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A SUPPLEMENT TO THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
Monday, December 2, 1985
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A modern-day 'Christmas Carol'
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CAROL from Page 4
"What do you think? 'Oklahoma'
with Gordon MacRae every weekend."
"Buy why... how?"
"Seems Doc Tom couldn't attract
top players because there wasn't enough
money for NU's renowned underwater
basket weaving major. The animal tricks
major had to go next. The cream of the
crop went to Oklahoma and Iowa."
The governor stuck his face into the
spirit's armpit and sobbed, pounding
his fists on the solid chest. "Let this be
a dream, please I never knew."
The spirit deposited the now dejected
governor home with a brisk pat on the
back. The governor held his head in his
hands and waited for the last spirit.
The spirit seemed to float into the
room. He was cloaked, and carried a
deflated football under his spindly
arm. His face could not be seen, but
glasses glimmered under the hood.
"Come," the spirit ordered.
"Who are you? I must know." The
governor pulled back the hood before
the spirit could respond. "Why, you're
Don Wesley."
"No I'm not," the irritated spirit
said, pulling his hood back on. "I'm the
Spirit of Budgets Future, and I'd
appreciate it if you would shut up. I'm
not supposed to say anything."
The two flew to campus and into the
Temple Building to a theater class. No
teacher was at the front of the class.
Instead, a flickering, small black-and-white
TV showed "Gilligan's Island" at
a loud volume. The students were
enraptured.
"What? No more Shakespeare? No
Terms of Endearment?' " The spirit
nodded yes, and the two flew to a resi
dential house in the suburbs.
Inside, a raggedy Bob Crachit, who
looked like NU President Ronald
Roskens placed a magazine in front of a
Tiny Tim, who looked like ASUN Presi
dent Gerard Keating.
"Time to study for your literature
class, Tiny."
"Not Tiger Beat again, Dad," the boy
whined.
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"Your uncle Bob said we couldn't
afford expensive profesors who teach
fancy books. The legislature family
agreed, so just study and do the best
you can," Crachit said.
Outside, the governor grabbed the
spirit and shook him. "No, no, no ...
don't let this happen spirit! Please, I'ii
be better, I promise."
The spirit then led the governor to a
graveyard.
"Why are we here?"
The spirit pointed to a grave. The
epitaph said:
Here lies a governor cheap
who slighted education's keep
and just reward he did reap
The governor fell, crying. What
seemed like minutes later, he woke in
his bed. A new day was breaking.
"Oh. Am I too late?" he cried. Look
ing out the window, he spotted a pap
erboy. "Hey boy, what day is this?"
"It's the start of the new Legislature,
guv'nor. Didn't you know?"
"Here's a budget increase for good
ol' NU, boy . . . run it to the Legislature
before it's too late and here's some
money for your education!"
"Gee, thanks guv'nor!" the boy said
as he went running to the Legislature
with the proposal.
Well, Virginia, you know the rest of
the story. The governor became con
scious of the importance of education
and lived until he died.
What's that, Virginia? Another fable?
Not tonight, little one. I'm going to
watch "Christmas on Gilligan's Island."
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