch in
the Rorschach, an inadvertent con
fession of instability.
Live, the world is their institu
tion. Not unlike the plays the Mar
quis De Sade used to perform for the
inmates of the institution he was
incarcerated in, Muskrat live shows
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send the audience into either fits of
catatonic disbelief or manic bedlam.
"Johnny was a schoolboy
when he heard his first Muskrat
song ..."
. So it begins. Uh-oh, here it comes.
"We've got a thing that we call
Muskrat Love , . ."
Geez. Jay Rosen has his guitar
pinned to the dance floor. It's like
all-star wrestling. It's trying to get
up, but, oh, a quick blow to the
neck. The guitar's stunned. But it
starts screaming again, twisting . . ..
1. Once in awhile I think of things
too bad to talk about.
Jay: Not too often.
Tom: Yeah. But it doesn't stop me
from talking.
2. Evil spirits possess me at
times.
Jay: When I'm thinking about
things too bad to talk about.
Tom: On stage.
3. My soul sometimes leaves my
body.
Jay: Only on TV.
Tom: Is it that obvious?
4. 1 have not lived the right kind
of life.
Tom: It is that obvious.
Jay: Who says I don't?
5. Sometimes I tease animals.
Jay: Especially turtles and slugs.
6. 1 would like to be a nurse.
Jay: Yes. And be nice and tease
slugs.
Tom: I would like to be nursed.
7, Often I feel as if there were a
tight band about my head.
Jay: I've never been in a tight
band.
8. 1 do not worry about catching
diseases.
Tom: Only spreading them.
9. 1 have the wanderlust and am
never happy unless I am roaming or
traveling about
Jay: Unless I'm asleep.
10. Someone has been trying to
poison me.
Tom: Yes, and they succeeded.
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Jay: My own car tried to poison
me. ,
1 1. The top of my head sometimes
feels tender.
Jay: See Tom.
Tom: Every time I get close to
Lincoln.
(Note: Last time the Muskrats
played at the Drumstick In Lincoln
their van crashed on the Platte
River bridge by Ashland. Tom's head
was split open in the accident, and
his shoulder was dislocated. The
van was totaled. Jay was unharmed .
("Physically, Tom adds). According
to Tom, they have returned to prove
a point.
12. There are people who are try
ing to steal my thoughts and ideas.
Tom: Yes. I pity the fools.
Jay: What thoughts and Ideas.
13. 1 believe my sins are unpar
donable. Jay: Pardon me,
1 4. It docs not bother me particu
larly to see animals suffer.
Tom: Quite the contrary, being a
muskrat and all.
15. 1 believe there is a devil and a
hell in afterlife.
Tom: We've got him in the van. We
captured him.
Jay: Ask the experts.
16. Sometimes at elections I vote
for men about whom 1 know very
little.
Tom: Yeah, it's true. If I like the
sound of their names, it's the least I
can do. I always do the least I can
do. - .
Jay: I don't know anybody.
17. 1 can easily make other peo
ple afraid of me and sometimes do
for the fun of it.
Jay: Who's afraid of me? I'll tell
you who. The slugs are afraid of me.
18. I have numbness in one or
more regions of my skin.
Tom: Doesn't everyone?
19. Someone has control over my
mind.
Tom: Yea. It changes from night
"Theology for Lunch" is co-sponsored by:
UNL Religious Studies Program
Lutheran Center-UN L
St. Mark's on-the-Campus Episcopal Church
United Ministries in Higher Education, Lincoln
to night. Tonkat someone in Utah
m control of it.
20. I drink an unusually large
amount of water every day.
Jay: I do, too.
21.1 liked "Alice in Wonderland"
by Lewis Carroll.
Jay: I like Alice Cooper.
Tom: I'd like to have Alice In the
van. ..-
22. I get all the sympathy 1
should.
Jay: No or. 3 should feel sorry for
me. I'm in one of today's leading
rock bands.
23. Peculiar odors come to me at
times.
Tom: Like a magnet.
24. At times I hear so well it
bothers me.
Jay: A long time ago. Now, I'm in
one of today's leading rock bands.
25. 1 forget right away what peo
ple say to me.
Jay: What?
26. I hear strange things when
I'm alone.
Jay: Hunh?
Tom: Or when I'm with someone.
27. 1 very seldom have spells of
the blues.
Jay: I very seldom have spells at
all.
Tom: I use reds more often.
28. Horses that don't pull should
be beaten or kicked.
Tom: And we're just the band to
do it.
29. I used to have imaginary
companions.
Tom: I have Jay.
30. 1 believe that a person should
never taste an alcoholic drink.
Tom: You won't taste it after long.
Is gasoline included?
31. 1 am fascinated by fire.
Tom: As long as it's not in the van.
32. 1 am a special agent of God.
Tom: Gadsooks.
Jay: Everybody else works for
K.A.O.S. Now I'm going into my cone
of siler.ee. J