Daily Nebraskan
Thursday, September 27, 1934
Page 8
By Chris Burbach
Daily Nebraskan Staff Editor
here comes a time when a
people must be freed from
the ball and chain of Wo
men of Nebraska, Men of Ne
braska, Garfield and unicorn
calendars. Such shackles must be
shaken and the people armed to
exercise that very fundamental
act of liberty that is freedom of
choice. In these troubled times
we have a rock, a provider, a
patron, a hero Captain Neb
raska! Faster than a beached channel
cat, stronger than a Cornhusker
water boy, more callous than
Grandpa's toe, able to insult whole
cities in a single sentence, Cap
tain Nebraska, alias Roger Welsch,
makes Underdog look like just
another capea canine.
His 1985 "Not Yet Nebraska
Calendar" is yet another feat of
derring-do in a long list of like
accomplishments, and with each
his notoriety has grown. In the
past, Captain Nebraska has had
to deal with folks offended by
their appearance in his, calend
ars. Now, he says, things are different.
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"Some people have been upset
because they aren't In," the Cap
tain said In an exclusive phone
interview. "It's gomg to be a status "
symbol if you aren't in Captain
Nebraska's calendar, you're noth
ing." The calendar predicts things
for 1985 that have never hap
pened in Nebraska and probably
never will. For example, on Jan. 6,
46,000 Hawaii fans migrate to
Nebraska for the Snow Bowl. On
Sept 18, Wyoming asks to be a
part of the Nebraska Panhandle,
and on Nov. 6, Roger Welsch is
featured in a Playgirl photo essay
entitled "Nude Nebraska."
Alongside siCh harmless,
obvious humor are a few biting
bits aimed at urban and rural
Nebraskans alike and everyone in
between, including Captain Ne
braska's peers. It seems no one's
hide is safe from Captain Nebra-.
ska's jaws.
On Nov. 23, the Mensa Society
initiates John DeCamp. The Lin
coin Police Department holds a
Husker Identification Workshop
on Aug. 22 and, in the same
month, the Ag Institute urges
farmers to forget profits and con
sider the future. On Feb. 28, Nels
Forde makes sense.
Acutally, Captain Nebraska
toned down the first draft of his
calendar. As he says, the calendar
on sale is a mild version of the
original.
"This isn't as dramatic as it
might have ' been," he said. "I
showed it to my lawyer and he
said'If you print this, there will
be some sucking of eggs.' "
"That's a legal term," the Cap
tain explained.
Several days of the year will
befuddle many psuedo-Nebra-skans
and leave outsiders com
pletely at sea. Captain Nebraska
admits that, but views it in a posi-
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tive manner.
"It's sort of a test to see how
much of a Nebraskan you really
are," he said. "If you understand
everything in it, you're a consum
mate Nebraskan."
While weekend Nebraskans will
have no trouble getting the joke
about Mike Rozier opening a
speed reading school, only tho
roughbreds will know why 0"Neil
High School adopting orange as a
school color is funny.
Both loyal and fair-weather
Nebraskans have bought the cal
endar. Its author says sales are
"alright."
"They're going like warm cakes;
sales have been whelming. I'm
constantly amazed by the number
of Nebraskans who can read. We
thought we'd take whatever we
have left and stand on the corner
and sell them before the last cou
ple of football games people
will buy anything red," the Cap
tain said.
The calendar cover is sturdy
red construction paper, sporting
' a drawing by Lee Cummins of the
author at his typewriter. A nifty
stapling job holds the work to
gether. Strong, straight lines
separate the days of each month,
all of which appear to be in order.
A drawing by Cummins illustrates
each month of the year. There are
even spaces near the back cover
to enter the horoscope crisis line
telephone number and mark the
date the first Mulberry poop is
found on your car.
If you believe what Reader's
Digest says about laughter, you
should prescribe yourself a dose
of Not Yet Nebraska. And if you're
not careful, you may get caught
laughing at yourself.
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Lincolnfest begins Friday with
a foodfest and breakdance contest.
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Lincolnfest to begin with breakdance contest
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Presents
and
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NOW NIGHTLY WITH TWO SHOWS!
Wed. thru Sat. at 9:00
HOLIDAY INN AIRPORT
475-4971
Lincolnfest began in 1975 as a
celebration of the newly complete
0 Street beautification project.
The prime motive of the Lincoln
Center Association and City of
Lincoln was bringing people down
town to view the 13th and 0
intersection's brickwork star and
the greenery of 0 Street. The fes
tival, called "Hog Wild," featured
free barbecued pork sandwiches,
and entertainment. Successive
years brought about small changes
of site and' activities, but the fes
tival always has been downtown.
Now incorporated, Lincolnfest
is an independent, non-profit
organization governed by an 18
member volunteer board of direc
tors. Lincolnfest is an annual cele
bration of life in Lincoln, an af
firmation of ourselves. We cele
brate our talents, skills, culture
and variety. Lincolnfest is the
only celebration strictly for Lin
coln to celebrate itself.
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