tuesday, february 24, 1981
daily nebraskan
page 5
Reagan goes underground to solve his troubles
A HCWS item OUt ()f New Dchli Imlin nmnrt n 11,
year-old Indian yogi named Yogiraj S.K.D. (full name:
Swami Shankaranand Keshavanaml Dandhiehi) has writ
ten to President Reagan offering to bury himself for
300 hours in a sealed pit anywhere in Ameriea and then
emerge at the White House. The Yogi hopes to demon
strate the way to eternal bliss through the feat
dark
(The Scene: The White House. It is early evening and a
helicopter has just landed on the White House lawn A
trio of Secret Service officials meets the helicopter and
ushers a thin, elderly man into the White House. The
elderly man is Yogiraj S.K.B., and has been brought
to The White House for a conference with President Rea
gan.) "Welcome to America:' says the president warmly
offering his outstretched hand in greeting.
"You must have received my letter," says the yogi.
"That I did, that I did " says the president. "Three
hundred hours in a hole in the ground? That's a long
time. One of my aides divided it out, and it comes to 2
days."
"I am sure I can do it. Anyone could do it who was
truly in search of eternal bliss," says the yogi.
Reagan reaches into a bowl on the coffee table to grab
a handful of jellybeans, then thinks better of it .
"I was glad to hear you just say that last part," Reagan
says.
"The 'eternal bliss' part?" says the yogi.
"No, the 'anyone can do it' part. That is why you are
here."
"You want me to do the feat, then?"
"You're close," says Reagan. "I want me to do the
feat, and you are going to teach me how to do it. What
tya' use, some kind of hidden snorkel or something?''
"No tricks," says the yogi, "just years of study. May I
ask you why you would like to do the feat yourself?"
"Well, let me tell you," says Reagan. "A lot of things
can happen in 300 hours. The Reds could invade Poland,
the liberal Congressmen could start organizing their argu
ments against my budget proposals, Chrysler could go
down for the count again, gas prices could go up another
dime or so. . ."
"I'm starting to get your drift," says the Yogi. "You
would like to learn my techniques as a way from running
from your problems."
"That seems like the way to eternal bliss in my book,"
says the president. "The way I figure it, if I can get David
Stockman to do my budget-slashing for me, and get
George Bush to go around getting popular support for the
program, and get Alexander Haig to do my saber-rattling
at the Russians for me, I can slip into a sealed pit for a
300-hour vacation and nobody will notice."
to the editor
It is truly sad when an individual feels the need to seek
recompense for a decision which was arrived at by a group
of hisher peers in a completely unbiased judicial system.
We have one such person in our midst-a candidate for
ASUN president. Diane Walkowiak seems to feel this
need.
I do not believe it is necessary for me to give testimony
concerning Josh McDowell's visit to campus last year. As
an independent candidate and one who personally dis
agreed with the student court's decision in said case,-Walk-owiak's
motives become clear.
Not only does this candidate wish to abolish the stu
dent court, but she has also called it "nothing but a play
ground for law students."
Why don't we carry this logic one step farther and
abolish the U.S. Supreme Court because some of their
decisions were not liked by some? After all, our U.S.
judicial system is nothing but a playground for experi
enced lawyers to act out their legal whims and fantasies.
Indeed, it should be replaced by a board of 12 people
with the chairman acting as a presidential lobbyist.
Vengence against a student institution which deliver
ed a decision with which she disagreed seems to be the
strongest plank in this candidate's platform.
The evidence is before you, and it demands a verdict!
Scott Persson,
Junior, Computer Science
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"Well, I suppose that would be one way to get the
government off the backs of the people for awhile," says
the yogi.
"I knew you'd see it my way," says the president.
"When do we get started with the lessons?"
"Not so fast," says the yogi. "It's one thing to lie in
Ihe ground for 12 days, but there's a second part to the
trick."
"Oh, I know about that one," says the president.
They bury you alive, and 12 days later you emerge at
the White House. That's no problem. I already did that
last November."
Justice: Myth or Reality
Dr. Gennaro F. Vrto, Professor of Criminal Justice
at Temple University,
will lecture Wed., Feb. 25th at 12:30 p.m.
Rostrum room in the Union.
lecture free of charge
Sponsored by the Dept. of Criminal Justice
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