Monday December 10, 1034
Ads blemish Christmas
Dally Nebraskan
PagaS
era
MRS'
(uliseifflssioM shows
tumdlitioinis o commeraalisii
A nother Christmas season fa
L upon US. Sunday's Lincoln
J. ja. Journal-Star holiday advert
ising inserts outweighed the
newspaper itself by about four
ounces, according to an unoffi
cial measurement on the Daily
Nebraskan mail scale.
fr Chris
Burbach
Now, I know what some of you
are thinking "Whatever hap
pened to the real spirit of Christ
mas? It's so commercial nowa
days; doesn't anybody remember
what it's all about?" I thought
that once too, but after a little
research, I found out it's just not
true. Commercialism isn't a per
version of the Christmas spirit;
indeed, it is a tradition that pre
dates the first Christmas itself.
Here, once and for all. this
whining about Christmas mater
ialism will be laid to rest. Here is
the text of a discussion between
the three kings of Orient, pre
served in a cave for almost
two thousand years, and recently
uncovered as part of the astound
ing Dead Sea Scribbles.
The text supports the claim
made by the late great American
President Calvin Coolidge that
"The business of Christmas is business."
Of course, eince the manu
script is almost 2,000 years old,
I've had to fill in some blanks
eroded by time. (My additions we
marked by italic type.) This has
been done with the utmost
respect for the spirit of the ancient
work. My apologies to the
author(s) for any deviation I have
unwillingly wrought.
Three kings from Orient were
partying one day, riding their
camels, drinking mead and laugh
ing about the sorry shape of each
other's harems.
King 1: Your harem could make
a ship take a sand road.
King 2: Hey, King 3, what do you
call a good looking woman in
King 1 's harem?
King 3: don t know, what?
King 2: A visitor.
All three: Hahahahahahaha.
King 1: (pointing toward the
western sky) Hey, what's that?
Kings 2 and 3: That 's the western
sky.
King 1: No, there's a bright light,
and it's spelling something.
King 3: You're right! But it's in
English.
King 2: Of course it is, you camel
brain. This whole thing's in
English.
King I: It says "15 shopping days
til Christmas."
At thct moment, a bright
light surrounded the potentates,
the music of 1,000 harps filled
their turbans, and their camels
kneeled. The kings were made to
understand.
King 3: We Vc got to get to a shop
ping oasis!
Later, at the Mideast Park Plaza,
the kings stood frustrated at a
pomegranate stand.
King 2: 1 just don t know what to
get him.
King 3: know what you mean.
King 1: Just what do you buy for
God?
King 2: 1 suppose some Masters oj
the Universe dolls are out
King 3: Yes, and so are disposable
swaddling clothes.
King 2: How about if we just take
him some money?
King 1: Well..
King 3: If we threw in something
else, like frankinscense and
myrrh...
King 1: Frank and who? What is
it?
King 2: dont know, but it'll
sound good in a poem.
King 1: Well, at this point, I'm
willing to settle for anything just
to be done.
The kings bought the gifts and
loaded them on their camels, then
faced the light in the west, which
now read "13 shopping days til
ChiHstmas, "and sang their now
famous song.
All three: We three kings of Orient
are, bearing gifts we cross hills
and dales. We must hurry for we
worry that we'll miss the post
Christmas sales.
Division of University Housing
STUDENT ASSISTANT
Position for Spring Semester 1935
There are a limited number of openings for Women
SA positions for Spring Semester, 1D35. Students wishing
to apply must have a 2.0 accum., and must be at least
Sophomore standing as of January 1935.
Applications will be available at 1102 Seaton Hall
between 8 a.m.-noon and 1 p.m.-5 p.m. If you already
have an application on file, please come into the office
and fill out a new one.
Please call Sue or Jackie at 472-3335 with any questions.
GDQ
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EDITOR
GENERAL MANAGER
PRODUCTION MANAGER
PUBLICATIONS BOARD
CHAIRPERSONS
Chris Welsch, 472-1 76S
Daniel Shattil
Kitty Policky
Nick Foley, 476-0275
Angela Nietfeld, 475-4S31
The Daily Nebraskan (USPS 144-080) is published by the UNL Publica
tions Board Monday through Friday in the fall and spring semesters and
Tuesdays and Fridays in the summer sessions, except during vacations.
Readers are encouraged to submit story ideas and comments to the Daily
Nebraskan by phoning 472-2588 between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through
Friday. The public also has access to the Publications Board. For informa
tion, call Nick Foley, 476-0275 or Angela Nietfield. 475-4981.
Postmaster: Send address changes to the Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska
Union, 1400 R St., Lincoln. Neb. 68538-0448. Second class postage paid at
Lincoln. NE6R510.
Editorial
Policy
Unsigned editorials represent
official policy of the fall 1984
Daily Nebraskan; They are writ
ten by this semester's editor in
chief, Chris Welsch.
Other staff members will write
editorials throughout the semes
ter. They will carry the author's
name after the final sentence.
Editorials do not necessarily
reflect the views of the university,
its employees, the students or the
NU Board of Regents.
The gift of eyesight is priceless. To seek
care for your eyes on the basis of price is
cheating yourself.
Your decision should be centered on
trust, not nickels and dimes.
Thaf s Why people choose Pearle. They
trust us.
They know that although our prices are
competitive, we won't ever lower our
standards in order to lower our prices.
Before you risk your eyes to the tempta
tion of cheap eye care, think about what
you're gambling with.
( PEARLE
V vision center J
ImIWJ jfr liiwiU lifiuii m W&
1132 0 Strest
476-7583
C W83. Peorte Health Service. Inc.
r a i
WANTED: PEOFLE OH f&.
. . : I J ' : 1
TP-HE M AW t WU L-f
boil vvr&u KJU I
. n .
If you're in Advertising or Market
ing and can sell, have we got a
job for you. The Daily Nebraskan
is looking for a select few to
work on our Spring advertising
sales staff.
The job of Advertising Repre
sentative isn't easy. You can
expect to work around 25-35
hours per week. You must be
organized and responsible as well
as being goal oriented.
Pay is on a commission only
basis. Some reps have made as
much as $1000 in a month.
If you want a challenge, drop by
room 34 in the Nebraska Union
and ask for an application.
APPLICATION DEADLINE
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14th
AT 4 P.M.
IS
The Daily Nebraskan
Needs Your Help
pi
r
i-.
1
We're looking for a few good people to help us put out our high-quality newspaper.
As one of our staffers put it, the DN isn't just an adventure . . . it's a job. And
that's where you come in!
The Daily Nebraskan needs staffers for the spring semester. Reporting positions are
open in all departments: news, editorial, sports, arts and entertainment. We also need
photographers, copy editors and artists. Applications are available in room 34 of the
Nebraska Union, and will be accepted beginning Dec. 10th through the 14th. Please
sign up for an interview when you pick up your application.
You don't need to have a background in journalism to Work at the DN. Many staff
members aren't journalism majors. We hire on the basis of talent and enthusiasm, .
not age. Have questions? Call Chris Welch, editor in chief, at 472-1766. He'll be glad
to help you.
MTi Daily r
UNL does not aucnminais in its academic, admissions or employment programs
end abides by all federal regulations pertaining to same.
l-nr 3