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The Nash Rambler: Randy Ewing plans to siphon oil
fields belonging to his lialf-cousin JR. He hires cheap
help, then sliootsXash Rambler for messing around. Moiu
Lovccraft helps frame Rambler as the villain, ftmcan
Dnimm, Went Viathaway and Lois Terms viluntccr to
avenge the injustice. Vie FBI has Aee King tail them.
After they get him fired, Drumm hires King to tell J R.
about the oil swindle. When tables are tunnd. everyone
except Randy gets riclL Randy is later sent to death row
for murdering King.
Chapter Eighteen
Adventures end, while stories continue.
It was like a die-hard Ford Fairlane past its heyday,
Nash Rambler thought. He happened to be at the wheel of
just such a car. Yogi, as his friends called him, inherited
the beater secondhand from Boo Boo, which was what the
same friends, namely the Honeys, Went Thathaway and
Lois Terms, called Duncan Drumm. The rusty trusty Fair
lane ran fine, though Yogi's Zen approach to shifting gears
was wearing out the clutch. The other difference was a
dashboard Buddha whose eyes winked according to the
turn signal.
, Aimless motoring. Yogi's first involvement with any
sport, was a healthy step in broadening his horizons be
yond the central art of sitting. He busted with wellness,
the Honeys said. Driving was Yogi's yoga. He marveled at
the way scenery opened before him, swept past in chang
ing perspectives, then closed behind him. In profound
meditations, he sped and ran stop lights. Nevertheless, the
Honeys told him, his conversion from inward Taoist in
action to outward Confucianist action was positive yin
opposing the negative yang of Ace King's death.
Yogi never rained but he poured. High on the thrill of
vehicular traffic, he cruised to Snidely Building Services
one day, said "Garcia sent me" and not his vacuuming job
hack at the bank where he first met Randy Dwing.the
rogue who shot him. Yogi was scarcely short on cash. His
motivation was strange and Confucian. He grew enchant
ed with his floor partner, an old wino named Abel Finn
who was never at a lack for soapbox rhetoric. He
frequently bought Finn pints of Mad Dog and they drove
around in the Fairlane after work. Near nirvana, .Yogi
accumulated a number of tickets.
Went and Lois were married and already had a little
bear in the honeypot. The Honeys addressed the gravid
belly as Pooh, a derivative of the ancient Chinese term
p'u, meaning the uncut wood. Pooh's godparents were to
be Yogi and Boo Boo, who were also the best men at the
casual wedding. The Honeys had moved out of Miss
Happ's bomb shelter and lived in the top floors of a
vacant downtown building they had bought and refurbish
ed. Went kept as busy as ever. He had a patent pending on
a walking TV, a television with advanced robotic features
he had developed.
The move from the bomb shelter was almost of neces-
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the longer story, though. Boo Boo got a monopoly. The
Islamic "prayer rug that" Ewing had found Yogi and Love-
sity. The from yard was perpetually clogged with world
media people, as Miss Happ's artificial heart had broken
the previous record held by Barney Clark's ticker. The
landlady's senile babbling had put "raygun-atomics" on
the map as a fashionable buzzword, an umbrella term en
compassing all the perils of modern times. ABC ran a
story of Went's walking TV. Reuters picked up the Nash
Rambler saga, and Miss Happ's press secretary was
negotiating movie rights.
Boo Boo did well, too. as he never did otherwise. He
could afford to pass on a heirloom like the Fairlane. the
former mobile HQ of his vigilante army. He had a new
silver wing-doored DeLorean, Mona Lovecraft's. He
bought it at a public auction, along with most of Love
craft's estate. like her Southwood bungalow and chain of
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weight spas. She was court-ordered to repay the legacy
she had copped from Clinton Visegrips, the old inventor
she had married when she was 17. Due to a similarity to
the Groucho Marx case, she and her lawyer, public
prosecutor Jack Grafft, were exiled from Lincoln.
Taken on face value as a memory aid for organizing
and recalling the adventures for which they are the
continuing story, Boo Boo's acquisitions were heirlooms
of higher magnitude than even the Fairlane. Because of
the difference between adventures and stories, ironies
sprang along the interface, too. Lovecraft Spas once
won the fat, neurotic and lucrative market that Duncan's
World-Famous Relaxation Spa, Inc. lost when it filed
religion-exempt on its returns, was audited and closed. In
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,rift Tantriclv entwined on. still showing the bloodstain
from the gunshot wound, was used as a bedspread in the
euest room of Boo Boo's Southwood bungalow.
The swank pad vividly embodied and recalled the in
famous hot tub and toddies party. Shotgun holes still
riddled the woodwork in the foyer right where Lovecraft
had admonitorily put him when Boo Boo jollied Ewing
into a slugfest and Yogi stole the millionaire's keys. The
wlurlpool in the sunken den was sticky with the memory
of Kings near electrocution, when he was pitched into the
Jacuzzi, dressed in bionic excess in secret spy devices. The
dunking was one of many events that ended with the big
period put in Kings head. But it was only marginally
related, because in adventures, unlike in stories, causation
did not march single-file, but crosswise.
Boo Boo did do some remodeling. For instance, he felt
Lovecraft had a downright antisocial supply of gravity
boots, which attached to one's feet and could then, in the
name of good posture, be hooked to bars or pipes along
the ceiling. Finding it difficult to entertain when he was
inverted and face-to-thigh with his guest, Boo Boo bought
and installed boots and bars enough for everyone to hang
out like bats in the rec-room. For added convenience, he
turned the TV upside-down and put a coffee table under
neath them.
Yogi, Boo Boo, the Honeys and Pooh were just so
suspended the day they, the blood rushing to their
collective heads, decided to buy group tickets on a
chartered cruiser to the other side of the world. Went had
brought over his prototype ACTV walking television and
also the video camera Lois had won in the Ed McMahon
sweepstakes. He cleverly arranged them so the picture on
the screen showed the four of them with their feet on the
ceiling and the ACTV standing on the floor, with the
picture on its screen showing the four of them standing on
an antigravity floor and the ACTV on the ceiling, with the
picture in the picture in the picture alternating forever to
ward infinity, which could never be reached at electronic
speeds. Yogi was quick to ascribe it Zen significance,
something to the effect of "the eternal flux of levity and
gravity." Pooh distorted Lois' antigravity figure in a
humorous way, which, when pointed out, caused them
to laugh and shake the loose change from their pockets
into their cocktails below.
"We should all hop a love boat to Borneo," exclaimed
Boo Boo, who had grown an inch taller since he took up
gravity boots.
The suggestion came out of nowhere and led single
file to Micronesia. As the luxury liner tooted off into the
sunset, Boo Boo quoted to them all, "Wave goodbye to
sanity."
Adventures begin, while stories continue.
-David Wood
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