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Daily Nebraskan
Arts &
Entertainment
CommSe symps atid uE neo' gemraps
Chapter Four
It was late. The dorm was locked,
and die room was dark.
Ace King, secret agent and failing
poli sci student, was eerily cast in the
dim green light of his personal compu
ter. He read the communique a third
time before erasing it.
His brow didn't knit. His hands and
jaw barely clenched. But his eyes har
dened, imagining the heinous impeity.
Though he maintained a steel keel,
under his skin, he prickled. His sense
of God and country had been be
smirched, and his firm emotions were
whipped to a stiff lather.
Ronald and Nancy Reagan sat amid
their yuletide lucre on Christmas morn
ing. In King's mind, they wore match
ing, monogrammed pajamas.
They smiled blandly. After moments
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of prayer-like silence, the good presi
dent spoke.
"Shall we open the cards, dear?"
"Oh, Ronnie." Nancy choked with
sentiment and clasped her little hands.
A tear flashed in her eye. "Isn't
Christmas glorious?"
In his finest storytelling voice,
Ronald read the glad tidings of good
cheer.
"Glorious, glorious," Nancy said in
rapture.
"Look, honeybunch. It's a check
for 550,000 from Lee lacocca. That
palooka, gosh. He shouldn't have."
"Such a glorious man. Joyous,
joyous." Nancy fought a sweet sob
heroically. "I remember- you always
said his future was in TV. You were
right, Ronnie. You're so wonderful."
Ronald positively beamed. His eyes,
how they twinkled. His cheeks were
like cherries.
He didn't know what he was reading
until he was through the best, or worst,
part of the next card.
The season greetings were post
marked Lincoln, Neb., and came from a
chapter of the John Hinkley Fan Club.
The card took the side that the first
lady was more luridly appealing than
Jodie Foster and proceeded to enume
rate Herculean sexual feats that the
writers felt she alone was capable of.
Ronald chortled at first, thinking
it was just the bathroom humor of one
of his buddies in the Cabinet. Nancy,
however, turned a delicate jade color
and swooned dead away. When she
came to, Ronald swore on Bibles that
the rapscallions responsible would be
publically neutered.
The president's call for immediate
castration bounced swiftly across satel
lites. Christmas dinners were inter
rupted. The holiest of holidays had
been fouled.
Agent King was among the first con
tacted. He was scarcely the only opera
tive in the area. In fact, Lincoln had
a surplus of underemployed G-men.
The city was an overrun training ground
for FBI and CIA enlistees.
King was a rookie, really. His license
to kill was still in its probationary
period. Yet, as a promising cadet, he
had been assigned to head an investi
gation code-named Operation Pus Poc
ket. The mean-minded missive to the
White House wasn't the first that
the Lincoln chapter of the John Hinkley
Fan Club had sent. Agents regularly
intercepted its death threats and
monthly newsletters. Yet the card
was the first from the ill-wishers that
the president had seen, much less read
aloud to his dignified second wife.
Shamed henchmen secretly blamed
the Christmas rush and vowed post
masters' heads would roll.
King had been on the case as an
undercover student for an entire semes
ter, and what he had dug up was right
eously appalling. The university verily
bred Godless, bleeding-heart, beer-drinking,
daughter-raping commie symps.
He had plunged deep into its putrid
bowels and found a festering pustule
of ungrateful maggots he vehemently
suspected of harboring the disgusting
fan club.
He had gained entrance by pledging
the fraternity. Soon he would submit to
an ordeal known as fazing, after which he
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Art by Billy Shaffer
Record reimfels Enelp assmiire cystomeir saifefoctfoim
By Chris Welsch
George Bohart got sick of buying records that were
warped or not good musically. He did something about it.
Bohart opened Lincoln's first record rental store Dec.
9. Rolling Records, 217 N. 14th St., offers customers a
chance to try a record before they buy it.
Bohart, 26, said many new releases are warped, or have
only one or two good cuts. For S2.07, a customer can
rent a new record overnight.
"This way, you don't get stuck with a dog," Bohart
said. "You can take it out, walk it around the block and
if you don't like it, bring it back."
Bohart said any record in the store can be rented.
Customers pay the full purchase price of $6.57, including
tax. If the record is returned, Bohart refunds S4.50 to the
customer. The total expenditure comes to $2.07. The
record has to be back by closing time the next day or a
50-cent late fee is assessed. And if the record is good, the
rental fee applies to the purchase price.
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Staff photo by Dave Bentz
George Bohart, owner, stands among the selections at Rolling Records rental store, 217 N. 14th St.
Many of Rolling Records' customers may be taping
the albums they borrow overnight.
"I don't advocate taping" Bohart said. "It's illegal."
The idea for Rolling Records isn't brand new. Accord
ing to a Dec. 26 Chicago Sun-Times story, about 175
rental stores exist in 32 states, and the number is growing
rapidly.
Bohart said he is pleased with business at Rolling Re
cords. A pile of about 70 records, returned after being
rented on Thursday, lay on the store counter Friday.
The records are coming back in good shape, according
to Bohart.
"I spot-check the record when it is brought back," he
said. "One guy spilled his breakfast jelly or something on
a record and he admitted it."
Bohart said he will rent a record four or five times be
fore taking it off the shelf. He plans to sell the used re
cords to a friend who deals used records in California.
A customer need not buy a record that has been rented.
After listening to it, h? can bring the record in and get
an unopened one at no extra charge.
The selection at Rolling Records consists mostly of
new pop and rock releases, with some jazz thrown in for
variety. Bohart said he will order any album availabte to
him for an interested customer.
"For instance," he said, "I would back-order an old
Doors album for someone to rent. If I couldn't get it in
a week or so, I would buy the record at another store.
That s how I plan to expand my selection," he said.
Bohart is a recent graduate of the University of Nebras
ka. He majored in Agriculture Economics. He said the idea
to open a record store has interested him for quite some
time. n
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