Monday. April 1, 1 CCS
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Bob-dad announces new
domed f-bali stadium
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By
Athletic director "The BebLther"
announced Monday that a r.2.v domed
stadium will be constructed In what is
now considered ths middle c-fmaln city
campus.
The stadium la being built for no
other reason bat to make "Nebraska
football the most cutrrsous In the
country," the BcbJjthcr e-ld.
"We don't really need a totally new
stadium, so we're locking t thi3 as a
basic in-your-face move to ill these
students and teachers who thought we
were being unfair about our Inking
table and computer facilities," the
Bobf&iher said. ;"
"We think it's criy rit that we
' shew you Just how unfair we csn be if
we wanna. So thur."
The stadium will be built ever the
space now occupied by en area stretch
ing from the Selleck quadrangle to
Avery Hall. What the building won't
take up will be parking space, the Bob
father said.
The stadium will cost ever I2C5 mil
lion and Include a hugs training table,
an indoor restaurant for alumni and
supporters cr.ly, cfHces for the, entire
men's athletic department, a private
pool, siur.a and basketball court and a
private theater so "we r.ey watch films
cf cur glorious triumphs in luxury," the
BobMher said.
' The Bobfather lasted heartily when
asked where classrcom space would be
re located to.
"How should I knew?" he said as he
pounded hi3 fists on his desk with
delight
' ' TJae Gazmcxtino Eianaes wrestling twiras'in actiazi et the Bafcfiathcr Sport end Van Cdissom
-last weekend. GLty en bottom. .
Coach More Iball adding 'Roman
! element' to Shucker B-bail
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mmwvta&i vami tunoay wiucn.oiien resulted in ine brothers .beekeeping, the Sammartines p,
to wrestle wun me zmcmt wrestling; -piummeiins each- other relentlessly, pursue a Career in professional
we wuz cut dere," Spike said. "But da done everything together. I just couldn't
Spiker hers wanted to come to U-N-cf-L bear to see them split up."
'cause I like cowa.' " . . Once thev finish their .-'cbHsdata
Siamese twins .Spike and Oily Sam.:. .After weeks cf heated discussion, careers'and receive their 'degrees' in:
l&n to
I wrestl--
team rext year. -.the Sasmtsrtinos iinally agreed .to. ins.
i nere quite a pair," Shucker Coch attend Nebraska. 'Wd make one heck of atagteara,"
Boob Beers said. "They never lost a .' "The'boys axe so close," Hilda," the Oily said. "We could double-team cur
match in high school and I expect 'boy's mother said. '"They have always opponents through the whole match."
wens 10 seep in ai me iij-pcuna slot -'
and stick the living hell out of eifery-- i"
may in tne eonience.
The tains, who are joined together at
&$222-says coaching columnist
ing' Kansas, Kansas' State, .Slippery . ' , ..-. .. . ,
Eoek, Nevada Las Vegas, Colorado and ' So Nfmka lost it's aecond-round which was handed down from his 1m-
Nebrasks, . -NIT Pt? pe. In tMe-words cf the mortal father, Sank. Eat, despite the
They, took recruiting trips to each cartoancharaeter Garfield, '12a fat, record, the tern did have fen and
school and "par-tayed like crazy at hairy deal.".. ' pkjed Mr games and that's 'what
every one," Oily said." After my last column, I woke up and counts. After all, it's not whether you
After the trips, the twins were split smelled both the coffee and the roses, win or lose, it's how you pky the gasie.
on their dedslon about which School' ta . I have Come to the conclusion that Hi hof . - " '
attend.
'More must stay,'
I By Pobopo Assraissisig-
' EtrnfTCcacHi
. Some Shucker basketball fans carry
on as if winning and losing meant life
and death, if Nebraska coach Here
Ibali has his way, next season that will
be reality.
The revamped "Husker Shootout"
will insure some Shucker fans do lay it
on the line at Shucker games. From
now on, any fan caught yelling insults
at the Shucker players or Iba'l will be
apprehended by security .and given a
lottery number. If the Shuekers lose,
thereby justifying the fans' screams,
'. then Iball will spring for a free dinner
at the Ccrnshccker Hotel for the num
ber holder.
But, if the Shuekers win, the winning
(or losing) lottery ticket number holder
will be led to center court, where a
group of trained commandos will
promptly shoot him or her to death.
that Nebraska does not have room for
two major sports. Our houses are jsm
med with Big Bed cups and footballs,
and we have no room for any more
Nebraska bumperstlckers en our cars.
- What would we do with a winning
More Must Stay.
Nebraska basketball fans should scold
Oily wanted to go to Vegas 'cause Granted, -Nebraska waa 16-14 this year, Iball for allowing Rave Hopping to
he liked all them dancun' girls when underlball's legendary coaching sle, come here.' After all, everyone -knows:
iD 13 J!3
Ass:missing
.Waliy::--,;;,;
W sleBe P.
HIT "r
LJ2y ..... . . ' J
". S
' f - V r ' - -f
to ' ' ltVk I
basketball team? There's no reason to
' pour millions of dollars into the basket
ball program when we can use the
money for football. Sooner or later
we're going to buy - er win a
national football championship.
"I've already talked this over with
the rifle tesm and the Lincoln S.WAT,
organization. I think they're excited
about it," Iball said. "We've still got
some kinks to work out, but I think
we'll be O.K. by the time Bernini State
rolls in next November." '
Ibtll said the shooting was a "little
drastic," but how eka could basketball
fens really put their all into a came? .
Tr-'des, they'll have a chance. Wrs
not gonna tie 'em up or anything We
I Al. tf .1 . XI I
involved."
Iball said one of the kinks was how
to meke sure, the rifle teems didn't
of offending fans. '
"This vriil end a lot of crap we've had
to take lately," Iball said. "Thb wcy, we
find cut who the resl Shiicksr t:n rrn.
and, at the same time, offer fee most '
exciting ticket in the country.' Viicre
else cffla voa a ftutA hll tr,A
live execution in the same place?"
Good grief, let's get back e'a track
v.lth Iball. I was wrong when I s:id we
should play toigh teams daring the.
non-conference schedule. Every team
plays patsies, so why should we .exert .
ourselves. More works hard enough out '
there just yelling at his playera aad'
SQuattbu: near the bench.. V1.v should'
he have to worry about" beating good
teams? Ihai's h the woods. .
A high school ccaeh I once knew told
me, "You get paid whether you win or
More .will get paid anyway, but 'I'
want ffms to band together and give,
him a break for the sake of Go Big Eed
football, apple pie and the U.SJL -Hi
ho! More must stay!
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