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I'm very happy that our media h makir.i everyone
awrre of the Ccntmur.ht threat in Central America.
However, it is alarmin that another target cf Com
munist subversion h being Ignored, Le. the .British
Is!c3.
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Krishna
'Madan
For several years now Communist guerrillas have
been entrenched in northern England where they
conduct daily .raids against local merchants and
government forces. The rebels have their headquar- '
ters in Sherwood Forest and are led by an-cutlaw
named Robin Hood. He is supposed to be romanti
cally involved with Maid Marion, a Patricia Hearst
type revolutionary. Other members of the gang's'
leadership include Little John and Friar Tuck, a
Ikrrigan-type radical priest. ;
The local government forces, led by the pro
American Sheriff of Nottingham, are too ill
equipped and ill-trained to deal with the subver
sives who receive arms and training from
neighboring Communist Scotland. Indeed, the Scots
have foregone their proverbial stinginess in aiding .
. the rebels with the result that the latter are now
equipped with the most modern Soviet swords and
Chinese bows-and-arrows.-- r:;-
The CIA has revealed that the Scots use three
routes to supply the guerrillas in EnglandSome
take the HlhKoad, others take the Low Road, while
a few simply float down Loch Lomond. Moreover
the MacSandinbta clan which governs Scotland by
popular consent shows no intention of cutting off its
EDITOR Lsrryf
GENERAL MANAGER tZ'. J UZJ
PRODUCTION MANAGER K:y TJ.'.:'
ADVERTISING MANAGER Tr:r L C::v;ri
Oil ..;;"
ASSISTANT
ADVERTISING MANAGER
MANAGING EDITOR
. v . NEWS EDITOR
ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITORS
r:;ryLJ.r.3
Ttrry L t ;!:.-j .
LAYOUT EDITOR Uz:i tzlZZZ
WIRE EDITOR tJ.Z',3 Czzzzr
NIGHT NEWS EDITOR ttriJ V.':!:!
ASSISTANT
NSGHT NEWS EDITOR
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
5FORTS EDITOR
ART DIRECTOR
FHOTO CHIEF
ASSISTANT PHOTO CHIEF
PUBLICATIONS
COARD CHAIRPERSON
PROFESSIONAL ADVISER
r.;:u3 Frct
v;:rd7.Tr!;::ti III
Lcrrl V.:?;zr -
f'iry Ccr.ti. 472-C215
473-7:31
Tha Dsily Ncbraskan (USPS 144-CCO) ts publish-"
ed by th UNL Publications Board Monday through
Friday in tha fail and spring ssrnsctsrs and Tucs--days
end Fridays jn the summer sessions, except
, during vacations'.. Subscriptions: $2Osmst0r,
$23two semesters. $35year. - V .
Postmaster: Ssnd address changes to tt : 3 D;i'y
Nsbraskan, f :tr-ska Union 34, 14C0 R St., Lincoln;
Crecnd ci:s pastes paid st Ljncc'n, rj?b.
ALLi .Vli"".L Cii..-tf 1J t..LY L.,
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support for the rebels.' " '
Insurgents defeat the valiant Sheriff of Nottingham,
they would Etterript to depose King John, that
champion of American-style democracy. If this
occurs, the Coramunbts would probably reinstate
Kin Richsrd tha Lion Hearted (an itinerant Marx
ist presently fighting rinst the U.S. Crusaders
Le. the tlarkiea in the Holy Land).
U.S. interests in the region already have been
threatened by these rebels. The latter live off the
local deer population and make it hard for vacation
ins American hunters to find an adequate supply of
game. In order to counter thij threat to our stability
and wcll-lcin I Suggest we pursue the following
courses cf action.
1. Pobori the Loch Ness Monster. This would
deprive the L'acSandinkta government of Scotland
cf a major source of tourism-derived income.
2. Defoliate Sherwood Forest. This would elimi
nate the rebel's covcY and make them vulnerable to'
attack. , . ;. . '"''''.
3. Send in U.S. advisers to train local government
forces in England. These advisers could train our
allies to use sophisticated and time-proven Ameri
can weapons such as the hangman's noose.
4. Quarantine Scotland. The UJS. Navy could be
sent to blockade'Scotland and intercept shipments
of .pikes; axes, and Johnny Walker Red Label 7
5. Send in U.S. Crusaders as peacekeepers. As part
cf their peacekeeping mission, the U.S. Crusaders
(Le. Marines) could shoot, strafe, bomb, burn and
napalm whenever they felt it was necessary.
6. Recruit MacSomoza 'contras to invade Sco-
tland. In order to overthrow the popular MacSandi-
nistas clan, the CIA coifld recruit and train
members of the dreaded MacSomoza clan who are
presently in exile. The latter could be allowed to
pillse, rape, loot and do whatever else is necessary
to brin about government in Scotland that
reflects American values. , ; .- ." : ' ' . : ; ' y '
7. Bomb Edinburgh and Glasgow back to the
Stone Age. This actually wouldn't achieve much but
at least it would make us feel good.1" . '' . J.
, The above courses of action are based on the
premise that U.S. interests are best served by mod
erate and humane responses to the problem. Should
they fail, it would be necessary to resort to more
drastic contingencies such as cutting off the supply
of Coca-Cola to the whole region.
u::Y:22rt PiioEnn:. council
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I SEPTEMBER 25
A
NU Coliseum UNL Recreation Department
10:00 a.m. .Untvensity Health Center
Featured events will be a 2-mile predictor
run and a 4-mile team predictor run.
An entry fee is reguired. Entry blanks
may be picked up at the University
Health Center, UNL Recreation De
partment or either Union.
J SEPTEMBER 26'
!4
; fa
0) .
19:00-11:30 a.m.
The Campbell's Institute for Health
and Fitness presents: the Turnaround
Workshop . . . '
Nebraska Union- Dr. Richard Keelor
Centennial Room Lauve Metcalfe
.New directions in eating and exercising.
A registration fee is required Pre-regi-stration
materials available at the un
iversity Health Center, Room 106. '
11:30-12:15 p.m.
Mini-session-tooic to be announced
Campbell Institute for Health and
Fitness .
12:C0 Noon ,
, Cindsr s'i'a Grows Hare Feet
Nebraska UnSpn'CaltTobm" 'Barbara Bush '
' '-Kerstin VanDervOort '
A transformance is a program of stories. '
poems, skits and slides which transforms
old Cinderella stereotype into new
affirmations of wholeness and growth.
- ' -Brown Bag Lunch-
1:23:30 p.m.
UNL Club Sports Demonstrations
UNL RecreationDepartment
Learn about the club sports available on
the University campus. See the various
sports demonstrate their . activities. Use
the time to ask questions 'about those
that interest you. .
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2:23-4:33 p.m.
Alcchol Demonstration .
Midwest Speedway
Nebraska Dept. of Highway Safety
BudweiserD & D Distributors
UNL Campus Police
The purpose of the program will be to
demonstrate the effects of drinking and
driving. Individuals 'have been chosen
from UNL to participate in a designed
driving course and skills test white sober
and then after drinking.
7:C0-13:C3 p.ra.
Rdaxstion Through Touch and f."assr;t
Nebraska Union Steven E. Lux
Mas:::? is an excellent vehicle for
relaxation and communication enhance
ment.' Participants will involve them
selves in a variety of msssaa and other
experiential activities. Specific massage
win include hands, feet and face. Wear
loose confortable clothing end bring
a towel and oil (baby oil of vgf able
oil). .
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