Thursday, January 23, 1986
Intramural
in season's
For the past few weeks most of the
sports world has waited with eager
anticipation for Super Bowl XX. They
also waded, with less anticipation,
through a glut of Super Bowl news sto
ries, so I won't write another one.
Tliosc of us who can't find a bookie
wlin hasn't been busted have turned
our attention to a popular campus
version. The highlight of the sports
season to us is, of course, intramural
basketball, which started this week.
Judging from the large number of
!cams participating this year it is
hloius that intramural basketball is
Irjmiiely a campus favorite. Many of us
s.n iil'ice our rigorous study habits one
,mhl a week to engage in this athletic
endeavor.
I play, along with six fellow Daily
V'braskan staff members, for the Los
( ojunt's (irandes,
CP Bill
j( Allen
Why Cojones?, we've been asked? It's
a strange and fascinating sloiy. One
night, while sitting around on my pat io
drinking tequila from empty Camp
bell's soup cans (I'm a fan of Andy
Warhol), we revealed to each other that
as children we all wanted to be mar
auding Spanish conquistadors. Imagine
that, seven guys from different geogra
phical, cultural and religious back
grounds all wanting to rape and pillage
small villages in their youth.
Since all of us have flunked Spanish
at one time or another we're not quite
sure what our team name means. How
ever, we have narrowed it down to large
boxes, a dozen eggs or big testicles.
We'd appreciate help from Spanish
majors.
Last year the Cojones won one game.
The team we beat had a point guard
who looked like "Sat urday Night Live's"
Larry Bud Melman. There is no indica
tion this year will be an improvement
since we have not practiced since last
season's finale.
That's why the luckiest team in
intramural basketball this week is the
dreaded Phil's Team. They are our first
opponent in this young, still hopeful
season. Against them we will test our
manhood, our dreams, and how many
fouls we can get away with. The main
losers vs.
first foaske
test is whether we can all run up and
down the court for an entire game.
I called the captain of Phil's Team,
the mythical Greg Feldman. He wasn't
home, but his roommate and team
mate, Brian Varvel, was.
I wanted to know just what kind of
team we would face at 7 p.m. tonight in
the hallowed arena of the Men's Physi
cal Education building, There is Ho
admission fee because no one wants to
watch the fiasco anyway,
No one, it turns out, on Phil's Team
is named Phil. The illusive and myster
ious Captain llivg came up with the
name, No one knows how or why. The
legendary Greg remains a mystery to
the Cojones.
Phil's Team is tall and (days an
inside-oriented game, Brian said. Which
is fine with us. We're short, but like to
play inside, too. It's dark and cold out
side this time of year and finding a
lighted outside court is bard anyway,
These guys did not have a team last
year so, unlike us, they don't know how
bad they really are.
W e do have one major advantage over
Phil's Team. They don't have team
nicknames. We do, The Cojones are
David "Smooth as Cream" Creamer,
Mike 'Our Lad" Roil ley, Mark "Bongo"
Davis, Greg "Slick" Kersten, Gene "The
Slammin' Machine" Gentrup and Chris
"Savage" Welseh.
I'm, of course, called the 'Fridge.
Brian said the unavailable Greg was
the tallest player on their team. The
tallest player on our team, "Savage," is
the spitting image of Drago in "Rocky
IV."
When I told Savage he would be play
ing Captain Greg, he quoted his stone
faced hero from the popular movie; "If
he dies, he dies."
Brian is a graduate accounting stu
dent from Hay Springs. He said mostly
Phil's Team is playing for fun. So are
we. And believe me, we're funny. Usu
ally we only score while the other team
is laughing at our last mistake.
And like us, Phil's Team, Greg said,
is just a bunch of friends getting
together to play. That is the spirit of
intramurals and the main reason I look
forward to each season. The Cojones
gave up dreams of winning the trophy
after our first game last year, when the
referee told us no, both teams staying
at one end of the court and using the
same goal would not make it easier for
everyone.
But we play every game like conquis-
Daily Nebraskan
Page 17
hil's
ball
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Letter
A few words to a losing team
tadors. We sweat like conquistadors
and we smell like conquistadors. After
each game, we drink like conquistadors.
So a hi ho arriba to all you basket
ball players, and good luck this season.
The Cojones don't need luck, we need
points.
Hasta Luego.
Editor's note; This is not a
regular series about t he Cojones'
season. Just in ease you were
worrying.
Allen is a senior English majorand Daily
Nebraskan Arts and Entertainment editor.
This letter is in response to the arti
cle about the Nebraska basketball
team's 68-67 loss to Missouri ("Huskers
Collapse," Daily Nebraskan, Jan. 20).
In it is a quote from Moe lba which
says, "That's a tough ball game for
those kids to lose. There's nothing you
can tell a team after you lose a game
like that."
Well Moe, there's plenty. How about:
"Guys, we were out-coached, just
like every other game we've played in.
We practiced before we were supposed
to, and we still can't run a good in
bounds play or break a press. No one on
our team can bring the ball up the floor
because I won't allow anyone but Briar
(Carr) to do that. My ti 10 center scores
23 points a game, but that is because
no one else is allowed t o shoot,
"Guys, I could go on and on, but
there just aren't enough hours in a day.
Maybe it's time for me to move on."
Dan Wingard
senior
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