perspectives
page 5
Folks want doctor,
son wants to follow
Rodney Dangerfield
f tCi 1
By Pat Clark
Every two or three months I get a call from one of my
parents asking me what I am going to be when I finally
grow up. The last couple have been feeble efforts on their
part; they seem to recognize by now that they have a
bright, young failure on their hands. But ten years ago,
when they first started whispering words like "engineer"'
and "doctor" and "lawyer" in my ear, they meant
business:
"Son," my father would say, "I don't care what you
do with your life (a lie if I ever heard one) but remember,
no matter how bad times get for people in other fields
there will always be work for a good doctor."
"Which good doctor are you talking about?" I'd ask.
"Never mind. I'll get back to you on this before you
graduate from high school."
humor
It's hard for me to imagine somebody really big, say,
Sigmund Freud, hashing out career possibilities with his
father. Just guessing, I'd have to think that Mom and Dad
Freud learned early on that little Sigmund wasn't your
every day job-seeker:
Hey Sig, let's talk
"My boy Sigmund, isn't it about time we had that little
talk?"
"Sure father, you just lie down on the couch there and
tell me all about yourself."
"Son, it's not about me, it's about you. Your future."
Sigmund scribbles a few notes in a little pad, humming
to himself as he does so. "Why don't you tell me a little
about your childhood?" he says.
"I did not come here to talk about my childhood, I
came to talk about your adulthood. Sigmund, you are
getting to an age where you are going to have to think
about your direction in life, your career opportunities."
"Father," says Sigmund, closing his notebook, "do you
see in me an opportunity to succeed in areas where you
have failed?"
Mr. Freud the elder sits down on the couch. "Failed?
Where have I failed?"
"That is not something I can answer. But, if we can
just tap into the vast, uncharted depths of your uncon
scious mind we can find out why you have developed this
obsession with my future. Now if you 11 just lay down on
the couch and tell me a little about yourself, we can get
something done."
Mr. Freud starts to recline, then stops. "Son, when did
we give you permission to move the living room couch
into your bedroom?"
"We'll talk about it later, dad."
"Of course . . . Let's see, I think it all started when I
was a child. I remember a dream about a tunnel . . ."
And suppose Rodney Dangerfield 's father had asked
him what he was going to be when he grew up:
"How you doing, Rodney?"
Rodney straightens his tie, and says,
"Sure, I'm okay now, but you should have seen me last
week. I went out to the beach to watch the tide roll in.
Took one look at me and rolled right back out ... so I
decided to go bicycling instead. Yeah, my bicycle; gives
me nothing but trouble . . ."
"Son, if I can interrupt just a minute."
"But dad, you can't stop me now, I'm on a roll! If this
routine works we can move out of this house and you
won't have to make me sleep on the kitchen floor to scare
the cockroaches anymore. I'm tellin' ya' dad, this is a
tough neighborhood . . ."
I never get no . . .
"I know son, and I want you to get out of it. I want
you to have a decent job, and live in a decent neighbor
hood, where you can get some respect."
"Right dad, respect; I tellin' ya', I never get no re
spect . . ."
You just know Howard Cosell was ready with an an
swer when his father asked him what he was going to be
when lie grew up:
"Howie, are you in there?" says Mr. Cosell the elder,
rapping with his knuckles on Howard's bedroom door.
"This is Howard Cosell reporting," says Howard
through the door, his trademark voice already fully
developed at the tender age of nine. "Tonight my father is
going to try to talk me into being a lawyer, and I'm going
to try to defend my decision to be a broadcaster in a
scheduled two-hour bout that promises to be a great fight.
But first, let's meet my father, up close and personal."
"Son, I . . .," says Mr. Cosell, but that's all he gets out
before the door opens. His son Howard is standing by the
door in a mustard-yellow blazer, talking into a micro
phone. "I'm here with Mr. Cosell, a great fighter in his own
right but a decided underdog in the battle tonight. Dad,
what do you feel you must do strategically speaking to
talk me into going to law school?"
