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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 24, 1984)
Daily Nebrcskan Friday, February 24, 1934 rt f1 o r1 if i i V-- I .J f ' 1 ! I , V Pago 10 riers 5iorz with no sex but a lot of violets Wliile Celeste, Otis and Harlcy get tans and votes in historic New Hamp shire, Mike and Chris have cheerfully volunteered to fill in. Unfortunately, they couldn't think of anything to write. So they dug through their thick files, and came up with a paper they wrote for a 10th grade b iology class. It is with a certa in sense of pride and nausea, then, that we present: ' Mike Fro 0 n Chris Burbach DHl "Dslie" Err.ct The Father cf Photosynthesis Bill "Duke" Ernst was born to foster parents in the year 1877. Even as a tot, young Bill had an insatiable curiosity about how plants got their food. "How do plants get their food, Dad?" young Bill asked his father, the Honor able PJ. "FiHer Up" Ernst. PJ. sternly replied, "None of your business, kid," and duked him. That day, Bill Ernst not only earned a nickname, but gain ed an obsession. At the age of 12, Bill stuffed his mother's African violet, in his under wear drawer, where it died. When his mother found the plant, she duked him, not understanding that the boy was a budding biologist. Having found the rigors of experi mentation at home too painful, Bill ran away in search of a more liberal atmos phere. Bill found out quickly that independ-. ence takes its toll, so he signed on as a printer's apprentice in Milwaukee. "What'd you do, kid, run away from home?" the printer asked. "Yes, Pm looking for a liberal.." The printer duked him, as he would many times during Bill's employment. "You say liberal again, kid, and IH wash your mouth out with ink. Ya' got it?" When he was 17, young Bill bought his own African violet. He spread ink over all its leaves, and the plant died. "Hmmmm underwear and ink. What's the connection?" mused young Bill. The progress he had made spurred Bill to continue experimenting and studying. He spent two years alone in his one-room laboratory apartment. Finally, one rainy February night in 1901, Bill decided to leave his one room hovel. As he was walking down a rain-swept street, the answer finally occurred to him. "Photosynthesis!!" he cried. "Gesundheit," responded a passer-by, as he duked Bill. 41 Ross mountain bike, S months old. less than 100 miles, $200 or make offer, 474 5731, Chris. ' Very nice, large 3 bedroom apt. One , and one-fourth bath, shower, air. 19th & A. $340 plus utilities. L. Simmons, 475-1865. 1978 Pontiac Sunbird 2-door Sport. Low mileage, great on gas. 477-8422. Nice old book and magazines for sale t North East Holiday Inn Saturday, 10-8; Sunday, 10-4. WtLLOWHAVEN APARTMENTS 1820 1842 Knox Street Sharp two bedroom units. Woodburn ing fireplacestove. Energy efficient, close to either campus, carpeted, all appli ances, pool for summer use. Deposit, no pets. 475-6200 Manager Joseph Kean Co. 474-1666 . 19S6 Ford Fairlane 4-door, automatic transmission. Excellent Condition, 468-4363. FOR SALE: green sofa with matching ;chair, $75 for set. Gold sofa. $50. Even ings, 466-7529. DUCKSriGHAf.1 CQUAH2S f pscious two bedroom, two bathroom apartment. Close to UNL Campus. New carpet heat paid, modern appliances, please call for an appointment. Julie, 477-3869. - Fender Telecaster Custom Guitar; Sun burst, with hardcase (10 years old) $300. Also Fender Bronco Amp (35 watts). Call 468-1880. ' 75 Porsche 914,2.0 "1 Fun Car" 475-7671 after 5:00. One and two bedroom apartments in good University location. $185-$225 per month. Central air, laundry facilities and off-street parking. 