Thursday, December 8, 1833
Daily Ncbraskan's Wrap It Up
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A Commercial Christmas Carol," by
Chuck Dickens ($20.05 softcover).
The clock had just struck 3 p.m. A
worried Bob Cratchit eyed his time
piece. Ebenezer Scrooge was filling out
purchase orders or something that
required the use of a feather pen.
Cratchit felt his throat tighten as he
addressed his employer.
Excuse me, Sir," Cratchit croaked,
considering the day, I was wondering
if I might be allowed to leave early?"
Scrooge looked surprised. "What day
are you talking about, Cratchit?"
"Christmas, Sir."
"Christmas? But it's only the day
after Thanksgiving!"
Mike Frost
"Yes, but if you don't buy presents
today, you might as well forget about
it"
Scrooge grumbled to himself. "I dont
understand it. Last year, the ghosts of
Christmases past, present and future
convinced me of the importance of
Christmas. But for the life of me, I dont
see why you need to do your Christmas
shopping a month in advance."
"It's not for me, Mr. Scrooge, it's for
the children. Becky wants a Cabbage
Patch doll, Bob Jr. wants a video game
and Tiny Tim wants a Walkman."
"Very funny, Cratchit. All right, you
may go, but I expect you in bright and
early Monday morning."
Cratchit put on his coat Thank you,
Sir. And a merry 31 shopping days to
Christmas to you, Sir."
"Christmas shopping. Bah humbug,"
Scrooge said.
Scrooge continued working for a few
hours more, when suddenly there was
a rap at the door. "I suppose 111 have to
take the rap," Scrooge said to himself
laughing. He opened the door.
"Good afternoon, Sir and a merry 31
shopping days to'Christmas," the stran
ger began, "I'm selling corkscrews, pow
er corkscrews, the wonder of modern
science. This product of advanced tech
nology can be your's for a scant $19.
"No thank you, I'm giving my money
to the poor this Christmas."
"Why? They still have poor prisons
don't they? This nifty little item can
open bottles, unlock doors, jack tires,
scrape mulch from your shoes "
"Bah, humbug," Scrooge said and
slammed the door.
That night, Scrooge returned home
and began working on his hand-made
Christmas cards. Suddenly, he heard a
spooky clanging, and turned around to
see his old partner, Bob Marley.
"Hey, mon, what's going down?"
Marley asked.
"Hi, Bob. Just making some Christmas
cards."
"Oh, men! Why dont you buy dem?"
"I dont know, I thought tills was a
little more personal," Scrooge answered.
"Wake us, mon," the apparition said,
"this is de 20th century. Go and buy
you cards.
"No," Scrooge said with determi
nation. "I'm going-to make these and
then hand deliver them and then "
"Hand deliver, oooh. I hate to do this
to you again, Scrooge, but you're going
to be visited by three ghosts. They will
teach you the real lesson of Christmas."
"You know, Marlsy " Scrooge said,
"Sometimes I'm sorry we were ever
partners."
Scrooge waited for the midnight hour.
Soon, the clock struck midnight, and
just as Marley promised a ghost
appeared. Scrooge wasnt sure, but he
thought it locked like Shirley Temple.
"Hello, Mr. Scrooge," the ghost said.
"I'm the ghost of Christmas presents
past Come, IVe something to show
you." The ghost took Scrooge's hand,
and soon, they stood in Scrooge's child
hood home. The old man looked long
ingly at the image of himself as a boy.
"Oh boy, mom," young Eb said, "a
Shirley Temple doll! Wow! And a keen
Captain Midnight Decoder Ring and
gosh, an JDvaltine mug with Little
Orphan Annie on it! This is the best
Christmas yet!"
"Those are the gifts you loved as a
child " the ghost said.
"Yes," Scrooge responded, "but that
was before I learned the true meaning
of Christmas."
"Boy, you're going to be a tough coo
kie to crack," the ghost said, pouting
just as Shirley Temple did. "Well go
back now. But be prepared, the next
ghost will visit you at 1 a.m."
Back in his chair, Scrooge awaited
his next spiritual visitor. Soon, the
ghost appeared. Scrooge thought he
resembled Sting, a member of Scrooge's
favorite rock group.
"I'm the ghost of Christmas presents
present Come with me Ebenezer, let's
rock." With that, the ghost and Scrooge
were standing in a crowded depart
ment store. .
"There's Bob Cratchit!" Scrooge said,
spotting his employee. He strained to
listen to Cratchit's conversation with
the clerk.
"I'm sorry, Sir," the clerk said, "but
we're all out of Walkmans. If only you
had gotten here a few minutes earlier."
Scrooge realized it was he that delay
ed Cratchit's departure. "I must go
home and tell Tim not to expect too
much for Christmas," Scrooge over
heart Cratchit say.
The ghost, who looked like Sting,
said, "see what you've done. Boy, you're
one uncool cat"
"I'm sorry, Sting," Scrooge said. "I
thought I knew the true meaning of
Christmas. But maybe not"
"Well go home now. Soon, the third
ghost will visit," Sting said.
Scrooge dreaded the 3 a.m. toll But,
soon the chimes on his clock rang, and
he found himself face to face with the
ghost of Christmas presents future.
The ghost, not saying a word, took
Scrooge's hand and led him through a
cloudy abyss which had appeared in
the living room. - T . r
Scrooge knew he was in the future.
He saw a man in a department store.
"Why, that's Tiny Tim!" he cried. The
ghost nodded. --
"IH take 20 blue serge suits," Tim
said. "And every Andy Williams record
youVe got in stock."
"Boy, Mr. Cratchit," the clerk said,
"you're about the biggest square IVe
ever seen."
"Tiny Urn, a square!" Scrooge shrieked
in horror. "And it's all my fault. If only
I'd let Cratchit get that Walkman! Lo, if
only I had it to do all over again."
As he spoke those words, Scrooge
suddenly found himself in his living
room. "It's not too late," he said, run
ning out into the street.
He ran toward the shopping mail.
On bis way, he ran into the corkscrew
salesman. "Sir," he said addressing the
vendor, "I'm afraid I was a little abrupt
111 take 50 corkscrews. The poor will
love 'en!"
' "Thank you, Sir," the salesman said,
as Scrooge trotted dong hb way. He ,
went in the store and eiid to the clerk,
"I'd like to buy a wclkman please."
"We're out buddy. You should have
been here yesterday " the clerk replied.
Ill pay you triple the price," Scrooge
said. ,
"Well, look what I just happened to
find," the clerk said.
' Scrooge happily paid the inflated
price and merrily ran toward the Crat
chit house. Bob wo overjoyed when he
learned of what his employer had
done. "Please," Cratchit said, "come in,
Mr. Scrooge."
"No," Scrooge replied, "I havsnt time.
I must go and buy a box of Christmas
cards. One of those impersonal kinds,
with the Christmas trees decked with
peppermint sticks and the words happy
holidays.'"
"Thank you for your generosity, Sir,"
Cratchit said.
"I learned a valuable lesson, Crat
chit," Scrooge said. "Merry 30 shopping
days to Christmas to you all, and to all
a good night"
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4 3-0332
