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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 28, 1982)
Page 2 Wedding Supplement to the Daily Nebraskan Thursday, January 28, 1982 M arriage needs communication, companionship Hy Ward VV. Triplet! Ill Open communication and personal con tracts are the main suggestions of a UNL professor to help couples survive marriage in the '80s. "One out of three couples getting marri ed today will end up divorced," said Werner Leinfellner, who teaches a Ethics of Marriage course in Communivcrsity. "It is important because it is a sign that some thing is wrong in the institution," Lein fellner said. Changes such as the woman working and economics have changed the former dream of a two or three child family to just one child, Leinfellner said. Because of economics, the ncwlywed couple can no longer afford a social life, and there arc few places in society where a couple can go to just talk. "Couples in America do not talk to each other enough," said Leinfellner. "They see marriage as just a personal affair, and if love is there, they don't see the problems." "We live in a society where it is not these, human beings make mistakes," Lein- good to express your emotions, and it's not fcllncr said. right to talk about intimate things. How- Leinfellner suggested that couples draw ever, open communication between people up a marriage contract on their own, con considering marriage and who are married sidering what will happen if the partner about delicate problems could help a lot," strays out of fidelity, or other conceivable he said. problems. "Too many get married too young in this country . 1 Leinfellner said the rule most couples go by today is that if one problem arises in the marriage, the answer is to get divorced. "Too many get married too young in this country, and young people can only understand the good in a marriage. They believe their marriage partner will be good and behave. 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Laurie Workman-Ells, who teaches Marriage and the Family in the Sociology department, said that more conventional ism can be expected from couples getting married today. "In the late sixties there was a lot of re jection and social uphcavel, and we saw some of that continue through the seventies," Workman-Eells said. "Hut now we're seeing a return to the more convent ional. Takes in the family arc a little less clear. There's more overlapping, sharing equally in all of the duties, domestic and economic." Workman-Eclls added that the former dream of two kids, a car, and a home in the suburbs is no longer as realistic, and the need for companionship has grown. Workman-Eells' course consists mainly of the social affect on marriage and con sidering how marriage 'has changed with society. Leinfellner's course deals mostly with the ethics and meanings and reason behind the institution. Leinfellner said people should nave more freedom to choose their partners and was in favor of prc-maritial sexual experi ence if it was done with the purpose to see if that person was an adequate marriage partner. "I only say that because it allows a couple the opportunity to know each other," Leinfellner said. "I am not for cohabition, but I am for a deep pre-maritial experience that lets a person know if some one fits you or not," he said. Leinfellner and Workman-Eells suggest ed that couples considering manage take advantage of classes or workshops that can give them more information about marri age. "I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to have a good marriage, for that's a purely personal matter," said Workman-Eells. "But we probably spend less time and money building a family than anything else in our lives. This is a commitment, and it should take more time and thought than we give it. "I think there is a value in marriage counseling, and it doesn't hurt anyone to take advantage of it, she said. "Under the condition that we're chang ing to a one-child family, I think marriage has to loosen up," Leinfellner said. "It should become more of a companionship. They (couples) will have more common interests, like working in the same field, than before," Leinfellner said. "In the old marriage, love, sex and family were important, In the new one, common interest, working together and friendship will play important roles," he said. Today's wedding ceremonies Turn back toward tradition By Carol Harrah Does marching down that aisle excite you, or do you need something more original for the matrimony jf marriage, such as parachuting into saving "I do." There arc many types of weddings to have, according to campus ministers, marri ed and engaged couples. A wedding may be as traditional as you want, or you may be as creative as your imagination will allow. Larry Doerr, pastor and director of Commonplace Student Center on the UNL campus, said he has performed outdoor weddings in addition to the conventional church wedding. "I've had services outdoors," lie said, "some I have performed were at the Sunken Gardens or in Pioneers Park. At Pioneers Park, the columns are the most popular site." Doerr said outdoor weddings are less popular than they used to be. He said the trend to have an unusual setting is dying down. "I used to do a lot more outdoor weddings in the early '70s, up until 1975," Doerr said. "Now people are less inclined to have an outdoor wedding. They are going for the more traditional. Don Romsa, pastor of the UNL Lutheran Student Chapel, said the trend for the typical church wedding is definitely coming back. "Personally, I am finding a trend back to pretty traditional weddings," he said. "I just performed two weddings recently and both were very traditional." Steve Viessman and Tammy Baird, an engaged couple, are planning a convention al wedding. "We are having a traditional, Victorian style wedding," Baird said. "We are having a full service with a reception and com munion. "We really like flowers and candles so we're having lots of them at the wedding," Wiessman said. Since the couple is getting married in March of 1983, they said they have plenty of time to save money and plan the wedding. They are also of different Christ ian faiths so plan to combine the two in the wedding. "We've got to get money saved up," Viessman said. "We want to save up and have the kind of service we want." "We're really devoted to our Christian faiths so we're having things about that in the service," Baird said. Viessman is Episcopalean and Baird is a member of the Christian Church of Christ Disciples. Baird will become Episcopalean after they were married, the coupld said. They said they are having both of their pastors perform the ceremony. Maria Klcager, who has been married for a year and a half, said that when she and her husband got married, they had a sudden change of plans and a week to pre pare for the wedding. "A good friend of mine was leaving and we wanted to have it before she left," Klcager said. "She was my matron of honor so I wanted the wedding before she left." KJeager is originally from Germany. She said they held their wedding in the City County Building but originally had another place in mind. "We had planned to get married in my husband's parents house," she said, "but my best friend was leaving. Since I'm from Germany, my parents and none of my family could come. We wanted a small wedding because of that." Jerry Lipppincott and his wile have been married for nine years. He said when they got married they had a basic church wedding. "We got married in 1973," he said. "It was a very traditional wedding, but it was a little disappointing. We had 350 to 400 people at the wedding and only three or four were from our peer group." Lippincott said he had recently returned from Vietnam and his wife had a couple friends from Nursing school at the wedding. The rest of the people were family and friends of the parents. "We are both from small towns so most everyone our age had already gone else where," he said. Although Lippincott had a conventional wedding, there were a few things which made it an unusual one. "We didn't start out on the honeymoon right away," he said. "We stayed at her parents' house because it was so late when every thing was over." "We got married on April Fool's Day, too," Lippincott added. "Some people shook their heads and said, 'yu're going to regret this,' but I think it was a lucky day for me. We've had a really good time. That's the way it should be " he said. All of their wedding plans didn't come through, though. Lippincott said he had wanted to have a helicopter to meet them when they came out of the church, but friends were unable to arrange it.
