Tuesday, February 23, 1934
Pago 4
Daily Nebraskan
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71 .
u)0m sudiies ciiaiM mamy mil itm(s mirn wua
There are two wars carried on be
tween Iran and Iraq. In one people are
killed and towns bombed a typical
bloody conflict. In the other war, the
truth is butchered and morale is cither
lifted or lessened. It's the rhetorical
war.
The Los Angeles Times reported that
the Iraqui military command has
issued more than 1,372 communiques
in the war. Iran probably has issued a
like number.
Each of these communiques reports
another glorious victory for the issuing
country. Another factory bombed,
another successful push through enemy
lines.
During the last six weeks, I have
read at least one of these reports in
Reuter news items every day.
Typically, either country claims a
military victory. Then an hour or two
later, the other country says that no
such victory occurred: Indeed, they
had just smashed through the other
country's lines. It's impossible to tell
who is winning.
At the beginning of the war, about
3& years ago, Iraq invaded Iran.
Iraq intended to reclaim the east bank
of the Shatt al Arab, the waterway
from Basra to the Persian gulf, the
Times reported. Iraq relinquished the
territory in a 1975 border agreement
Neither side appears to have made
significant progress against the other.
Neither side appears to be able to
mount a campaign large enough to win
a meaningful victory against the other.
A meaningless war.
About 200,000 are dead.
Until I read the summary report by
the Times, it was conceivable to me
that the fighting had ceased. Only the
truth was being butchered every day.
Neither side appears ready to give
in. Both seem to be surviving economi
cally as welL Neither side appears
ready for any sort of settlement.
It would be much simpler and less
expensive to step up the rhetorical
war, than to continue the other one.
Each side could maintain hundreds
of propaganda troops to claim victo
ries and repudiate defeats. The news
wires could then simply report the
number of communiques issued.
Here in the U.S. of A. and over in the
U. of S.S.R. we already have a full-scale
rhetorical war.
I see our battle communiques every
day on the Reuters wire. The U.S.
claims the Soviets did this, or that, or
behave this way. Then the Soviets deny
and come up with their own claims.
So far no one has claimed casualties.
-Cliria Yelsch
3dS - Letters
Car towing addressed
The issue of night time towing has become a very
important and highly debated topic on the UNL
campus. We realize that towing of cars with out
standing violations at night may put students,
faculty, and staff in an unsafe situation, but at the
same time we recognize that the members of this
university community should be responsible for
paying their parking tickets.
ASUN has taken action on this controversy by
establishing an ad-hoc committee to look into alter
natives to alleviate this problem.
Until a viable alternative is found, the UNL Police
Department will continue to tow cars with unpaid
violations during the day or night. It is still the
responsibility of vehicle owners or operators to
abide by the present regulations.
To clear up any misunderstanding about im
poundment procedures, ASUN and UNL Police have
copies of the 1983 UNL Parking and Traffic Regula
tions available to anyone.
Present policy allows for impoundment (towing)
of vehicles with one or more violations left unpaid
after 20 business days, day or night. This policy is
clearly outlined on the back of the parking tickets.
The ASUN Ad-hoc Committee on Night Time Tow
ing is currently researching possible alternatives to
towing. Such alternatives include the holding of
class registrations, night time parking permits, the
education of all vehicle operators, and increasing
safety features across the two campuses. All alter
natives must be weighed in terms of safety, costs,
and effectiveness.
The ASUN Ad-hoc Committee on Night Time Tow
ing welcomes any suggestions of possible alterna
tives. We will meet 4:30 p.m. March 1 in the ASUN
office to discuss our findings to date, and recom
mend alternatives at the March 6 ASUN Senate
meeting.
Until another alternative is found, please don't
put yourself in an unsafe situation by not paying
your parking violations. You can contact the UNL
Police Department at 472-3555 to find out if you are
one of the 2,200 license plate numbers on the
impoundment list. Help us find a solution, and take
action before it's too late.
ASUN Ad-hoc Committee
, . ' on night-time towing
Mark Cross, Chairman
UNL 'inconsiderate'
I would like to comment on the recent develop
ment of the proposal of the Performing Arts Center
by UNL.