467-2371 weekdays, 8-4:30. LPO Notice of Sale of unclaimed bicy cles and miscellaneous property Feb. 25th at 10:00 a.m. 410 West P. By the Property Division. No Checks Accepted. BETWEEN CAMPUSES Three four bedroom house. Over 1800 square feet BIG!! Only $360month. 464-0558. One two bedroom apsrtment, fire place, panne: $s!2S & electricity; 17th & C area, 475-2o-50. Bryan Nursing School Uniform. Size 7-8 with lab coat and extra dress, hardly worn. Save over $40 from original price. 456-5331 for Pat. Soon, Bill's theory appeared in top scientific journals, as well as Crean magazine. However, the public didnt understand Bill and his crazy theory of photosynthesis. "Photosynthesis is the work of the devil," an angry detractor cried. "What do you mean?" Bill asked, a bit too naively. "The sun doesn't need to provide plants with nourishment. God pro vides them with nourishment. The sun is hot. Hell is hot. Photosynthesis is a tool of the devil!" Bill duked him. "Two can play this game," he s?id, a bit too naively. Years of controversy followed. The famous Scopes-Plant trial, with its sen sationalists newspaper headlines of "Well IH Be a Sun of a Plant" took its toll on Bill's spirit. In a desperate attempt to draw attention to his cause, he rented a room on the 12th floor of a Milwaukee hotel. He opened the window and stepped out on the ledge. , A crowd soon gathered. Cries of "Don't jump!" and "Save him!" could be heard in the streets of the city. A minister stood in the hotel room and tried to talk the frantic biologist out of his death mission. "My son, wait. Ill believe you." Bill tufned and grasped the kind man's hand. "You'll believe in my life's work, the theory I left my home and foster parents' to discover, the only reason I've gotten up from the dukes of fate and kept living?" "Sure son, what is it?" Bill spread his arms and smiled for the first time in 17 years. He inhaled deeply, then yelled "Photosynthesis!" The minister's duke hit Bill flush on the nose and sent him spiraling down to the hotel garden below, where he was impaled on an African violet, another martyr to science. Madmen and Ennliohdons . t U.S. Army ROTC 2 and 3 year scholar ships which pay for tuition, fees, flat-rate for books and $1,000 per yar are availa ble. 2.5 GPA, 17-23 years old. male or female. Call Captain Johnson. 472-2468. Students for sales repof custom screen printed garments, gl&ssware and engrav abie items. American Love Affair 464-8101 Full andor part-time Job after collepe. Eligible sophomores and juniors with two years remaining at UNL can attend the U.S. Army ROTC Summer Basic Camp near Louisville, Kentucky or take summer classes to qualify for training that can lead to an officer commission as a 2nd Lieutenant in the Army or Army Reserves. Contact Captain Johnson, 472-2463. Waiters, waitresses, hostesses positions available at the feting Palace Restaurant. Must be able to work M, W, F lunch & some evenings. Apply in person, 1309 V. 1:30 2:00 p.m. "CAMP COUNSELORS Outstand ing Slim and Trim Down Camps: Tennis, Dance, Slimnastics, WSI. Athletics, NutritionDietetics. 2Qplus. Separate girts" andbovs'camps.7WeS!.s. CAMPCAME LOT ori COLLEGE CAMPUSES at Mass.. Penn., No. Carolina, Calif. Sand resume: Michele Friedman, Director, 647 Hew'ett Dr., No. Woodrwe, NY. 1 1531,518-374-0735. UGH! Look WHAT ME ItfVBiT rWz( mE cA FofcSSEE 700 R&Mcr THM& JAl ". GaoSSEooDtA.! - oon VoumcdniriG s HUW- Hoop vutv-JU -) CrAp AULmc:if C,Y CWU2ATtoAj1 CATCH A .V t On tcp cf everything else, Gloria tzzr CifcarUcy ct J d LLee Cache l:J p.m Che Trill ba A 4 iff W Televiclcn . Ratings season is in the air, and as usual the networks are pre-empting their usual schlock