"I plan to hit you with the income and respectability
factors, and keep jabbing with the family pride routine to
wear you down. I expect a good, tough fight that will
probably go the distance."
"Thank you dad, and good luck tonight."
Women juggle careers, marriage for success
By Lori McGinnis
The career woman. She may be thought
of as a determined pursuer who forsakes
marriage to take it to the top.
Not necessarily. Nowadays a women is
less hesitant to mix a career and marriage.
Barb Kerr, a counselor for UNL's Wo
men's Resource Center and an assistant
professor of educational psychology, rein
forced this idea.
Women have traditionally
been taught to see a conflict
between career and
marriage . . . But that
tradition is not as common
anymore.
"Women have traditionally been taught
to see a conflict between career and marri
age " Kerr said. But that tradition is not as
common anymore, she said. "After all,
men don't have a conflict between a
career and marriage."
Judy Weseley, a member of a profes
sional women's group, had a similar view.
In the past, when a woman got married she
was expected to give up a career for house
keeping and child rearing, she said.
But when a man married, people expect
ed he would have a career that would come
first, she said.
That expectation has changed, Weseley
said. Neither person should have the sole
financial responsibility to support the
family, she said, adding that she knows few
couples who can afford to live on one in
come. Need money want career
Kerr also said many women work be
cause of financial need. But others, especi
ally today's college women, are career
minded. Some even postpone marriage and
having children until a career is established,
she said.
Kerr said she tries to be a role model by
showing couples that a woman can success
fully have a career and a marriage. Kerr,
who said she is happily married and expect
ing a baby this summer, said her career
isn't a deterrent to her home life. In fact,
her career is a basis for her marriage with
her husband, who also is a counseling
psychologist.
However, careers can be a deterrent if a
couple doesn't tell each other before marri
age what they want out of life.
David Jacobs, a psychological counselor
at the university counseling center, said a
couple must talk about their wishes, wants
and expectations of a career before marri
age. They should then be evaluated to see
how they fit into a life with the other person.
For instance, a husband may want his
wife to follow him wherever he may go in
his life, but he may not tell her that for
fear she would disagree. A couple needs to
put "their cards on the table," Jacobs said.
Two-career family has problems
Similarly, Frank Hallgren, director of
career planning and placement at UNL,
said a couple needs to discuss their priorit
ies. "I urge people to think of the consequ
ences of the dual career family and have
those careers well defined and priorities
well defined before they go into the labor
market," Hallgren said. Good career
planning can diminish conflict between a
career and a marriage, he said.
Kerr also said the issue should not be
avoided when expressing career desires.
Consideration, courtesy and equality are
important in working out conflicts. An
egalitarian marriage, where both partners
are completely equal, works best, she said.
"I don't think a marriage works when
one person has special privileges," Kerr
said.
The majority of marriage problems are
caused from one partner not being treated
equally by the other, she said. Problems
arise in a marriage when the couple "ignor
es the injustice" of one achieving and the
other not, she said.
"I know more marriages that break up
from that than any other issue," she said.
A major conflict can arise when one
wishes to take an out-of-town job, but the
other is happy and wants to stay put.
Kerr said this conflict usually can be
worked out if the couple compares the
benefits and disadvantages as a couple and
as individuals.
Resentment or jealousy may occur if
one career comes before the other, Kerr
said, which can be more damaging to the
marriage than an extramarital involvement
Problems arise in a
marriage when the couple
ignores the injustice of
one achieving and the
other not.
with another person.
Despite the need for equal careers, Kerr
said in most marriages, the man's career is
treated as most important.
"Women's work compared to men's
work is undervalued," Kerr said. Facts
show that while men may have upward
mobile jobs, women are often stuck in
dead-end jobs.
This may cause resentment at some
point in the marriage. This is related to the
divorce rate, she said.