Pago 14
Daily Nebrrskan
Monday, September 30, 1985
ecord, video rating doesn't go far enough
Last Christmas, Joe Ordinary bought
his six year-old niece Buffy Ordinary a
new Sesame Street record album call
ed, "Heavy Metal Muppets".
When he returned home at Easter he
was shocked to see sweet little Buffy in
torn and dirty jeans and a rock concert
t-shirt, wearing three bandanas, 22
crosses and 36 pounds of chains.
Chris
McCubbin
Buffy's mother tearfully relates to
Joe the sordid story of the proceeding
three months. It seems that since
Christmas Buffy's life had been a whirl
wind of dissapation, involving sex, drugs,
streetfights and culminating in Buffy's
being initiated into a satanist cult.
The reason for this tragedy? It seems
that Joe's innocent gift to little Buffy,
unbeknownst to him, contained por-
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nographic rock lyrics. Now Buffy is
trashed for life and might as well be
put out of her misery.
"Oh, woe!" moans poor Joe 0. "If I'd
only known!"
Well now, friends and neighbors, Joe
can know.
That's right. If a group known as the
Parents Music Resource Center gets its
way, rock albums will have to carry
warning labels on the album jacket if
they contain the kind of trash that's
likely to turn Our Little Darlings into
booze-guzzlin', pot-smokin', dirty, hairy,
smelly, commie, prevert punks!
The PMRC's rating system is very
specific. Rock songs with dirty lyrics
will get an X rating. Those with violent
content will get a V, occult songs will
get an 0, and soiigs dealing with drugs
and alcohol get a DA.
And that's not all. The PMRC wants
to label videos as well. The warnings
would appear in the corner of the
screen and stay there for the entire
video.
This system will work fine when
mom is around. I can see some prob
lems if the kids are alone. (Johnny to
his little sister: "I'm gonna go read a
comic book. Let me know if a X or V
comes on.")
My one reservation with the PMRC's
system is that it doesn 1 go far
enough. It's great for the kids, but
what about us grown ups?
I propose three more categories. If a
song is likely to insult the intelligence
of an average adult, give it an I. If the
video is boring, give it a B. And if it's
cliche, please, please, let us know in
advance with a C.
Think of it. You're sitting at home
watching MTV when a C appears on the
screen. You decide you don't care to
watch somebody wrecking cars or tip-
Sing over tables, so you go get a soda.
Tien you get back a B is on the screen.
You prefer not to watch a midde-aged
head singing a ballad in black and
white, so you turn off the TV. When you
get your nerve up to turn it back on, you
see B, C, I and you smash the tube before
Lionel Ritchie can get on the screeen.
Of course, the most hard hit bunch
under my system will be the heavy
metal boys. Since about 93 percent of
heavy metal videos qualify for all nine
classifications ( B, C, DA, I, 0, V, X),
the average Ratt video is going to come
out looking like an Alpha-Bits cereal
commercial. In fact, there probably
will be so many letters on most heavy
metal videos that you won't even be
able to see the band.
And that, my fellow Americans, is
the best reason I know for rating
videos.
'Blue Turtles' is Sting at his best
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STING from Page 13
"We Work The Black Seam" is an
overly earnest song against nuclear
power and for miner's rights. It's fol
lowed by "Consider Me Gone," a pop
tune that would be the album's most
forgettable cut if it wasn't for 'The
Dream of the Blue Turtles," a short and
unncessary instrumental.
Things pick up with "Moon Over
Bourbon Street," another fine, goofy
song. It could be called "Vampire's
Blues." The arrangement on this song
is interesting. It varies from a slow New
Orlean's blues on the verse to a kind of
spooky minute on the chorus. This is a
fun song.
The album closes with "Fortress
Around My Heart," the album's second
(and better) single release.
This is a surprising and different
album. It should appeal to everyone
from jazz buffs to Pink Floyd fans. Try
it, by all means.
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