programs with first run movies and specials. The worst (or best, depending on how many VCRs you own) night will be Sunday. NBC (Channel 3) will show the first net work airing of Star Wars. CBS, the network debut of Urban Cow boy and ABC will broadcast the first of a two part mini-series, Lace. All shows start at 7 p.m. Ea.uio KZUM (89.5 and 99.3 FM) ' Weekly Alive will feature Digital Sex, recorded live at the Drumstick. The program airs at 1 1 p.m. tonight on Part-time housekeeper, floorworker, and on-call positions available. Evening end late night hours. Starting wanes S3 25. hour. Call Julie at 467-25i8 for further information. i ii- ' 4 W ... . - i M . t- X S PATOCrS SALCCN BAD TALENT N?GHT TRY-OUTS If you have any talent (singer, come dian, magician) and nothing to do this Saturday, 2-25-84, come to Patoot'a Saloon to try out for upcoming tad Went night this Sat. from 3-S p.m. st 80S 'P Street. Catch 22, Come 2 the East Union Terraces on 2-23 and 2-29 at 7:00 for 2 wild men in 2 fantastic movies. Read 2day announce ments for details. 2222 NEED CASH? We buy used records and cassettes. DIRT CHEAP RECORDS & GIFTS Downtown 477-6061 East Park Plaza - 464-6275 ' GIRLS . Today is the last day to sign up or call to 1. 1 $1 C 3 for being selected Calendar Girl of the Year. If interested, contact Mike. 475-3018 Joe. 474-319 Paul, 435-133 ALPHA ZETA SPAGHETTI FEED Sunday, February 28 from 5 to 7 p.m. at Fast Union Terraces "ALL YOU CAV EAT Tickets, $3 00 from A Z. members, $3.50 at Door. SCRUfi Cn DIE! Now is the time tor all UNL Ruggers to unite! Practice Tusdays and Thursdays at 5 at Mushroom Garden of Mabel Lee, wreathef permitting. Don't forget to come artd buy your raf ffe ticket from the AH l A booth in both City arid East Unions on Monday and Tuesday. Register to win i dinner for two at the Exchange or a Veleo Caasstte Recorder. Price is $1.00. See you et the booth! Worship at Wesley House (UMHE) 9.30 a.m. Service of Bread and Word 10:30 a.m. Fellowship hour 1 1 :00 a.m. Service of the Word Rv. Dr. Michael Combs UNL w03pl Choir 5:30 p.m. Supper with Substance (Commonplace) AS UN is sponsoring a debate for exec utive cendidatet on Sunday, February '28th at 6.00 P m. in the terrace Room o'f East Campus Union. 1 f . V.zfn & Kt'.nt Associates Lcrin;, cf Days of Our Lives fe vill cilers in Ezct Park Flza frcn nccn to KZUM, 89.5 and 99.3 FM. At the Kizsbsll Agnes of God, starring Peggy Cass and Susan Strasberg will be presented 8 p.m. Saturday. Unfortunately, the play which has received impressive reviews during its Broadway run, is sold out At ths rhcldcn The Draughtsman 's Contract will run through Saturday, with screenings at 7 and 9 p.m., with a 3 p.m. matinee Saturday. TheHulahaloo Over George and Bonnie's Pictures, an Indian film directed by James Ivory, will begin Sunday as part of the UPC Foreign Film Series. Screenings are Sunday 3, 7 and 9 p.m. By Dan YZcxidra C 'J ... "I, j i . t,. 4th Anniversary Celebration Spaghetti Works Free cake and champagne 5 to Close. Western Nebraska " Awareness Night Tonight 8:04 p.m. till the cows come . home. Y'all cornel SKIN OIVINQ AT COZUMEL, MEXICO PLUS PALENOUE AND MLRIOA $500 Program Fee Includes everything except meafs. Leave 21 March, return 1 April, 1984. Contact Mark Ebel, Awt Dir., Campus Recreation, 1740 Vine, 472-3467 N!ES!.i 8TUDEMTS ASSCCiATSCM SVSs,KJ5!U5il "CORRUPTION A PRACTICE GONE WILD' 3:00 p.m. SAT., FEB. 25 Nebraska Union ALL WELCOME East Csmpus Presents: 2 FERS iMKENLo 2 MOVIES: Richard Pryor Stir Crtiy Gene Wilder Silver Streak 2 DAYS: Feb. 28th and 29th at 7:00. OPAL GARDNER Live She's from "ALL Ui CHILDREN" and Mamas Family" Tuesday. March 6 in trie Union.