Is it conceivable that the business people effect
ed could have been informed by a better means than
television and newspaper? I will not attempt to
quote the newscast, but it went something like,
"Authorities say they hope businessmen effected
will be cooperative so they won't have to go the
condemnation route."
I feel that if UNL officials were really concerned
with the cooperation of the businesses effected, they
could have informed us of their plans before they
told the press. These plans do more than effect us;
they may change our lives. ; .
In my opinion, this is a sign of the constant and
consistent inconsideration of the university for the
residents and businesses of Lincoln.
Shelly Sweeney
manager
Dippy Donuts
Letters ccniizccd on Pass 5
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1934 CHICAGO tripling
SF7
5 L
Humans preserve ourselves
by building chemical resistance
I was in the kitchen building myself an excellent
bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich when my
daughter, Malphasia, caught me. -
"Daddy!" she cried with that disdain children
reserve for the sins of their parents. "Don't you care
about the EDB in that bread?"
"Not until a month ago, I didn't," I said, "seeing no
one had mentioned the stuff until then."
"And the mal.athion on the lettuce or the nitrites
rj- ; Arthur
ffif - Hopps
in the bacon?" she pursued relentlessly. "Here, at
least try one of my organic turnips."
I recoiled in horror. "Are you trying to kill me,
Malphasia?" I demanded. "Didn't you read the pass
ing last month of Oakleigh Ruff, the nation's
leading forager and sprouter and author of Fruits,
Nuts & You? He didn't look a day over 60 and he was
only 37. It was organic foods that did him in."
"I don't believe you," said Malphasia flatly. "
"Possibly not," I said with dignity. "But I presume
you would believe Dr. Appleton Shote, the noted
agronomist. Would you like me to tell you of his
recent experiments as reported in The New Jersey
Journal of Medicine? Ox would you like me to cut off
your allowance?"
Well, it seems that Dr. Shote (I informed a sulky
Malphasia) had been knocking off laboratory rats
for years with one new chemical additive after
another, each more lethal than the last.
Suddenly, he realized the incredible scientific
error that he and all his fellow researchers had been
making: Each new chemical was ingested by a group
of rats who, unlike human beings, had never ingest
ed a new chemical before!
"So what?" inquired Malphasia, obviously egging
me on.
So Dr. Shote attempted to duplicate in the labora
tory rats the same conditions we humans have
undergone: First, he gave them a taste of red dye No.
1. Then he added a hint of a hint of cyclamates, a
touch of saccharin. Finally, he hit them in sequence
with 24D, DBCP, PCB and BYOB.
The results were amazing. In six months, the rats
looked younger and sleeker. All had taken up jog
ging, break dancing and aerobic I Ching. On the
other hand, a control group fed on nothing but
organic tofu and mung beans was listless, pallid,
balding and suffering from the heartbreak of un
wanted facial hair. ' .
"That doesn't makesense,"said Malphasia. I asked
if she would allow me to quote from Dr. Shote's
conclusions or would she rather clean her room?
"In conclusion," concluded Dr. Shote, "we see here
an obvious example of natural selection. Human
beings who ingest chemical additives regularly, as
most do, build up a tolerance to chemical additives
just as insects do to insecticides or viruses do to
antibiotics. v
"But pity the poor consumers of naught but
organic foods. Sooner or later, they will unknow
ingly and inevitably ingest some new chemical. Hav
ing no immunity, they will quickly expire, thus clear
ing the human gene pool of their strange, inbred
health theories.
"Thus, through chemical additives, we are devel
oping a tougher, hardier strain of human beings fit
to survive in a chemical-deluged world moreover,
a strain with increased longevity. For what better
way to preserve this aU-too-mortal flesh than with
artificial preservatives?"
I knew that this saga of an incredible break
through on the frontiers of modern science would
stimulate Malphasia's insatiable chidlike curiousity.
It did.
"Can I have my allowance now?" she asked.
U:4, Chronica Put:!;h!n3 Co.
