r-
:i2
.!,,, ft
fill 'i"iMllTiiH" H
h ,(ur; (i Is Oh nil . : .
FM1:
- if i r: ; si
9 T I V.W JP&K AM I., K
r alfass.
That's our name tr.J our game.
The iditorial bored was just sitting around trying to smell
our own feet this ntorrdRg while reading our daily doss cf crybaby
liberal pocp in the reader mail, when we came across a real
gem. It was sort cf like finding a diamond ring while clearing a
camp latrine with your tortus.
The gem was a poem. Fcr us, it was srr.ils amidst a sea cf hostile
faces. It sap whit we've been trying to szy fcr hours, though we
ccuhl net find the words. Without further ..:, we'd like to pass
the peers like a glistens onto you, cur beloved and bclea
gured readers.
A fascist In ckcMng sea
Called for hilp cr.d presently
Received in Ml Intercity advice:
"Ssaesne nrt dla if yea vodd be,
Frsten&y breeds eqsmliJy,
Eat ths peer cad you'll be free."
Ttits nice," be edi,
Asad sunk Ms teeth
, Into a cadaver Rsracd Fred.
Ahia CEdpiasaSi
The letter went on: (i.e. ease old csaaibalist
poop that has clrocys worked.) YT&ea Abla etid "Est
the poot," be wsa jekir., but be really td a fceod
ides. A geed poor person, properly snicked, is like a
s?d barbecued rib. The rzzzVs testy, especially right
around tbe knee and ankte j shits, akaosga yoa kave
to work to get it. And the fibula ar.d pelvis benea make
greet plirt hungers.
We'd like to thank "Alvin" fcr his insights, and we encourage
other readers to vent their hostilities and ungodly yearnings
toward us.
Of fecal jtamess
mm sww fsuriis
M'WI WW A? r '
-j'sv ' n i-A - i ' A -A-
I i
o
S Philosopnical finding ferments false phlegm
Sorority girls driving to class? Fat people getting fatter? ANUS
election scandals breaking wide open? Wooly animals sport
- ing fecal harnesses and students openly purchasing con
traceptives? This campus is going to hell in a handhasket. And we're mad.
We can handle the contraceptives and the sorority girls driving
to class, but obesity and scandals really get our goats. Too often
the two go hand-hvhand. What's happening here at dear old NDL is
no exception.
As dark as things may seem, there is yet hope. We at the Daily
Halfasskan have some good solutions. First, place fat people at the
jn rphe "Eat the poor" list. That's just likely to scare the ones
Wasn't eat into losing weight.
And take the fecal harnesses off the sheep and put them where
they belong on the ANUS senate. They'll soon forget about
scmdals.
ike an exhalation of recent atmos
, phere, this annum's debacle over the
New Right s involvement in the cur
rent trend of eno-conservative sorority
females to motor to lectures has necessi
tated a re-evaluation of the classicist sem-
rim
Bogsrs
inal work of Geoff Beringfrute's "Socio
neuropathical Impulses in Sorority Fe
males and Lee Iaccoca: A Study."
Beringfrute's work indeed turned out to be
something of what I would label as truly
philosophical in the seminal sense.
Evidence of this highly disturbing trend
can be found in Hole Soretoe's truly
hyperbolic article about the phenomenon
in today's Daily Halfasskan.
The question we must put forth on our
selves to discover the underlying theo
rums lurking with outspread grapnels
within the dark and dusty urinate of logic
is: What to do about it?
First and foremost, we must reread Ber
ingfrute for bits of wisdom on this scintil
lating and gastroncmical dilemma.
Here's one new: "(A) sorority female,
upon driving her automobile from point A,
a sorority domicile located a scant half
mile from point B, the university lecture
edifice, became agitated when she real
ised the Freudian-Lockian implications of
the odyssey she was undertaking, veered
off the traditional road, per se, and into an
unsuspecting herd cf off-campus bicyclists,
mashing them under the rubberfiber
glass orbs known in colloquial circles
as tires; hence proving the secondary remo
val of the inherent evil present in sorority
females driving to class; that is to say that
besides the obvious physics! debilitation
involved, and net to mention the wasted
natural resources including petroleum
and aforesaid orbs, the pressure of exis
tentialist crises that necessarily mil occur
when the realization cf what is happening
does happen, this is a bad thing." Thus
spake the master.
The New Eight is, of course, deeply
involved in the crises, and who can blame
it? With the blatantly biased liberal press
at large there can be no depending on its
secular humanist accounts and no telling
what on can zealously say or defend in
one's column. Hence, per se, I can only
conclude that this, dear readers, is the
ephemeral and exactly propitious place to
end this essay.
tt it t! if Daf
in Mi asslcM
EDITOR
GENERAL MANAGER
PRODUCTION MANAGER
ADVERTISING MANAGER
ASSISTANT
ADVERTISING MANAGER
CIRCULATION MANAGER
NEWS EDITOR
CAMPUS EDITOR
WIRE EDITOR
COPY DESK CHIEF
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
SPORTS
EDITOR
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
EDITOR
NiGHT NEWS EDITORS
GRAPHICS EDITOR
ASSISTANT
GRAPHICS EDITOR
PHOTO CHIEF
ASSISTANT PHOTO CHIEF
PUSLICATIONS BOARD
CHAIRPERSON
PROFESSIONAL ADVISER
FEsii Cs'ch
Grain m
iziy
F!s5i Furiist
Jzti'.n P.lvsr
Cm Vthy U
Ran Rstan
Ths Di'ly HaSfasskan (USPS 144-C.S3) is published by ths
NUL Pu&lc Ecard wnsnsvsr tfia ff fc!s up to it.
Rsadsri a? gncouragsd to discount most cf what thsy read
end c&ll to ccmpSa'n m&MomUy. The public cfso can cenv
t3 th9 Pubis Board. For Information contact Fish Choke,
Hitmztsr. Thnm out ccs'e st m cm wsnta.
What do
link of sororii
class?
r
Television arts and
"I C'Salint jsst sun tip
IZJ fH2:l S.b3.t It In
ess esntcscs. Tfee iapli
tiEs are ccsnie,
C" urn 4 i 5
n
bst Jest bvcat hid tha
tiae, wtist tyita Ey fedjd
ciMsry csi c!I To fca
1S3 t.w
Gerry Atiislts
s?v ww isjt
m w tvi? 1h
cf tsn csnt J&;t vls
t it t: ..rj? ,i I 3 il : :p
t lirrr; t: r y
- ." -I