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daily nebraskan
monday, february 23, 1981
Time for students vote what do you say, boys?
The NU Board of Regents is
tinkering with the machinery of
student representation by continu
ing to tighten the screws of power.
In doing so, the members of the
university's governing body are
proving to be inadequate mech
anics for the NU system while
they illustrate an obvious dis
respect for student opinion.
The regents voted Saturday to
stop paying salaries to campus
presidents, who also serve as non
voting members on the board.
The board decided the two
positions of student body presi
dent and student regent are in
separable, despite the opinion of
NU attorney Richard Wood. Wood
has said it is clear the salary is paid
for the duties of being president,
not for serving on the board.
This issue represents only one
of the many attempts often made
by the board to display its self
perceived omnipotence. Add to
this nrevious actions designed to
supp'ess or limit the participation
of student representatives, and it
becomes apparent the regents'
prime motive is to squelch student
opinion or else students will be
forced to pay a price for being
independent thinking individuals.
In addition to the salary issue.
no students were named to the
board's executive committee.
Chairman Robert Prokop said a
lack of maturity displayed by stu
dent regents was one of the
reasons for this exclusion.
Regent Edward Schwartzkopf
placed part of the blame on the
manner in which UNL student
Regent Renee Wessels presents
herself to the board. He was quot
ed assaying Wessels didn't need to
be assertive or aggressive in giving
her views.
The recent actions taken by the
board indicate that type of be
havior and independence is exact
ly what the student regent must
uppity wnch
OP R8SENTS
rely on to raise consciousness.
Student members of the board
cannot vote. Therefore, their only
tool of representation is express
ing concerns, problems and feel
ings of students.
Ensuring the free flow of infor
mation among members should be
the main goal of the regents. That
is, if they truly want to do all they
can to benefit the NU system, its
employees and the students who
attend classes at Nebraska's in
stitutions for higher education.
Sch wart kopf said Wessels
should have learned to lobby with
fellow board members. In other
words, fraternizing and bargaining
with the regents in true "old-boy"
style politics is to be encouraged.
Well, that may be the approach
the regents respect and under
stand. But Wessels should be com
mended for applying her own
brand of representation and not
yielding to the pressures exerted
by the elected members.
Since the regents have deemed
it necessary to equalize the
positions of student and elected
regents by eliminating the student
president's salary, perhaps now is
the time to give campus repre
sentatives a vote on the board.
What do you say, boys?
Everybody sells nothing on late night television
Greetings from the realm of late night television.
Since I acquired full channel capacity via cable televi
sion two years ago, this plucky little chunk of our vast
media system has never ceased to amaze me. For those
who avoid this electronic hearth like the swine flu, cable
television will only strengthen your convictions. For
manic depressives, insomniacs, college students, or any
combination thereof, it is a comfort to know Ted Turner
never sleeps.
One thing nice about cable television is that it keeps
you abreast of what's going on in such far away places
as Atlanta and Kansas City. With WTBS from Atlanta and
KBMA from Kansas City, such nuisances as local severe
weather and air raid warnings are gone. In today's
troubled world, we don't need any bleak reminders of the
present; we yearn for "Petticoat Junction." Or so the
programmers have us believe.
not inviting Ace Cannon to my next party. And need I
even mention the heart-touclung magic of Jim Nabors?
The print media also has jumped on the cable advertis
ing bandwagon, with several major publications pushing
subscriptions with flashy montages and terrible puns.
One common advertiser on FSPN, the all-sports channel,
is Smithsonian Magazine, which can give us an in-depth
look into culture and the world around us as we wait for
the hockey game to come back on in which the goalie
is about to lose his bridgework under the force of a speed
ing puck .
Condescending attitude
These advertisers have more in common than an
attitude that is condescending to even a grade-school
mentality. Most of these advertisements are sold on a
commission basis, meaning the station only makes money
when the producer sells the product. This is accurately
charted through the receipts from mail orders and toll
free calls. Because of such a setup, we see folks like K-Tel,
Armourcote II, and Cindy Lew music bunched up in what
is generally recognized as the non-profit hours.
Also, in these late-night time slots we find The Red
Cross, Peace Corps and CARF. These are public service
announcements required by the Federal Communications
Commission, but stations tend to run them at times when
it won't hurt their profits either. Thus, a night of late
night cable viewing can produce some profound ques
tions: Are there really starving kids in Fthiopia, and are
they bothered by runny, slimy egg wliites as much as I
am'.'
List week I had a dremi where I was being chased by
Slim Whitman who was hurling free, owl-shaped bamboo
wind chimes at me. Perhaps this television is going to have
to go after all.
If.' vi
mccabe
But what thrills and entertains me the most about pay
television is that it is supported by some of the most com
passionate advertisers who truly want to let us know
about the products they manufacture: the ones we've
been missing out on for so long.
Spin-dry lettuce
Old dopey me, I never knew you couldn't have a per
fect salad without spin drying the lettuce in a rotating
plastic bin. Or how about this: Did you know a diamond
is the world's hardest surface. . .but you can't cook on
one? Wow! And if you're sick of all the grief, torment,
marital difficulties and anguish that go into preparing
scrambled eggs, these saints of the capitalist order have a
machine that will scramble your egg in the shell.
My first encounter with late night cable viewing
was indeed a humbling one. I shut off the television and
staggered into my kitchen where I discovered that not
only would my cookware not withstand a blowtorch and
my knives would fail to cut beer cans, but I didn't have
a free set of matching bamboo salad servers to show for it.
My musical horizons also have been greatly expanded.
The heretofore unknown record packagers who have
sprung up profusely on late night cable are informing
us our next-door neighbor already has sold 10 million
albums in Europe but we've been too busy to notice.
I've had a chance to meet Boxcar Willie, Slim Whitman
and Johnny Horton, to worship Elvis Presley, and to be
informed about the horrible social faux pas I will make by
Waste, fraud management the key to
bring balance to federal budget
You have probably already asked yourself tins morn
ing: "How can Mr. Reagan keep his vow to balance the
budget by culling out waste and fraud when each of his
predecessors has vowed the same vow to no avail''
The answer is an incredible technological breakthrough
in waste and fraud managemcn'
i
hoppe
hike most boons to mankind, such as the steam engine,
penicillin and Lana Turner, the discovers was accidental.
Burton Pestel. assistant director of the century-old U.S.
Bureau of Waste and Fraud Control, had intended to take
home from the office two gum erasers, a ream of plain
bond and a staple picker. B mistake, he picked up a
bag containing waste and fraud samples.
"Yechhh!" said Mrs. Pestel when he opened n m the
kitchen. "Oct rid of that stuff."
Pestel took it out in the backyard and dumped it on
the coreopsis, thinking it might promote new growth.
He then forgot about it. For two weeks, the waste and
fraud sat under the sweltering Washington sun. On the
evening of last Sept. 24. Pestel lit his barbecue, tossed
the match over his shoulder and . . .
KI R BEAM! The resultant explosion destroyed the
coreopsis, 1 2 feet of fence and the dreams of OPI ( to
master America's destiny.
"I realized right away I had discovered a sensational
new source of energy." said Pestel. who was blown into
his carp pond by the blast. And subsequent tests have
proved him right:
four pounds of government waste, when piopeily
fermented, can be converted into 1 .2 gallons of 1 00
octane. unleaded syn-fuel!
The discovery came too late to help the Carter admin
istration. But Mr. Reagan has already ordered the number
of bureau employees increased from three to I2.25S.
These waste and fraud collectors will roam Washington
office buildings after hours, culling out dessicated files,
overripe memoranda, moldering food stamp repoits.
mildewed efficiency studies and decomposing task forces.
Each night, a convoy of trucks will carry the waste and
fraud over back roads (in order to avoid populated areas)
to Sccaucus, NJ.. where foundations are now being pout
ed for a huge waste and fraud treatment plant.
There, the fraud, which comprises dj percent ot the
mix. by volume, will be filtered out and used to manut.k
ture industrial zircons, no-run hosiery and more re-makes
of "The Jazz Singer."
The residual waste, after fermentation and refining,
w ill be piped to service stations across the country . where
it will be sold to motorists for approximately 32. cent
a gallon.
Initially, it was feared that this new source of ener.'V
might soon dry up. New surveys, however, show thai
Washington has an unlimited supply of untapped waste
and fraud. Indeed, .nstead of being an oil-importing
nation, the I'mted States will soon become a waste-aiul-fraudxporting
nation thereby eliminating trade deficits,
unemployment, inflation, etc. and, of course, balancing
the budget.
There. I hope this answers the questions you probably
already asked yourself this morning.
(c) Chroniclt Publishing Co. 1981